It is the Elk's Lodge in TACOMA, WASHINGTON... and several hundred NAPW fans are amped to see a rare trip south of the border! Many fans have made the drive from Vancouver itself, but just as many are local! They have signs of their favorite stars (or, in the case of Trent Daniels' street team area, signs badmouthing D!), they have merch, they are loud and ready to go!
BILL HEWSON: Good evening wrestling fans, and welcome to NAPW's journey below the 49th Parellel! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones, and from the Elk's Lodge, this is TACOMA TUSSLE!
JACK JONES: I've made many a tussle in Tacoma in my day, Hewson, and believe me --- she was never worth the ten dollars!
BILL HEWSON: Um, yes. We have one hell of a show for you folks tonight, those here live and watching on DVD later on! Without further ado, let's take you to FRANK to get this Tussle started proper!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for WRESTLING?
WHOOOOOOOOOO!
FRANK WARBURTON: Then, the following is a tag team match set for one fall... with an NAPW TAG TEAM TITLE SHOT on the line!
'Twinkle Twinkle' plays as Dez Carter, accompanied by Asuka Katsuragi begins his journey to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, weighing in at two hundred and forty four pounds! From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this is DEZ CARTER!
BILL HEWSON: These two gained some measure of revenge at the 150th Show with a six-man tag victory over Prince Darko, KBOND and The Screaming Falcon, but they're still yet to pick up a victory in a normal tag match.
JACK JONES: Hopefully that'll change tonight.
BILL HEWSON: You're cheering for Dez Carter and Ravager?
JACK JONES: No, but they're the lesser of two evils this week, Hewson.
Dez climbs into the ring, as his music dies down.
And we hear cellos.
PATH.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner! Weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds, from Brooklyn, New York! RAVAGER!
The crowd go crazy as Ravager makes his way down the aisle, with an intense look on his face. He climbs into the ring and shakes hands with his tag partner as the arena falls silent.
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY, WE PARTY HARD!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents. At a combined weight of four-hundred-and-forty pounds. They are FORMER FOUR TIME NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! MYSTIC NINJA AND THE EXPOSITIONER! MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: Here they come, Jack Attack. Four time NAPW Tag team Champions, and they're looking to climb back up the rankings with a huge victory here tonight.
JACK JONES: They're not as hungry as Ravager and Dez, though.
The members of Mystic Exposition are already half way down the aisle as the commentators continue arguing, slapping hands with the willing fans before they slide into the ring and head towards their corner.
Ravager and Mystic Ninja exit the ring as the bell sounds to start this match. Carter and The Expositioner circle the ring for a few moments before locking up collar and elbow. They struggle, but are soon forced to break as neither man could gain the advantage - but it draws a nice round of applause from the crowd. Carter offers up another tie-up, which is accepted by his opponent - and Dez drives Expo back against the ropes. Official Anthony Uruburu steps in to break it up, which happens without fault--until Dez delivers a thunderous chop to the chest of The Expositioner! He's reeling in shock, leaving him open for Carter to grab him by the back of the head and connect with some forearm smashes to the face!
The Expositioner appears to be stunned as he's caught with a series of palm strikes, forcing him back against the turnbuckle. An Irish whip by Carter sends his opponent from pillar to post before he charges in with a--BOOT TO THE FACE BY EXPO! Followed by a high angle dropkick, taking Dez off his feet! Both men scramble back to their feet, but it's The Expositioner who acts first as he dives around the back of his opponent - X-PLANATION! And he drops Dez to the mat with a thud before hooking the leg and earning himself a two count.
JACK JONES: Pfft, The Expositioner doesn't have what it takes to even put Dez Carter away!
BILL HEWSON: Many a man would struggle to kick out from that X-Planation, Jack Attack.
Carter is helped back to his feet, if only to be locked in an arm wringer. Expo twists it around once before dropping an elbow down across the shoulder, forcing Dez down to one knee--countered by Carter! And now it's The Expositioner in a wrist lock, into a hammerlock, which turns into a side headlock. It's locked in pretty tight, but Expo tries to battle his way out with a couple of elbows to the ribs - and they're doing the job. Dez loosens his grip, and that's enough for Expo to push him away and against the ropes - shoulder block by Dez! Followed by an elbow drop, and Dez makes his way towards his corner to make the tag.
BILL HEWSON: And here comes Ravager!
But The Expositioner is already back to his feet by the time Ravager enters the ring, and he swings with a right--BLOCKED! Headbutt by Ravager! Followed by the boot to the gut, doubling The Expositioner over in the center of the ring. DDT! Spiking The Expositioner! However, he tags back out to his partner, Dez Carter. Dez climbs in through the middle rope as he goes to pick his opponent up again - but Expo fires off a few shots to the midsection as he battles back to his feet. Right and lefts, flying each way until he goes for the Irish whip. X-POUND!
Mystic Ninja is itching to get into the ring, and he's about to get his wish as The Expositioner tags out! Ninja hops over the top rope as Carter is just getting to his feet - headscissors takedown by Mystic Ninja! The crowd are on their feet for their favorite masked ninja - as the man himself drags Dez carter back to his feet. He connects with a boot to the midsection before going against the ropes, coming back with a facecrusher--NO! Carter uses his upper body strength to block the move, leaving Mystic Ninja to crash to the mat ... And Ravager stretches his arm out for the tag.
JACK JONES: Oh yeah, come in when you're opponent's down on the canvas. Has he no decency?
And here comes the former World champion! Mystic Ninja regains his vertical base and just in the nick of time - LARIAT BY RAVAGER!
JACK JONES: I counted three rotations, how about you?
BILL HEWSON: I got three as well. But at least Ninja's boots are still on.
Mystic Ninja hits the mat hard after spinning through the air from that lariat, only to be dragged back to his feet. He's dazed, but Ravager lands a vicious chop to the chest --drawing a squeal from Mystic Ninja! Ravager looks out at the crowd, then shakes his head. THEN RIPS OFF NINJA'S TUNIC!
The crowd braces itself as Ravager sets a stunned Ninja up for more, this time on the man's BARE CHEST... CHOP! SQUEAL! CHOP! SQUEAL! CHOP! SQUEAL! So it goes, until Ravager has his opponent backed into his corner - and in comes Dez Carter. He drags Ninja from the corner, allowing himself room to execute the Irish whip. Ninja bounces off the ropes straight into the back body drop!
BILL HEWSON: Great elevation by Dez Carter there.
JACK JONES: If he had gone any higher we would be prying Mystic Ninja from the rafters, Hewson.
Indeed. But, in fact, Mystic Ninja came crashing back down, hitting the canvas hard! He rolls a few times, holding his back in pain, but Dez grabs a hold of him before lifting the welterweight back to his feet. A quick side kick to the midsection double the Ninja over as Dez runs against the ropes for the knee lift! But he carries on as Ninja spins around in his daze - FLYING LEG LARIAT! And Carter takes his opponent down with a thud! Pin attempt by Carter--only a two count! Dez drags Mystic Ninja with him as he goes to make the tag out to Ravager. Ninja doesn't know much about what's happening as Ravager lifts him up for the side slam--no, the backbreaker - and DEZ OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE WITH A DOUBLE FOOT STOMP! Ravager hooks the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THRNOOOOO! And the crowd breathe a sigh of relief as Mystic Ninja gets his shoulder up!
BILL HEWSON: So close!
Mystic Ninja rolls towards the ropes, using them to pull himself back to his feet. It doesn't matter that he only gets to his knees before Ravager gets him in a rear waistlock and pulls him towards the center of the ring. Back suplex by Ravager-- COUNTERED! Ninja flips and lands on his feet - FOREARM SMASH BY RAVAGER! And with enough force to flip Mystic Ninja mid-air, as he lands face first on the canvas!
JACK JONES: Mystic Ninja is being tossed around like a rag doll, he'll be lucky to stand up after this match.
But Ravager isn't done yet. He helps Mystic Ninja get back to his feet once more, dragging him towards the corner as Ravager makes the tag out to his partner. Carter enters the ring with a side kick to the midsection of the Ninja, before taking him over with a double underhook suplex. No pin attempt, though, instead Carter picks him up in a full nelson--NO! Mystic Ninja holds onto the ropes with his legs! Carter pulls back again, but to no avail. Wait, Mystic Ninja springboards up off the middle rope, forcing Dez to release the full nelson--CUTTER BY MYSTIC NINJA! Out of nowhere!
BILL HEWSON: Now Mystic Ninja needs to make the tag, as does Dez Carter!
JACK JONES: No! Stay down, both of you.
Both legal men are down, but are beginning to head towards their respective corners. Carter is crawling, using the ropes to get back to his feet as--MYSTIC NINJA MAKES THE TAG! IN COMES THE EXPOSITIONER! Clothesline takes down Dez Carter! In comes Ravager - hiptoss takedown! Dropkick connects on Dez Carter! EXPOSITIONER IS A HOUSAFIRE! Dez runs at him, gets arm-dragged! Ravager comes in for the attack, arm-dragged! Dropkick to Carter! Dropkick to Ravager - sends Ravager over the top rope to the floor! The Expositioner lifts Dez back to his feet, and hits a picture-perfect vertical suplex. Float over into the cover,
ONE!
TWO!
THRNOOOO! Dez got the shoulder up!
But The Expositioner wastes no time getting back into the swing of things as he lifts Dez up again. An Irish whip attempt is reversed, sending Expo against the ropes. Dez with a lariat--DUCKED! X-PLEX BY THE EXPOSITIONER! And another cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREENO! Foot on the rope for Dez Carter, saving himself!
BILL HEWSON: So close!
Carter is lifted back to his feet again, but he's coming out fighting! A hard chop to the chest of The Expositioner, followed by an European uppercut has the masked man staggering. Dez turns around and goes to make the tag to Ravager, who is back on the apron - only to get caught with a dropkick, sending him flying into Ravager! The 'White Collar Assassin' falls off the apron as Dez staggers back towards the middle of the ring. he hasn't noticed the members of Mystic Exposition climbing the turnbuckles...
"EXTERMINATE!"
X-TERMINATOR CONNECTS!
The Expositioner hooks the leg!
ONE!
Ravager gets back on the apron!
TWO!
He's in the ring. He dives!
THREE!
He's too late! Mystic Exposition walk away with the win!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners by pinfall, MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
Anthony Uruburu lifts the arms of Mystic Exposition as they celebrate their victory, and Ravager helps his tag partner back to his feet. All four men look at each other - and they shake hands.
BILL HEWSON: What a display of sportsmanship from all four competitors here tonight. Mystic Exposition getting the victory after some misfortune on the part of Dez Carter, but what a match!
JACK JONES: How the hell is Mystic Ninja still standing?
BILL HEWSON: A lot of guts and determination, but he's going to bear the marks for sometime. His chest is just a mass of red welts from the hands of Ravager and Dez Carter. They showed sportsmanship, but they seemed out to send a message tonight. Unfortunately, though nobody will deny they are two of the hardest-hitting men in NAPW, they came up short in the Win column... it will be Mystic Exposition receiving a shot at the tag titles in August!
Asuka accompanies her tag team as they make their way back up the aisle, not even looking back - because that would reveal the REALLY unhappy look on their faces. Meanwhile, MyEx celebrate their victory, Ninja wincing with every raise of his arms and clutching at his reddened chest.
"CAN'T NO ONE POUND ME-KBOND...SONG!"
JACK JONES: I just love how badly edited that song is. It's genius!
KBOND doesn't care for bad mixing and piss poor editing on a simple entrance song -- he cares for destruction, hurting someone, which is why walks so slowly, menacing towards the ring. Darko, he plays cheerleader-- the cheerleaders you would punch out at whenever the opportunity would. Darko stands in front of a four year old, a four year old that sits up on the shoulders of his father, he flinches at him anyways. The baby doesn't move any.
"SO THE (BLEEP) WHAT? CAN YOU WHOOP ME?"
The dad goes for a swing at Darko's mug, he moves out the way, making the father look like a total ass.
Deek walks with his head down, shaking his head, muttering under his breath, and...and...his face carries bandages, and there's a bruise on the back of his head. Matt Focks, he's texting walking down the ring, smiling, happy, he flinches out one or two of the crowd members, still smiling, laughing at them while he does. Deek, he only flinches at those people because they're laughing at them--he's flinching out of anger.
Darko rolls into the ring and snatches the mic from Frank's hand.
"GIMMIE THAT!"
PRINCE W. DARKO: The man not you, you, you, you and you in the blue shirt, green shorts, looking like a retarded ninja turtle.
Matt Focks lunges for the mic, laughing franticly at a joke that hasn't been told. "BOSS! IT'S LEONARDO!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Back to the matter at hand. None of you assholes in here can pound this man over here. Lemme give out some stats to get your brains in work. He weighs in at a serious, vicious, brutal, Three Hundred Ten pounds. C'mon shit heads, HE'S SIX FEET EIGHT INCHES! From Zamunda just like Deek (he points to Deek in the corner) Matt Focks (points to Matt) and...PRINCE W. DARKO!(Points to himself.) Everyone get on your god damn feet before I break 'em...KEEEEEEH VEEEEEN "KAAAAYBONDDDD" BONDSWORTHHHH!
KBOND gets into the ring, keeping his glasses in check and begins to crack his knuckles and chuckle...chuckle.
BILL HEWSON: So let me get this: he gives up forty pounds to Krenshov, and... Wait Jack, I know you wanna talk right now, but wait... He gives up an inch in height, all of this favors Krenshov.
JACK JONES: Yes. But you're forgetting something...CAN'T NO ONE POUND KBOND!
PRINCE DARKO:Now. I know you douche bags came out here to see Kenny try to get at me in Seattle (POPS). But there is something you A-holes forget, not only does he have to try and get through KBOND, BUT. If he wants KBOND, so he can try to get at me, first? He has to try to get past the...ZAMUNDA BOYS!
BOOOOO! The crowd boos so heavily.
Deek looks shocked and afraid, already shaking his head, trying to get "Just Kidding" from Darko, but Darko is serious. Matt Focks walks over to Darko, handing over his two-way, he's honored to do this for Darko. Matt extends his hand for a hand shake and nods in appreciation.
BILL HEWSON: Look at how he has he treats his 'soldiers.'
JACK JONES: He treats them better than you treat women.
KBOND and Darko begin to leave the ring, but before doing so, KBOND gives Deek a big hand shake, and turns it into a hug and whispers something into Deek's ear, Deek feels some what motivated after those words of endearment? KBOND hi-fives Matt Focks, an excited Matt Focks, before leaving. Darko and KBOND walks over to the commentary table.
DARKO: How y'all boys doin'? I'ma help y'all boys out tonight, I know how hard it is for Billy over here, to call a match. Needs a help from someone good -- no disrespect Jones, you're right under me.
Jack nods his head, "I understand, I understand."
BILL HEWSON: A... "pleasure" to have you here, Prince.
DARKO: Pleasure all yours, ain't my idea of a great time sitting here with the peasants.
Darko takes his seat, KBOND remaining standing. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hard boiled egg, which he pops like a tic-tac. Matt Focks looks primed and ready, while Deek's knees knock. And then...
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
The crowd pops huge for the one, the only...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following handicap match is set for one fall! Introducing first, representing the ZAMUNDA FORCE, Deek and Matt Focks! Their opponent, from Middletown New Jersey... weighing three-hundred and fifty pounds and standing six-feet, nine inches... KRENSHOV!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Now you see what this man made of, forget getting to me, he ain't even getting to KBOND! Get 'im Focks!
KRENSHOV, in his wrestling gear and a "FOR HIRE" t-shirt, comes to the ring to a loud roar from the fans. He's looking for Darko on the other side of the ring. He doesn't get in, instead slowly coming around to where Darko is WHAM. Matt Focks slides out and starts throwing forearms to Kenny's back! He fires away, rocking and rolling, showing no fear...
Shame Krenshov turns around like he's being bitten by some gasp. Focks keeps throwing, slowing down until he realizes he's having no effect. "Hey Deek, where are you KLU!" KRENSHOV TEARS HIS HEAD OFF WITH A SHORT-ARM! ONE HIT DOES IT! Focks goes down, only for Kenny to haul him back up into a GORILLA PRESS! He presses Focks into the ring over the middle rope! Kenny gets in.
PRINCE W. DARKO: Come on Deeks, where you at? Get on the man! He just a big dumb ape!
BILL HEWSON: I'm not sure your Deek looks too eager to get involved with the colossal Krenshov!
Kenny stands tall, holding a limp Focks in one hand. He smirks at Deek, then motions for Deek to bring it. Deek hyperventilates some more, then RUSHES IN FOR ALL HE'S WORTH --- BIG BOOT kills him dead! Deek is down, Krenshov throws down Focks and picks Deek up. Hoists him up for a powerslam... easily holds the man up! Shows his terrified face to all four sides of the ring, then SLAMS him down! Deek is out! Matt Focks is somehow on his feet, Krenshov grabs him, turns around... SPINEBUSTER ON TOP OF DEEK! A cover on both men, ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the match by pinfall, KRENSHOV---
KBOND ATTACKS! The referee shrugs, then rings the bell for the second match in a row, KRENSHOV vs KBOND!
PRINCE W. DARKO: That was bull*bleep*! Now KBOND show 'em how it's really done! The man KBOND! Yeah kick his ass!
BILL HEWSON: Darko, but let me ask you this... what happens if KBOND does not win this match? That means you ---
PRINCE W. DARKO: I ain't have to do nothing, because KBOND ain't going to lose. But since you ask what's an obviously a hypothetical question, so I'll answer it hypothetically: if Krenshov, by some freak accident, wins, then he'll get dropped on his head, simple as that.
BILL HEWSON: KBOND on the attack from surprise! One of the few men in NAPW to match size with Kenny Krenshov, and KBOND is hammering the man in the corner. Oh come on, that's a blatant choke with his boot!
PRINCE W. DARKO: No, see, Kenny asked him where he got his boots, they big men, boots hard to get in they size, KBOND just showing him the brand on the sole.
BILL HEWSON: I... Jack, I think he's been listening to YOUR commentary.
JACK JONES: Where DOES KBOND get his shoes, Darko?
PRINCE W. DARKO: Zamunda secret, dog.
KBOND lets off the choke before getting DQed - a DQ win would give KRENSHOV his match with Darko next week. Kenny coughs and stumbles out, only for KBOND to give him a bell clap from behind. Kenny goes down to a knee, KBOND gets on top of him, jumps and DOWN right onto the back and kidneys! KBOND then does the insane:
HE PICKS KRENSHOV UP AND BODYSLAMS HIM! The ring shakes, and the crowd, despite their dislike of the entire ZAMUNDA FORCE, pops!
BILL HEWSON: What an earth-shaking bodyslam, few men have ever lifted KRENSHOV like that! And now KBOND is... is he going to the ROPES?
PRINCE W. DARKO: I've seen KBOND do this *BLEEP* a million times, fresh every time.
BILL HEWSON: OH MY! A legdrop off the bottom rope, over three-hundred pounds! I don't care how tough you are, you're staying down from that COVER! ONE! TWO! Krenshov kicks out!
PRINCE W. DARKO: What a sorry kick-out, you see that kick-out Jack Attack? Ain't nobody kick out better than me.
JACK JONES: Your kick-outs have such style and grace, Darko. Reminds me of me when I was your age.
PRINCE W. DARKO: No it don't, old man, I ain't act like whitey mcwhitesalot ever. Now KRENSHOV, like I said, he can't whoop me, he can't whoop KBOND, he can't whoop anybody.
BILL HEWSON: Didn't he just whoop your "Zamunda Boys" pretty handily?
PRINCE W. DARKO: Just part of the plan, Hewson, it ain't over yet. Ain't nobody make plans like me.
In the ring KBOND has on a nerve hold, because he's a big fat guy. Kay? Great. And KRENSHOV, fighting the pain, begins to shake! He starts to get to his feet, fighting out... ELBOW! Another elbow! KRENSHOV HITS THE ROPES --- Gets caught with ZAMUNDA DROP! HOLY! ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT!
PRINCE W. DARKO: That comeback so sorry, watch this, KBOND going to break him with this one!
BILL HEWSON: KBOND whips KRENSHOV into the corner... head of steam! KBOND in, no, KRENSHOV gets a huge boot up to the face! KBOND comes in again, Krenshov moves! And bounces KBOND's head off the turnbuckles!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Oh *BLEEP*.
BILL HEWSON: Now it's the three-hundred fifty pound KRENSHOVs turn... CORNER SPLASH! Wait, ANOTHER ONE! A THIRD! And KBOND is sagging! Kenny is making his comeback, and doing it with authority!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Hold up, gotta tie my shoes.
KBOND slaps his right forearm, the fans in Tacoma have seen enough DVDs or Vancouver shows to know what's coming --- OFF THE ROPES --- wait a minute, Darko gets on the ring apron? The ref is distracted, and Matt Focks grabs Kenny by the ankle as he runs! Focks, holding his ribs, still shouts out "yeah!" Unfortunately for him, Kenny grabs him by the hair! He pulls him off his feet, WHAM! What a shot! Kenny turns around KBOND LARIAT! Holy crap! Darko gets off the apron and takes the announce position again.
BILL HEWSON: What do you think you're doing?
PRINCE W. DARKO: I was tying my shoes, honest.
BILL HEWSON: You were cheating!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Nah dog, I was telling the referee, he ain't need to worry, my shoes tied all good now. You see that Matt Focks, man takes spinebuster like crazy, still gets up to cheer on KBOND. That the Zamunda Force. And now KBOND, look at him, he going to end it!
Krenshov is down... and it looks bad. KBOND is going to the TOP ROPE. This shouldn't be legal for dudes his size! It's called the ZAMUNDA CRUSH... but wait! Kenny is up! He steps into the corner as KBOND is getting his footing and throws a big right hand. KBOND fires back, Kenny climbing up, two hosses pounding each other up high! This is scary... KRENSHOV has the upperhand!
PRINCE W. DARKO: Krenshov, he don't want it, ain't getting nothing --- Oh *BLEEP*! Hold up, gotta text somebody!
BILL HEWSON: Gotta text --- get back here! WAIT! KRENSHOV going for the... he can't!
JACK JONES: DUCK AND COVER!
BILL HEWSON: SUPERPLEX! SUPERPLEX! MY GOD ALMOST SEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS OF MEAT CRASHING FROM THE TOP ROPE! CAN YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THAT! KENNY COVERS... ONE...TWO...THREE OH WAIT JUST A MINUTE! DAMMIT! Darko just put KBOND's foot on the bottom rope, it's not over! And Kenny is furious!
KRENSHOV yells at Prince W. Darko over the top rope, Darko saying "what man, you see this, just texting a fool." KRENSHOV yells at the man, Darko holding his attention, holding it, holding it...
And buying his man KBOND time.
He's up! Darko talking trash to KRENSHOV, daring him to come out and get him, HERE COMES KBOND FROM BEHIND --- KRENSHOV moves! KBOND lands on the middle rope with his legs, then bounces out in pain. Kenny hits the ropes at a blinding pace for such a big man, and BIG BOOTS KBOND DOWN! HOLY HELL! COVER ONE, TWO, THREE! THAT'S IT!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by pinfall, KRENSHOV! And that means next week in Seattle, it WILL BE KRENSHOV vs... PRINCE W. DARKO!
BILL HEWSON: Darko put every obstacle he could in the path of the monster, but KRENSHOV would not be denied! Darko is out of options, next week he MUST get in the ring with the Colossus!
JACK JONES: I can't believe it, KBOND... defeated! Somebody check Kenny's boot, it must be loaded!
BILL HEWSON: Oh for --- in any event, KRENSHOV picks up the win here tonight, actually twice... and next week, finally, it will be KRENSHOV vs PRINCE W. DARKO in a Showdown at the Showbox!
KRENSHOV stays in the ring as 30 Seconds to Mars picks back up. He never takes his eyes off Darko as the Z-Force regroups. KBOND walks in a daze as Deek and Matt Focks hold their injured bodies up the aisle. Darko backs up the ramp, talking trash to the big man. But next week, the words run out --- it will be physical!
JACK JONES: ... and with a few bottles of White-Out, a box of Arm & Hammer will look just like a Video iPod.
BILL HEWSON: So you just hand out boxes of baking soda to your nephews.
JACK JONES: Well, no! I keep the precious baking soda... but you should see the looks on their faces when they see the boxes! I mean, iPods.
Excuse me, The Shop Boyz are playing! Crowd, get angry, thank you!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Making his way to the ring, accompanied by HANK! HENDERSON!, hailing from Jacksonville, Florida, weighing in at two-hundred, five pounds--here is your co-winner of TAGSTRAVAGANZA... "THE DYNASTY" DAN! MILLER!
BILL HEWSON: Frank's just reminded me... it was AT Tagstravaganza that Miller broke Chad Kurtis' ankle! That's where this all began!
JACK JONES: It shouldn't have been a beginning--it should have been an ending! Why is Chad Kurtis coming back for this! Miller'll just kill him all over again!
BILL HEWSON: You're surprised that Chad Kurtis would be back, like a man, to punish Miller for putting him on the shelf for MONTHS?
JACK JONES: No, I'm surprised he thinks he's become better than Miller just by recovering his ankle. I mean, look at Miller! He looks like he's in GREAT shape!
Almost on cue, Miller makes a point of peeling off his jacket and flexing his tight body to audience groans. He drops to the mat and starts his push-up routine as Hank Henderson counts him off, yelling encouragement at him.
"GUESS WHO'S BACK?"
The crowd goes wild. Miller freezes, mid-push-up, a sour look spreading on his face.
"THEY SAY I'M COCKY, AND I SAY WHAT?
IT AIN'T BRAGGIN' (BLEEP) IF YA BACK IT UP!"
A man in a custom "THE SHOW" Jacksonville Jaguars jersey slips through the curtains, and the crowd welcomes him back with a round of spirited applause.
FRANK WARBURTON: Now introducing his OPPONENT, making his way to the ring... from Paducah, Kentucky! Weighing in at two-hundred, thirty pounds... please welcome back THE SHOW... CHAAAAAAAAAAD KUUUUUUUUUURRRRRTISSSSSSS!
And with that, The Show quickly whips his jersey off, tossing it to an appreciative fan. Eyes locked on Miller in the ring, he sprints down, slides in under the rope, and the ref has to cut Miller off from jumping him early. Kurtis takes to a turnbuckle to give it up for the Tacoma fans.
BILL HEWSON: Looks like Kurtis is doing just as well, partner! And he doesn't seem to have any trouble using that ankle, either!
JACK JONES: Hyuk... not yet!
Hank Henderson is shown out of the ring, and assumes a spot by Miller's corner. Kurtis hops down to the mat, locks eyes with Miller, who stares back at him...
And THAT'S the bell! The Dynasty feints a start--but Kurtis takes it, slams his chest defiantly against the tanned Miller. Miller looks incensed, shoots his arms out and laces fingers with The Show, with both men jockeying for the better position. Kurtis takes it, wrenching Miller's hands into undesirable angles, WHAM, headbutt from Miller blows Kurtis off of him. SLAP! Kurtis with a none-too-subtle pimp slap, Miller is reeled back, touching his cheek in disbelief. A twitch in his shoulder telegraphs the incoming clothesline--Kurtis nimbly ducks it--The Dynasty turns around and eats a flash-quick dropkick. Miller, going straight to adrenaline, picks himself up and throws a snap kick to The Show--caught, in the opposite hand. Miller bounces on his other foot just once, and then launches for an enziguri--Kurtis leans back as the kick whiffs by him. And seizing Miller's second foot, he holds his opponent in a wheelbarrow position--kicks his legs up and over, STANDING DOUBLE LEG DROP onto Miller's back.
BILL HEWSON: Nice work! He's not the Innovator of Offense for nothing, folks!
JACK JONES: You're actually cheering for this guy? What kind of wrestler capitalizes on someone else's mistakes?
BILL HEWSON: All of them, actually.
JACK JONES: ARE YOU TELLING ME MY JOB!?
Kurtis with a quick rebound off of the second rope for an Asai Moonsault--momentum gets broken when Miller raises his knees, but Kurtis has even THAT scouted and lands nimbly on his feet. He quickly seizes Miller's ankles, drops backwards for the SLINGSHOT, sending The Dynasty up and over The Show, crashing into the ring ropes, dangling from his armpits. The Show's looking feisty, rubbing his hands together with glee as the crowd starts to whoop--waistlocks The Dynasty... he's thinking of a German Suplex! Show pulls his man off of the ropes, ready to--MULE KICK! Miller's scored one big cheap shot between the legs of The Show, and the ref didn't even see it! Chad Kurtis wilts off of Dan Miller like cheap wallpaper, and Miller use the moment to catch his breath as the crowd goes from cheering to venomous in 2.4 seconds. Dynasty winds up off of the ropes, winds his arm up unnecessarily, elbow smash into The Show's face! Kurtis was too stunned--that shot toppled him like a stack of soup cans. Kurtis starts picking himself up--and receives a crushing soccer kick into his ribs courtesy of Miller. Our referee starts cautioning The Dynasty back, ordering him to either try something else, or else allow Kurtis to get back to standing. That few seconds is all that The Show needs, and while he seems to be gripping his ribs, he finds his feet quickly and regains his vertical base. The crowd can't keep it a secret, shouting words of encouragement as Kurtis gets back into the fight--
WAIT A MINUTE! Kurtis lurches and nearly trips--because his ankle was seized by Hank Henderson! Henderson's grabbed The Show's foot under the bottom rope--Kurtis is momentarily distracted, yelling at Miller's partner--and Miller, free from the ref, bounces off of the second rope, FLYING YAKUZA KICK into Kurtis' temple! The Show only turned around in time to see it coming! Kurtis, glassy-eyed, stumbles down to one knee--Miller grabs him by the hair, and smashes his knee into his face, before chucking his head to the mat like a dirty rag. He then turns to Henderson at ringside and shares a crooked smile with him, infuriating the fans.
BILL HEWSON: How can Southern Destruction be so FULL of themselves! This match was supposed to be about which man was flat-out BETTER... and they've already started cheating!
JACK JONES: Cheating's to be determined by the ref, Hewson! Besides which, how can you put down Miller's great kick back there? Did you hear that IMPACT? MY fillings nearly came loose here at ringside!
BILL HEWSON: Miller's got absolutely punishing offense, partner, only I wish he didn't have to rely on someone else before he can deploy it!
Miller seizes Kurtis by the ankle and yanks him roughly to the centre of the ring... and then isolating it on the mat, unleashes a sickening stomp on it, as The Show's eyes light up with pain. Dynasty seems pleased by his opponent's anguish, and stomps it again! Kurtis pulls his ankle in reflexively in an attempt to shield it, but Miller's quick to retrieve it, and raising it off the mat, quickly drives the point of his knee into it. The Show desperately lunges at the closest rope and grips it, the ref using the opportunity to caution Miller back again.
JACK JONES: Solid strategy by Dan Miller, testing to see if Chad Kurtis' ankle has properly healed up. Turns out it hadn't!
BILL HEWSON: He knew it hadn't, because he's the guy that broke it in the first place! And now, by continuing to attack it, all he's trying to do is end Chad Kurtis' career!
JACK JONES: No, Hewson, he's capitalizing on Kurtis' mistake. That's what wrestlers do, remember?
Miller, usually not the grappler in Southern Destruction, picks up the pain-addled Kurtis and hoists him up, bending his good leg, before simply dropping him in a Shinbreaker... which on top of the desired effect, also has Kurtis land on his bad ankle, nearly rolling on it as he flops back to the ground. Henderson whistles loudly at ringside, but the overwhelming sound from the crowd is bilious, overwhelming HATE. If it rattles Miller, he doesn't show it... another quick stomp to the ankle keeps his opponent grounded, and then he heads to the nearby corner, and climbs the turnbuckle... Kurtis watches him climb, too pain-struck to stop him... Miller leaps, JACKSONVILLE JAM RIGHT TO THE ANKLE--KURTIS ROLLED TO SAFETY! Dan Miller lands unceremoniously on his ass, and Kurtis is right behind him--SLEEPER HOLD! CHAD KURTIS WITH THE DESPERATION MANEUVER CLAMPED ONTO MILLER'S NECK!
Miller lashes out behind him with his free arm, however, and blatantly rakes Kurtis' face. Our ref, naturally, started to check Miller's vital signs and missed the eye-scratching. Kurtis quickly releases the hold, covering his hurt eyes, and Miller wastes no time going to his feet, plucking The Show up to his feet, seizes the head, BULLDOG, Kurtis hitting the mat like a slaughtered animal. Miller quickly flips him onto his back, there's the pin--
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP!
The crowd pops defiantly because The Show kept himself alive. Dan Miller shakes his head in disapproval, and seizes him this time by the arm, twisting it for good measure as he drags him to the ropes, propping him seated against them. Miller then heads back for the nearest corner, but the ref goes to stop him, arguing that it's no good, Kurtis is literally on the ropes! The Show is reviving, meanwhile, and starts to pull himself off of the ropes--NO GOOD! HANK HENDERSON'S GOT HIM AGAIN! Blatantly choking Kurtis from behind, he keeps him against the ropes--until he sees his partner come flying in, MISSILE DROP KICK to The Show's head! The crowd goes grim and dead, certain they've watched Kurtis' lights turned off... Miller pulls him off of the ropes, cover!
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP!
Miller, furious, shouts directly into Kurtis' ear, and then starts furiously pulling The Show up--THE SHOW! WRAPS--ARMS--WHAT THE--
BILL HEWSON: REVERSE STO! REVERSE STO!
JACK JONES: Yes, we've heard you.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know where Kurtis found the strength... it might be the last move he can pull off! But right now, both men are on the mat, and neither one is moving!
The ref is counting both men... three, four... they're both twitching, but nobody's standing... six, seven... Miller's the first to his feet, and the crowd's hope turns to hate as he rises to his feet, Chad Kurtis barely getting to one knee--HOLD ON! He's seized Miller from his lower position--FIREMAN'S CARRY! Tosses Miller unceremoniously onto his back--meanwhile Kurtis is up, he's testing out his ankle...
BILL HEWSON: YES! CHAD KURTIS IS STANDING TALL! AND PROUD!
Miller picks himself up, gingerly favoring his back now, and a fighting-mad Show is on him! BIG KICK TO THE BACK! TWICE! THREE TIMES! Tacoma comes UNGLUED as Chad Kurtis gives his enemy a taste of his own medicine, lighting up Miller's back with shots that are no doubt audible in the parking lot. From here, Kurtis floats over to Miller's front, and pulls him half-way up... he's setting up for the CK FINALE, looking to end this contest right here and now! But Miller, grunting, straightens himself out to lift Kurtis off of his feet... and Kurtis, quick as a cat, turns himself around to land feet-first behind Miller, seizes him, STARMAKER! Miller just got PLOWED into the canvas! Here comes the ref, and it's OVER--
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-KICK-OUT!
IT'S NOT OVER! Dan Miller barely kicked out of a sure thing, and The Show wisely uses the moment to catch his breath. And then he's back to work, starting to pull Miller up--another CK FINALE attempt?--WHACK, Miller hits a cheap toe kick at The Show's ankle. Kurtis falls away from him, wincing, standing unsteadily on his ankle again.
JACK JONES: Dan Miller wrote himself a fantastic blank cheque when he went to work on that ankle.. and now he's cashing it in! FOR A BILLION DOLLARS!
Kurtis is wobbling, his ankle in pain--Miller's climbed to the top rope--KURTIS SPRINGS! He lashes out to hit the top rope, causing The Dynasty to lose his balance, landing painfully on top of the ring post with his crotch--and while the ref's getting an eyeful of that, HANK HENDERSON CLIMBS THE APRON! He's got Kurtis by the head--AND STARTS UNLOADING PUNCHES ON HIM!
BILL HEWSON: Of all the DESPICABLE, CRAVEN--WAIT A MINUTE! RUNNING TO THE RING--IT'S--IT'S--
JACK JONES: JONOTHAN KURTIS!? NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!
Jonothan springs onto the apron like a wildcat--Hank Henderson turns around, his jaw dropped--DDT! JONOTHAN DRILLS HANK'S HEAD RIGHT OFF OF THE RING APRON WITH A DDT! THE CROWD COMES UNGLUED--Chad watches with satisfaction as he sees him pounce after a completely walloped Henderson--and then turns around--MILLER'S IN THE AIR--
MILLER HIGH LIFE. And it just drives Kurtis to the mat, with Miller floating over for the pin.
From somewhere in the crowd, someone is heard genuinely bursting into tears.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE?
No, it's TWO! Kurtis kicked out at the last second, and the ref RECOGNIZES it, showing the timekeeper two fingers, and the match is still ONGOING. Miller screams something unprintable a the top of his lungs, and then drags the barely-conscious Kurtis back to the turnbuckle, and slowly, slowly, hoists him up.
BILL HEWSON: That's a Superplex he's setting up for, and if he hits it--
JACK JONES: Chad Kurtis just ran out of last chances, Hewson! It's all over as soon as--SON OF A--!
Kurtis comes alive, just ONE MORE TIME. He rocks Miller's face with a headbutt. A second one sees him teeter back, feet still on the second rope. And the third? FULL CONTACT. Miller slides off, landing dumbly onto his feet...
And THAT'S when Chad Kurtis springs.
C
K
FINALE
Time stops dilating for you, and then you get to see the count in real time.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner by pinfall... "THE SHOW" CHAD KURTIS!
TACOMA ERUPTS! Kid Rock comes to life on the sound system, and as Miller lies cold on the mat, Jonothan rushes into the ring and hugs an ecstatic Chad, fighting back his tears as the crowd chants his name, his brother by his side.
BILL HEWSON: His ankle is healed, and he's as tough as ever, folks... give it up for The True PTPer, The Show, Chad Kurtis.
JACK JONES: Yeah, well, we've got the rest of the locker room lined up to beat him, so he oughta save this moment, 'cause he'll never get it again.
BILL HEWSON: Oh shut up. A victorious comeback for the one and only "THE SHOW!"
THEY SAY I'M COCKY! AND I SAY WHAT? IT AIN'T BRAGGIN'!
Better damn well believe it! So long, Southern Destruction!
JACK JONES: Anyway that's why I'm no longer allowed in Tacoma Mall.
BILL HEWSON: You are the only man I know that could start a stampede in a Mall in Washington State.
JACK JONES: That's the nicest thing you've said to me today.
BILL HEWSON: That wasn't exactly a compliment. But let's move on to the next match.
'Feel My Power' by MC Hammer plays as Enrique Rodriguez makes his way wearing baggy pants to the ring. The crowd seems confused as Enrique dances his way to the way to a chorus of boos by fans.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is set for one fall! Introducing first from Austin, Texas... standing at five-foot nine and weighing in at two-hundred and five pounds... he is ENRIQUE RODRIGUEZ!
JACK JONES: Two questions: Where is Jeremy Daines, and what is UP with MC Enrique?
BILL HEWSON: It seems like Enrique is going solo. There has been rumors of the Nation having problems, we saw last month where this man went hardcore and walked out on his team! It seems that he truly is done with the Nation of Innovation and CABS!
JACK JONES: Just like someone from Orlando... leave you when you need him most. My first wife was from Orlando you know.
BILL HEWSON: Didn't know that, but tonight will be our first look at the new Enrique Rodriguez I suppose he might as well get use to be solo. Cause he'll be solo down at the Rebel's Aerial Assault tournament as well!
JACK JONES: Did you actually mention that second class fed name at a NAPW event...
"BAD BOYS BAD BOYS!
WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?"
Ahem. Inner Circle interrupts the commentary as the fans give a big pop for one of their favorites, 'Bad Boy' Joey Malone!
FRANK WARBURTON: Now introducing his opponent, standing five-feet ten inches and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-one pounds! Coming to us from Lloydminster, Alberta, Canada, he is everyone's favorite 'Bad Boy'... 'Bad Boy' Joey Malone---!
Frank barely finishes the entrance when Enrique gets off to a quick start, landing a drop kick as soon as Joey hits the ring! The referee calls for the bell to start this match as Enrique follows up with a serious of chops, backing Malone into the corner where he executes a headscissors move. He snaps Malone to the mat and goes for early cover. Referee counts one... Malone kicks out. Rodriguez picks Malone up by the hair and dropkicks him to the mat. Enrique climbs the ropes going for a high risk move!
JACK JONES: I like this kid's new attitude. It's like I always say once you stop worrying about the "rules," you can start taking care of business!
BILL HEWSON: And you should know all about ignoring the rules. Anyway back to the action --- Malone just out of the way, nick of time!
Malone manages to slide out of the ring just as Enrique lands a moonsault on to the hard ring canvas. Malone capitalizes by sliding back into the ring and delivering a serious of right hands to the face of Rodriguez!
JACK JONES: Can the Ref get control of this match? Those are closed fists!
BILL HEWSON: Jack Jones, always an enforcer of the rules - wait a minute, didn't you just talk about ignoring--- you know what? Never mind!
JACK JONES: Yeah! That's telling me! Oooh!
BILL HEWSON: I loathe you entirely. Malone showing his heart, his never back down attitude! What a shot!
Malone stays on the attack as the crowd is getting behind him. Rodriguez has had enough and takes control back with a low blow followed by a clothesline! The referee has a questioning expression, but he didn't get a clear view of the low blow. Now Enrique drags Malone across the ring by his legs... He slides outside and pull Malone into the ring post family jewels first! And that one the referee didn't miss, yelling at Enrique to 'bring it back in the ring!'
JACK JONES: I know what that move is called!
BILL HEWSON: What's that?
JACK JONES: Painful!
BILL HEWSON: Well, yes --- we have company!
TONY has made his way down to the ring as Rodriguez is taking the match to the outside. He dropkicks Malone to the floor and slides back in to break the ref's ten count. Rodriguez then climbs the ropes. No way! He is going for a dive to the outside.. MALONE MOVES! Rodriguez hits nothing but floor!
BILL HEWSON: That's why it is called high risk.
JACK JONES: High reward if you land, painful if you don't.
Malone is on the attack as TONY tries to slide Rodriguez a steel chair! He gets up on the apron to distract the referee, but... well, he didn't really aim properly. It's JOEY MALONE who gets the chair and nails Enrique in the back with it to a huge pop! Malone slides back in as the ref begins to count Rodriguez out. The ref tells Enrique to get back in the ring as he reaches seven. Enrique yells in response, 'Give me a minute that freakin' hurt'.
JACK JONES: Give the man a timeout! And the win! I mean Joey Malone used a STEEL CHAIR!
BILL HEWSON: There are no timeouts in wrestling, and besides that, it was TONY who introduced the chair into this one! Which begs the question, why is TONY out here when Rodriguez turned his back on the CABS?
Whatever the case, TONY is trying to help Enrique back to the ring... and both men are greeted by a baseball slide by Malone. The ref tells Joey to let him back in the ring. Rodriguez slides back in the ring and delivers an eye gouge to regain control of the match-up. Enrique backs Malone up with a drop kick, but Malone ain't staying down! Malone fights back with right hand then drops to his knees and delivers a low blow, right in front of the ref, to a thunderous pop! The ref reprimands Joey, but the "Bad Boy" simply says to him "What do you want? I'm the BAD BOY!"
And then follows up with a DDT!
Kick-out at two. Joey pulls Enrique back up, cheap shot by Enrique! Joey fires back! Both men are on their feet exchanges blows. Rodriguez gets the advantage with a leg sweep taking Malone down. Rodriguez stays on the attack. Continuing to control this match as he seems to have since the beginning. He puts Malone in a sleeper hold, making him weary... then slings him off the ropes and into a dropkick. Enrique climbs the ropes he is going for the Asai moonsault! Nails it! The cover! ONE, TWO, TH---no! The ref spots Joey's hand on the bottom rope at the last second!
JACK JONES: That was three, that was three!
BILL HEWSON: Two, Malone got his hand on the ropes! Never count the Bad Boy out!
Enrique is back on his feet. Not believing that Malone is still fighting. Rodriguez climbs to the top rope and prepares to execute his 450 splash once again!
JACK JONES: This is it no kicking out of this.
BILL HEWSON: If he lands it you are right this is it.
JACK JONES: What do you mean "if?"
Malone slides out of the way just in time for Enrique to meet the mat hard. Malone is back on his feet and the fans are firmly behind him as he springboards Rodriguez off the ropes and into a clothesline! Malone stays on the attack but Enrique is starting to get his wits back as the two men exchange chops and fists, chops and fist until Malone finally gets control back with not one but two low blows. And the fans love it. Malone seems to be getting a little momentum here as he lands a clothesline taking Rodriguez to the mat. 'Bad Boy' stays on the attack land a Hogan-style leg drop and going for the pin. Ref counts one...two... kick out. Malone stays on the attack... NAILS A ROCKER DROPPER! That's it!
ONE!
TWO!
TONY puts Rodriguez's leg on the rope!
BILL HEWSON: OH come on, Joey had this won --- CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
Chris Kamikaze comes ringside and starts pounding away at TONY! TONY's mom comes out to save her son, then Stein joins the action, bringing Big Mitch along to ringside. Barb wanders out there for some reason. Watch out! It's Esteban! Meanwhile, Malone wants to end this! Rodriguez is dazed...
TOE KICK!
BAD BLASTER!
ONE!
TWO!
TH---
Jeremy Daines has come to Enrique's aid, and once again somebody ELSE has put Enrique's foot on the bottom rope to save him! The referee tells Joey it was only two as Enrique locks eyes with his estranged tag partner...
"I NEED YOU, ENRIQUE" Jeremy yells with tear-filled eyes!
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe what we just saw, Jeremy Daines cheating. It seems so unnatural to him!
JACK JONES: You get used to it. It just takes time and then it becomes second nature.
BILL HEWSON: My point was, I don't think cheating is in Daines' blood! Joey Malone has had this match won twice if it wasn't for the CABS!
Joey goes to pick Enrique up... another low blow! Geez, who booked this show, Bruce Hart? A scoop slam puts Joey in the prone position! As the WGA and CABS brawl on the outside, Enrique climbs the ropes! 450 SPLASH CONNECTS! And just for the hell of it, TONY holds Joey's leg from the outside as the ref counts ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, Enrique Rodriguez!
The WGA help Joey to the back...
Jeremy Daines and Enrique Rodriguez stare each other down... and then hug in the middle of the ring! TONY and TONY's mom join the celebration, TONY's mom's rolls taking the bulk of the view of this group hug.
BILL HEWSON: Well... everything seems to be okay with the Nation despite the rumors. Though this display is making me a little queasy...
JACK JONES: I love a happy ending!
The crowd pelt the CABS with garbage, but it seems that the tension has been eased... which could mean very bad things for the tag division in NAPW!
JACK JONES: Anyways, I decided that uncut was best, and I stand by that decision.
BILL HEWSON: And your wife was happy with the flowers you bought her?
JACK JONES: I stopped talking about flowers five minutes ago.
"Look Out Below" ends the awkwardness as the fans turn hostile towards the man making his way to the ring...
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the NAPW Heritage Championship! Making his way to the ring is the challenger. From Parts Unknown British Columbia, he weighs two hundred and thirty pounds... he is THE SCREAMING FALCON!
Falcon ignores the boos of the fans, and stares intently at the ring entrance, waiting for the champion...
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!!"
More boos for the Heritage Champion, but I don't think he cares either...
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent, he weighs in at two hundred and eighty nine pounds. From Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he is the NAPW Heritage Champion: JAKE PHOENIX!
Phoenix makes it to ringside only for Falcon to dive through the ropes! Phoenix taken into the ring barrier by the challenger as Falcon goes for a shock and awe approach! Falcon lays in with chops to the champion as referee John Sharplin calls for them to take the match to the ring. Falcon pays no attention, as he climbs onto the ring apron and goes for a Whisper in the Wind... Phoenix catches him... and swings him into the guard rail! The fans don't like either man, but that gets a pop! Phoenix drags Falcon up and rolls him into the ring. The champ is quick to follow, and Sharplin calls for the bell to officially start the match. Phoenix drives forearms into the back of Falcon, trying to break the smaller man in two. Falcon gets an elbow to Phoenix's gut, but that only provides a moment's reprieve, as Phoenix hits a short arm clothesline, driving Falcon to the mat. Falcon rolls to his stomach, and Phoenix plants a knee in his spine, grabs a handful of hair, and with his free hand punches Falcon repeatedly in the back of the head. Sharplin threatens to call for a DQ, but Phoenix obligingly lets go. Falcon is on dream street as Phoenix scoops him up for a body slam, but he has enough presence of mind to jab his thumb into Phoenix's eye, stopping the champ's momentum.
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix in a foul mood this evening. He's just looking to pummel Falcon.
JACK JONES: Falcon can never be counted out, Hewson.
Indeed, "The Falcon" hits the ropes, and comes back with a chop block to Phoenix's knee, earning massive heat from the crowd. Phoenix sinks to one knee, as Falcon scales the ropes and comes off with a Whisper in the Wind. This time it connects! Phoenix is down, and Falcon goes for a cover! One.. two.. Phoenix kicks out with authority! Falcon dropkicks a rising Phoenix in the face, then tries for the Talon Clutch, but Phoenix powers put of it. Falcon tries to claw at Phoenix's eyes, but the champ gets a hand up and shoves Falcon to the ropes. Falcon springs back... into a big boot! Falcon knocked over the top rope and to the floor! Phoenix tries to walk off the damage to his knee before he goes after Falcon. Falcon is slow to get up, but he manages to get an elbow to Phoenix's jaw to stave off further beating.
Falcon kicks at Phoenix's injured knee, causing the champ to stagger. Falcon pounces, managing to get Phoenix's throat across the guard rail, and choke him out. Sharplin keeps the count going, so Falcon lets go of the choke, slides into the ring, then slides back out. He stands on the ring apron, and dives off, dropping a leg across Phoenix's neck, driving him into the guard rail! Falcon tries to drag Phoenix back to the ring, but Phoenix manages hit a hard left to the face of Falcon! Falcon wobbles, and Phoenix grabs him and Irish Whips him into the ring post! Falcon goes down in a heap as Phoenix slides back into the ring to break the count. The champ spits out a mouthful of blood as the fans cheer the mayhem, not necessarily the man.
BILL HEWSON: Falcon looks to be busted open, and Phoenix is bleeding from the mouth. Both men doing whatever it takes to be Heritage Champion...
Phoenix is back outside, and he hauls Falcon up. He tosses the challenger back into the ring, and quickly follows. Phoenix grabs Falcon by the scruff of the neck, then hauls off and smacks him with a hard slap. He then backhands him, before hauling him up for a fall away slam! Falcon crashes to the mat, and Phoenix covers! One.. two.. Falcon gets a foot on the bottom rope! Phoenix drags him to his feet, and goes for a chokeslam! Falcon grabs the ropes, and Sharplin tries to force a break, allowing Falcon to sneak in a low blow! Phoenix releases the hold, and Falcon smirks as the fans boo. Sharplin knows something is fishy here, but since he didn't see anything, there's not a whole lot he can do. Falcon stalks Phoenix, waits for the right moment then NAILS a superkick! Phoenix slumps into the turnbuckles, and Falcon races in for a dropkick! Catches Phoenix under the jaw, but does not take him down! Falcon races in again, hitting him with a flying elbow. Phoenix rattled, but again, does not go down. Falcon takes a few steps back for a running start as he goes for a Stinger Splash! He crashes into Phoenix... But Phoenix holds on to him, and slams him hard to the mat!
BILL HEWSON: The Screaming Falcon can't seem to keep his momentum. And it's not for lack of effort...
Phoenix boots Falcon hard in the base of the spine, then hauls him to his feet, and goes for a chokeslam again. Falcon grabs the ropes, forcing Phoenix to loosen his grip. Falcon grabs a head scissors and takes them both over the top rope to the floor! Both men land hard, and Falcon wraps his arm around Phoenix's throat, trying to do more damage! Phoenix flips Falcon over, then tries to stomp him, Falcon rolls out of the way, and sneaks behind and locks on the choke again! Phoenix tries to flip him again, but isn't successful this time. Phoenix grabs Falcon's legs and piggybacks him towards the ring post... then turns around and rams Falcon into the post! Falcon visibly grimaces in pain, but does not let go.
Which means Phoenix has to ram him again.
Falcon starts to let up, but not quickly enough, as Phoenix rams him one more time, and Falcon drops to the ground. Phoenix spits out a mouthful of blood, then turns and repeatedly punches Falcon in the face. Falcon tries to score a low blow or a thumb to the eye, but Phoenix is beyond relentless at this point. Falcon gets tossed into the ring, and Phoenix climbs onto the apron and steps over the top rope. Falcon is dragged to his feet, and tossed to the ropes. Phoenix tries to catch him with a clothesline, but Falcon ducks it, hits the opposite ropes, and he goes for Unkindness! Phoenix stands his ground, and flapjacks Falcon to the mat! No fooling around here, Phoenix hauls Falcon up and sets him up for the TOMBSTONE! And plants him in the mat! A cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner, and STILL Heritage Champion: Jake Phoenix!
The cheers don't last long as Phoenix grabs his belt and leaves. Falcon is moving, but not a great deal after taking the Tombstone...
BILL HEWSON: I don't much like his attitude as of late, but credit where it's due: Falcon never once backed down, but he just could not topple the giant Phoenix.
JACK JONES: Pure rage won't go down easy. No matter what tactics you use. Falcon has a bright future, but it just wasn't meant to be tonight.
But it's not over.
Jake Phoenix slides out to ringside... and grabs a steel chair from the timekeeper! The crowd is buzzing as Falcon has left the ring, but Phoenix ignores him, grabbing the microphone from Frank Warburton and climbing back into the ring. Phoenix opens the chair up and thunks it down in mid-ring, straddling it and lifting the microphone to his mouth.
JAKE PHOENIX: So lemme get this *BLEEP*in' straight.
Boo! Phoenix looks toward the crowd briefly and grimaces, then continues.
JAKE PHOENIX: Beast decides to lose his *BLEEP*in' mind, and NAPW doesn't waste *any* time in suspending him and tossin' him out on his ass. But *I* get SCREWED out of the *BLEEP*in' World title... and THEY STILL HAVEN'T SAID A (BLEEP) THING?!
The crowd boos Phoenix for the most part, but a number of people are cheering him.
JAKE PHOENIX: Let's make this real *BLEEP*in' clear - it took me this long to finally drag a World title shot outta those *BLEEP*in' idiots in the office, and when I finally got it, I got screwed outta the title because of THEIR bull*BLEEP*! And now they've been promising, and promising, and PROMISING a result, and I ain't heard *BLEEP* yet!
More booing from the crowd as Phoenix gets up from the chair, looking toward the entranceway.
JAKE PHOENIX: So get this through your head, boys - you better have enjoyed the first part of this *BLEEP*in' show.. because until that bitch Terry Brandon gets his ass out here and tells me what I wanna hear.. YOU AIN'T *GETTIN'* THE REST OF IT!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell is Phoenix doing?!
Phoenix picks up the chair and turns it around, then sits down in the chair with a creak.
JAKE PHOENIX: Until Brandon's out here, THIS SHOW AIN'T GOIN' ON!
JACK JONES: Jake's doing a sitdown strike!
BILL HEWSON: Phoenix is holding this show up because he hasn't gotten an answer from Terry Brandon! This is not the way to do this!
The crowd is getting extremely angry at the Murder City Devil, who's effectively stopped the show halfway through. Phoenix leans back in the chair, crossing one leg over the other.
JAKE PHOENIX: I've got all *BLEEP*in' night, Brandon!
A number of officials have come to ringside and are entering the ring to try to persuade Phoenix to leave the ring... but Phoenix gets up out of the chair and moves toward them, causing them to scatter! The refs are back out of the ring as quick as they came in, with Phoenix standing in the ring.
BILL HEWSON: And now he's threatening referees! What has gotten into this man's head?!
JACK JONES: He thinks he got screwed, amigo! And now he's taking matters into his own hands!
The crowd begins cheering, but not because the referees have left... but because NAPW Commissioner Terry Brandon has entered the building from the back. He watches the referees leave to the backstage area as he comes halfway up the aisle, microphone in hand. Phoenix, still in the ring, has gotten up and is standing at the ropes closest to him.
JAKE PHOENIX: Well?! SAY SOMETHING!
TERRY BRANDON: Jake Phoenix, I promise you that I will have a decision on your championship match with Lloyd Rees... next week!
The crowd cheers loudly. Phoenix isn't cheering. In fact, he's even more pissed off than before!
JAKE PHOENIX: NEXT WEEK?!
TERRY BRANDON: Next week in Seattle, July Twenty-Second, I will have a decision for you! I guarantee it!
Another cheer from the crowd... which goes quickly because Jake Phoenix is exiting the ring, and he's moving straight for Brandon! Brandon is holding his ground, but the officials aren't taking any chances - they're back out to stand between the commissioner and the Murder City Devil. Phoenix raises his hands as if to say "I ain't gonna do nothing"... and passes by Brandon in the aisle. Brandon hasn't taken his eyes off Phoenix. Phoenix stops next to the entrance, and looks back at Brandon, pointing a finger at him and saying "You better make the right decision, if you know what's good for you" before shoving his way past an official and exiting the area.
-INTERMISSION-
JACK JONES: ...and so that is why Swiss lingirie is considered higher class than French.
BILL HEWSON: Hair raising and disturbing all in one, thank you, Jack Attack.
"All Hell For A Basement" by Big Sugar hits the arena and the fans boo in glorious unison as Wayne Wright and Mark "The Moose" Millar saunter their way to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is a tag team attraction scheduled for one fall. Approaching the ring, at a combined weight of five hundred and six pounds... "The Moose" Mark Millar and Wayne Wright, they are Grade "A" Alberta Attitude.
BILL HEWSON: Ol' Moose and Wayne look ready and pumped for action tonight, but just who are their opponents going to be? You have to figure that the mystery opponent factor plays into their
JACK JONES: As a competitor, you never like the idea of not knowing who your opponents are going to be, but in this case I say Wayne and Moose got nothing to worry about. They're Grade A, they're Attitude, they're what NAPW needs to strive to be...
BILL HEWSON: You bet on them to win this didn't you.
JACK JONES: I don't know what you're talking about, Bill. *Big Wink* But like I've always heard tell, the mystery guy(s) never win.
Moose and Wayne are busy getting pumped up and testing the ropes for elasticity when the arena goes quiet in anticipation of who the mystery opponents are. Frank Warburton is fumbling through his cue cards to figure it out as well when suddenly the silence is interrupted by theme unfamiliar to anyone. "Corduroy" by Pearl Jam invades our senses slowly at first and then builds up to the assaulting voice of Eddie Vedder "The waiting drove me mad...you're finally here and I'm a mess...I take your entrance back...can't let you roam inside my head..."
And then the crowd really lets out a roar of astonishment, from those who remember that far back at least. Which, even here in Tacoma, is most of them.
BILL HEWSON: Good Gawd, I don't believe it... CHRIS CASINO and EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
JACK JONES: Holy Melonballs, Batman, this a real scoop!
Indeed, it is the two NAPW Ring of Prestige inductees from 2006 and 2007 respectively. Both former champions take a moment to breathe in the electricity in the air before nodding to each other and breaking into a sprint toward the ring. Casino and Evan slide under the bottom rope as a slightly shocked Moose and Wayne gather themselves and begin pummeling the returning duo with stomps and right hands just before the bell rings.
Grade "A" seem to have the momentary advantage and move their men into opposite corners. Wayne Wright kicks at Casino in the breadbasket while The Moose lands some heavy ham fists to the dome of Evan Cartwright. They both Irish Whip their opponents in an attempt to have them collide, but Casino and Cartwright reverse the trend and Grade "A" collides with one another head first. Casino lands a superkick to the chin of Wayne Wright and the owner of the fabled TVzilla goes tumbling over the top rope to the outside. Cartwright measures the Moose meanwhile and absolutely nails him with The Perfect Uppercut (TOASTY!!) which practically knocks the big man out on his feet. He sways in the nonexistent wind as Casino and Cartwright execute a picture perfect double team dropkick that sends Moose over the top right next to his partner. Casino and Cartwright take this break in the action to climb atop opposite turnbuckles and pose for the numerous camera flashes that are going off in the audience.
BILL HEWSON: This is unbelievable, Evan Cartwright and Chris Casino have not been seen or heard from in quite some time here in NAPW, then all of a sudden they return shrouded in secrecy!
JACK JONES: This smells of underhandedness to me, I should have been warned before I called my bookie that these two were coming back soon!
BILL HEWSON: Maybe this is Commissioner Brandon's way of teaching you a lesson, Jack. After all, he and these two go way back!
Referee Anthony Uruburu finally decides to assert himself some in this donnybrook and wrangles Cartwright into the corner while Casino waits until Wayne Wright is clearheaded enough to get into the ring. Casino taunts the Red Deer native and lures him into taking a foolish swing. Casino easily ducks, grabs Wayne from behind...up he goes, and down onto Casino's knee for the atomic drop. Casino is quick to hook him up for a suplex but instead drops him on his head for the brainbuster. Cover by Casino, but it only reaches two before he lifts Wayne up and shakes his head, much to the approval of the crowd. Casino tags in Cartwright who gets an equally boisterous cheer from all around. Casino holds back Wayne's arms and Cartwright unleashes with a perfect chop which echoes throughout followed by a "WOOOO!" from the people.
JACK JONES: Is Ric Flair in the building?
Evan takes Wayne down with a series of Japanese armdrags that leave before literally hurling him into his corner and demands for The Moose to be tagged in. Mark Millar slaps Wayne on the back and enters with relish.
BILL HEWSON: History between these two, if you remember, The Moose defeated an injured Evan Cartwright for what was then the Provincial Championship, way back in 2006.
JACK JONES: Know-it-all.
Moose charges for the big lariat, but sidesteps and takes Moose down with a Side Russian Legsweep. Cartwright kips up, looking as nimble as ever, and hits the ropes to nail the rising Moose with a devastating Roaring Elbow followed by an impressive Sambo Suplex. Cover by Cartwright only gets a two as Moose kicks out of the pin. Cartwright tags in Casino and both men whip the big man into the ropes and send him sailing overhead with a double back body drop. Wayne Wright charges in only to be taken down at the legs by Cartwright, then lifted and planted with a Wheelbarrow Suplex. The momentum sends Wayne back upright only to be caught by a standing dropkick from Casino to the kisser that sends Wayne to the outside once again. Casino quickly goes to the dazed Moose and hooks him up for the Bankrupt while Evan starts climbing to the top turnbuckle. Casino does the requisite spin and plants Moose face first in the middle of the ring before rolling out of the ring and whipping Wayne Wright into the guardrail. Evan Cartwright is perched on the top as flashes go off around him. He measures the distance and unleashes with a Somersaulting Legdrop off the top that lands across the head and neck of the prone Moose. Cartwright rolls him over for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of this contest, the team of CHRIS CASINO and EVAN CARTWRIGHT!
BILL HEWSON: What a devastating pair of maneuvers by Casino and Cartwright, they absolutely destroyed Grade "A" Alberta Attitude. You have to think this will not go unnoticed by every other tag team in NAPW.
JACK JONES: Every competitor for that matter, singles or tag. This is HUGE news!
Uruburu tries to raise Cartwright's arm, but thinks better of it after a hard stare from the former NAPW Triple Crown Champion who is joined soon by his partner, the former NAPW Grand Slam Champion. As a group of officials and medical personal help the members of Grade "A" Alberta Attitude from the ring, Evan Cartwright and Chris Casino stand tall in the ring. The chants start off small but quickly build up steam until the entire building seems to be joining in with -
"WELCOME BACK!"
"WELCOME BACK!"
"WELCOME BACK!"
Cartwright looks over at Casino who shrugs his shoulders and smirks. Casino asks for a microphone and addresses the red hot crowd.
CHRIS CASINO: I think that chant's for you partner cause Lord knows these filthy Washingtonians hate my ass.
Cartwright laughs and bows for the crowd who eat it up.
CHRIS CASINO: In a day and age where wrestling has become stale and boring, it's my great pleasure to announce that Evan Cartwright and Chris Casino have come home to NAPW!
A huge pop from the crowd. Who can blame them? Greatness is in the building.
CHRIS CASINO: I'm not going to stand here and waste a lot of time saying who or what we want. You'll just have to wait for that. Instead I'll simply state the facts. Standing before you is a tag team that is comprised of not one but two Triple Crown champions. Two Ring Of Prestige Inductees. Two men who have a total of ten separate championship reigns between us. We are the best and we're going to prove it once and for all.
Another loud ovation from the crowd. Casino looks over at his partner and best friend and grins.
CHRIS CASINO: And now, a word from a man who is pure perfection!
Casino hands off the microphone to Cartwright.
EVAN CARTWRIGHT: It's good to be back home... for too long myself and Chris allowed ourselves to be nomads, but that all ends now, we're here to set down our roots and overrun the garden. But before that can take place, we have to come in here and school the new blood who think that they run this house. Time to show them that the old school isn't limited to names like D!, Ravager, and LDK.
Another big pop from the crowd at the mention of these NAPW legends.
EVAN CARTWRIGHT: They aren't the only legends still breathing, and soon enough all of you will be witness to the greatest pairing of NAPW legends to ever grace the tag division. But make no mistake, we will take on anybody's challenge... as long as they can find a partner and can manage to beat both of us as a team. Divided we were mighty, but together, we're simply... untouchable.
Some of the smarter marks go nuts at the mention of that piece of history.
EVAN CARTWRIGHT: We don't need to make threats or claims any further after this, we'll let our actions speak for us from now on. Just be comfortable with the fact that we are here and we don't intend to just hang out and see what transpires...
Evan hands the microphone back to Casino.
CHRIS CASINO: We intend to make things happen!
Casino drops the stick and both men give each other a clasping high five. They avoid the outstretched hands of the rabid fans but Cartwright manages to raise a fist in the air before they depart from view.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is the FOUR-CORNERS contest! The first man to score a pinfall or submission will win the match! Wrestlers must tag into the match, or come in when a wrestler has been thrown to the floor! Now, introducing the participants!
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first accompanied to the ring by Lady Sparks... weighing in at one-hundred and seventy-eight pounds, from Staten Island New York... STONE ZELLOR!
The crowd erupt in boos as the lanky, cocksure Stone Zellor comes out. He's wearing the REBEL PIMP belt and Tag title belt, and his cockiness comes out. Stone Zellor is dripping with gold, and rubbing it into everybody's face. Lady Sparks is in a gold dress to match. They hit the ring, and then the music changes...
"NOTE TO SELF, DON'T DIE!"
Ryan Adams hits, and the crowd heat goes up a notch. Or twelve. Sorry, Stone but you won't "mosted hated" against this man. D! comes out in his jeans and t-shirt and flame-detailed Harley boots. He turns around to pose...
And suddenly, a banner unfurls from above the curtain? A banner showing a middle finger! The color drains from D!'s face as he looks on. He turns around the crowd is chanting "DEEEEE...SUCKS! DEEEEE...SUCKS!" and flashing him the one-"letter" salute! Some fans have more "one-'letter'" banners!"
JACK JONES: Get that down, what the hell is this?!
BILL HEWSON: It seems that Trent Daniels and his street team have struck again!
FRANK WARBURTON: Next, weighing in at two-hundred and thirteen pounds... from Edmonton, Alberta, this is D!
He hits the ring and juts his jaw in Stone's direction, and tries to ignore the fans. The fans don't like them, they don't like each other, I mean, what could be any better?
"WE FALL, WE FALL!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Weighing in at two-hundred fifty-four pounds... from St. Paul Minnesota, he is TOMMY DEATHROW!
The walking, talking STD comes to the ring with his usual drunken swagger, swigging from a bottle of ... fine imported wine? Well, sure. It's not like he discriminates. But hey! The crowd is relieved to see a face they like seeing, even if it's Tommy's greasy mop.
And then they cheer even louder because Smashing Pumpkins' "Zero" kicks up. And that brings out the biggest man in the match, a big star in pro wrestling...
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally! Weighing in at three-hundred and thirty-five pounds... from Houston Texas, "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
Dan Ryan comes to the ring, who's going to start this off? Well, Deathrow isn't leaving the ring, sitting in the corner happily imbibing. Stone Zellor shoves D! and runs in to kick him WHAM! Punch from STD! Ryan and D! take a corner and the match is on, Dick Kiebiech presiding as referee. STD throwing wild rights and lefts, Stone getting rocked! He staggers, STD pops him! Staggers to a corner, Tommy is right behind WHAMMO! Stone wants to tag out to D! in his corner, but D! doesn't look too interested in getting in with Tommy, leaning back. Stone's eyes widen, then he whips backwards as Tommy grabs him. Irish whip, clothesline knocks Stone Zellor down! Tommy hits the ropes, Dan Ryan wants in! Tags Tommy on the shoulder. STD looks around, wondering what the eff, but gets ushered out. Ryan gets in, props Stone up...
CHOP.
The huge hand of Dan Ryan resounds sickeningly off of Stone's skinny chest.
BILL HEWSON: My God, my God! Dan Ryan damn near caved in the chest of Stone Zellor with that chop!
JACK JONES: Disqualify him, ref!
BILL HEWSON: I... I don't know if he can. If Tommy Deathrow is in a match, that means it's SUPERSTAR RULES! No DQ, no Count-Out!
JACK JONES: ... ah, hell! Run away Stone, run away!
He couldn't if he wanted to as Dan Ryan easily picks Stone up, looking out to the fans with a smirk. He facelocks Stone, then lifts him up... suplex! And he's making him think about it. The crowd begins to count along as Ryan holds Stone up, up, up... they're up to twenty! Ryan drops an arm, he's holding the lithe Stone with ONE BLOODY ARM! Thirty-eight, thirty-nine... FORTY! Ryan falls backwards, delivering a thudding impact to Stone Zellor.
But he doesn't cover.
Dan Ryan picks Stone up and tosses him to D!'s corner. Before D! can react, Stone slaps D! to tag him in. Ryan cracks his knuckles and tells D! to get his ass on in. D! steps through the ropes, BACK OUT as Ryan advances. "Ref, keep him back! Keep him back!" Kiebiech tells Ryan to let the man in...
BILL HEWSON: These two have been engaging in a bitter, heated war of words all week on NAPW-online! And now we will finally get to see them go at it... D! and Dan Ryan, meeting for the first time ever!
JACK JONES: Oh man, I can't wait for D! to bust the Ego Buster!
D! gets in, the crowd is getting amped... he looks to Dan Ryan, then back at the crowd, yelling for them to shut up. They respond in kind. D! and Dan Ryan look to tie up...
And D! goes the other way and tags in Tommy Deathrow. The crowd boos. STD shrugs, tags a swig, and comes in. He throws a right hand at Dan Ryan! Ryan with a right! Deathrow! Ryan! Deathrow! Ryan! Ryan is a hell of a hoss, but nobody outbrawls Tommy Deathrow! STD has Ryan reeling but not off his feet, one, two, three shots... STD off the ropes! HE CHARGES --- SUPERKICK! Ryan floors Tommy! ONE! TWO! Stone breaks up the fall! He pulls STD to his corner and tags himself in off of Tommy. Stone comes in and PIMP SLAPS Dan Ryan!
Oh.
Hmm.
RYAN FLOORS STONE! Zellor bounces off the canvas, picked up, GORILLA PRESS, D! kicks Ryan in the gut! What a cheap shot! Zellor goes to the top as D! scarpers out of the ring before Ryan can get him. Ryan turns around... MISSILE DROPKICK from Stone! Finally takes Dan Ryan to the floor! Cover one, two, HUGE kick-out by Dan Ryan! Stone goes flying to the floor. He climbs up to the ring apron, Ryan grabs him, Stone throws a shoulder into Ryan's gut through the ropes. Another one, Stone with a sunset flip on the big man! Trying to get him over, get him over... no! Ryan just punches the face, Stone barely dodges! He throws a lariat that rocks Dan Ryan but doesn't put him down, then hits the ropes, comes off for a lariat... WHAMMO! Ryan just sticks his arm out and Stone 360s from the impact! Stone is close to the corner, tags in Tommy Deathrow, Deathrow comes in... SPINEBUSTER! Ryan covers! ONE! TWO!
D! breaks up the fall!
BILL HEWSON: What a coward! D! won't face Dan Ryan man-to-man, but he keeps breaking up Ryan's pins and derailing his momentum! And now I think he's going to get it!
JACK JONES: D! can handle a big lug like Dan Ryan... oh. Um. RUN D! RUN!
Lots of that in this one! Ryan reaches out and catches D! by the back of the shirt! He pulls D! in, holding him with both hands as D! struggles... wait a minute! Stone Zellor dropkicks Ryan from behind. D! takes advantage and hits a drop-toe hold that sends Ryan into the corner. Dan turns around, seated in the corner...
D! WITH A BASEMENT DROPKICK --- to the nads.
Deathrow comes around... D! KICKS A FIELD GOAL WITH HIS TESTES!
D! rounds on Stone Zellor, KICKS ---
"YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!"
Stone stands stall, crotch thrust forward, look of disdain on his face.
"BALLS OF STEEL, BITCH!"
D! looks at Stone with a twisted, painful expression, as Stone smirks, shucks, jives... and PUNTS D! IN THE BALLS.
JACK JONES: Who booked this, Bruce Hart?
BILL HEWSON: I'll say this and this alone: it's a good thing Dan Ryan already has a kid, but I don't know if Deathrow or D! will ever be able to know that joy!
JACK JONES: Ewwwwww!
BILL HEWSON: Of having a child, you pervert!
Stone is the only man up, the referee is losing control of this, Kiebiech isn't sure who's legal anymore. But that's the nature of this kind of match! Stone picks up Tommy Deathrow... STONE'S THROW! He covers ONE, TWO, TH--- D! barely breaks it up. He whips Stone up --- ROUNDHOUSE! And now D! grabs Deathrow, grits through the pain, locking on PLEASANT CYCLING! Dan Ryan has taken a powder to the outside, holding his balls still. Stone is on the outside, Lady Sparks trying to tend to him... Stone wants to go after Dan Ryan! He comes in with an axhandle, Ryan floors him! Ryan pounding on Stone outside the ring!
But in the ring, Tommy Deathrow is locked in the Pleasant Cycling, middle of the ring, nowhere to go! He's trying to hold on, Deathrow is one tough son of a bitch, but how long can he hold on? How long...
JACK JONES: He's done, he's tapping OH MY AHHHHHHH!
BILL HEWSON: Some fan just --- OH MY LORD, HE'S NAKED! SOME FAN HAS STREAKED THE RING!
JACK JONES: AHHHHHHH MY EYES!
BILL HEWSON: And... I don't want to look, but wait a minute... he has D! SUCKS PAINTED ON HIS CHEST???
D! looks up into the jogging wang of this daring fan, who flips D! the middle finger and then boogies his naked ass out of the ring and through the crowd, security giving chase! D!, incensed, lets up on Pleasant Cycling and starts screaming out after the streaker. "DANIELS! DANIELS! YOU THINK YOU HAVE ME? HUH? YOU HAVE NOTHING! NOTHING! I OWN YOU! SCREW YOU STREET TEAM!" He fingers the crowd!
And they respond in kind, shouting "DEEEEEEE...SUCKS!" as loud as they possibly can! D! finally turns around, and unfortunately for him, he runs right into the SWEATY BALL CLAW!
CROWD EXPLODE!
D! could be all done here, but Stone Zellor comes in and elbows STD in the back to save the match. He wants the win! Stone dumps D! over the top rope, D! splats on the floor. Stone picks up Tommy... and LOCKS ON ZELLORFICATION!
BILL HEWSON: Oh no! Deathrow locked in another deadly submission hold! And I don't think, uh, the save will be coming like it did against D!
JACK JONES: This is over! He's too stupid to give up!
BILL HEWSON: Deathrow has so much guts, but... DAN RYAN IS BACK IN THE RING! HOLY HELL! WHAT A BELLY TO BELLY! Stone Zellor skids out of the ring to the floor! I can't believe it! Dan Ryan pulls Tommy Deathrow up, STD fires back! He's got Ryan staggered, can he knock him down?
JACK JONES: There's your answer to that!
BILL HEWSON: A hell of a spinebuster, shaking the ring! Ryan covers, ONE, TWO, TH---Deathrow just kicks out! And now Dan Ryan is signalling, it's time for Deathrow to learn some HUMILITY!
HUMILITY BOMB coming up! He preps Deathrow, preparing to lift him above his head...WHAM! STD hits the canvas like a sack of wet potatoes! Ryan goes to cover...
WHEN DONOVAN ASTROS SLIDES INTO THE RING AND CLIPS HIS KNEE --- AGAIN!
JACK JONES: HOORAY!
BILL HEWSON: Get him out of here! He's not part of NAPW --- he's not part of anything! I can't believe it, Donovan Astros has turned up in TACOMA of all places! Now he's getting the hell out of Dodge after attacking Dan Ryan again, I don't --- I can't believe it!
Astros is heading out of the crowd, but suddenly a security guard darts out from the side and tackles him down! Astros hits the floor, and gets dogpiled by security! Dan Ryan has rolled out of the ring, he is furious, snarling, he's GOING OVER THE RAIL TO GET TO ASTROS! Twice now Donovan Astros has attacked him, Astros isn't even a member of NAPW, he never will be again!
WAIT A MINUTE! D! IS IN THE RING! Tommy is still down from the HUMILITY BOMB, D! grabs a leg, ONE, TWO, THREE! OH COME ON!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here is your winner... D!
BILL HEWSON: WHAT? D! just stole Dan Ryan's fall! Of all the... D! wins the match! But the real story is Donovan Astros cost Dan Ryan the contest.
JACK JONES: And security's got him! They've got him!
BILL HEWSON: GOOD! Get him the hell OUT of here!
Astros is screaming bloody murder as security haul him up. Ryan is yelling as he limps, "I WANT A PIECE." But security just wants to get Astros the hell out! He fights and gets punched from different guards. The camera follows the scene as they go towards the exit of the building, Astros flailing, Ryan trying to get him some, and then finally security knock the doors open... and literally HEAVE Astros out of the building to land unceremoniously on the front stoop! Ryan storms past them, and suddenly a half-dozen security are trying to hold him back! Donovan Astros is NOT an NAPW wrestler, Ryan could be in severe legal trouble if he attacks him! This could be a very ugly situation for NAPW itself... Ryan throws guards away like swatting flies, until suddenly Terry Brandon is there trying desperately to restore order to the situation! He looks at Astros, yelling "STAY THE HELL AWAY!," then pulls the doors closed. The camera, now outside, looks at the shut door, then pans to Astros, who is bleeding from a split lip... but grinning as he nurses his wounds on the gravel.
BILL HEWSON: What a turn of events we have seen... but it doesn't change the match result. By hook AND by crook, D! is your winner, and boy is he rubbing it in.
Stone limps off, scowling, Lady Sparks at his side. D! is cheering, egging on the street team, mocking them. "Where's Trenty, huh? Where's Trenty?"
D! steps through the ropes, leaning forward to mock them even more... when suddenly two fans LAUNCH the contents of large steel pails towards the arrogant D!
*SPLASH!*
JACK JONES: WHY DO WE LET THEM IN WITH THAT STUFF?
BILL HEWSON: D! has been... D! has been drenched in some kind of liquid, I think it's... wait a minute, Jack, look at the bits on the canvas and floor! Are those... letter Ds?
JACK JONES: No. NO! They couldn't ---!
D! blinks away orange from his eyes. Orange... soup.
Alphabet soup.
Comprised solely of the letter D!.
His bottom limp begins trembling. The fans mock D! with fingers, catcalls, as D! stands soaked, in a puddle of the letter D! and soup. Without even being in the building, Trent Daniels has one-upped D! yet AGAIN.
BILL HEWSON: So exactly how did the man save your life?
JACK JONES: I was going to jump, I'd had enough of this world!
BILL HEWSON: And this man caught you?
JACK JONES: No, I landed on him. But after apologizing and calling an ambulance, I realized my life could be worse, I could be the guy on the ground.
BILL HEWSON: But that particular Super Eight Motel only has two floors... why would you try to kill yourself jumping off that?
JACK JONES: BUT IT LOOKED SO HIGH UP! You'd have to stay there to understand.
BILL HEWSON: I HAVE...
FRANK WARBURTON: Tacoma... you ready for the main event? (pop) THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SET FOR ONE FALL WITH A SIXTY MINUTE TIME LIMIT.. AND IT'S FOR THE NAPW CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!
Superjoint Ritual kills your ears, rocks your soul, and thrashes your senses with "The Alcoholik". And out comes the challenger. Tore up jeans, and the look of a former cocaine peddler/user, but that's the way Krusty Kid Paul is.. He walks to the ring intense, ignoring the Washington state as they tell him where to go and how to get there. He enters the ring and is ready to explode all over Rees, but not in the same way he exploded over that forty-eight year old stripper last night.
FRANK WARBURTON: The challenger. He is a former NAPW Tag Team Champion. From Kitchener, Ontario, he weighs in at two hundred thirty eight pounds. KRUSTY! KID! PAUL!
BILL HEWSON: KKP had one of the biggest victories of his life last month. And the week prior he held his own in a brutal match with Matthew Kurtis and Jake Phoenix. Tonight though, he faces the absolute best NAPW has to offer, the World Champ. You think KKP can dominate Rees?
JACK JONES: Yes, and I think he will too. This isn't about Rees anymore. It's a Krusty world, and that world deserves a Krusty champion.
The Black Keys bring out a cheer, that turns into a huge ovation when the Champ appears. Rees is sporting a protective mask, a la Rip Hamilton of the Detroit Pistons. The man of most decorated status, and current champ, walks to the ring. Fighting off challenge after challenge, and just a month prior was REBEL and NAPW World champ. He just has one belt now, and he damn sure is holding on tight. He enters the ring, too looking very business happy.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent. A former NAPW Tag Team, Heritage, and Television Champion. He is from Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland. He weighs in at two hundred forty five pounds. He is the current reigning and defending , NAPW CHAMPION OF THE WORLD... THE TECHNICAL TERROR, L! D! K! LLOYD REES!
JACK JONES: This man is crazy. Wrestling with a broken Orbital Bone is insane.
BILL HEWSON: He is the World Champ, and he will not back down at all. Broken bones will not stop the man from Newfoundland.
John Sharplin calls for the bell. Lloyd Rees adjusts his face mask and Krusty Kid Paul looks at him, super determined. They approach one another and the trash talking begins. "F*CK YOU MOTHERF*CKER, THAT BELT'S MINE", "YA WANT ME BELT, YA GONNA HAVE T'DIE FOR IT!" Trash talking leads to punches being thrown. Sharplin has to warn both men about using closed fists, and that warning is ignored. Sharplin lets them go rather than stopping them. Rees is knocked to the ground. An approaching KKP gets tripped up and Rees quickly applies a Fujiwara Armbar. KKP is quickly in the ropes and Rees releases at a count of four. Rees was smartly wanting to dominate KKP as along as possible. Both men up and KKP charges only to be hit with a Steamboat-esque deep armdrag. Krusty Kid Paul rises quickly and again charges Rees, this time nailing a vicious clothesline. With Rees down, the big HEAVY boots of KKP land all over the Champs body. Paul is relentless and Rees finally gets in the ropes. Paul backs off, not wanting to risk any chance to get disqualified. He is too close to being the champ for that.
BILL HEWSON: This is a smart KKP, not pushing nothing too bad. Paul loves his hardcore, but he would love a win over Lloyd Rees even more.
JACK JONES: Yeah, and besides, Sharplin and the NAPW wants zero mistakes after the controversy at the last show.
Rees is let up but is blind sided with a BIG TIME BOOT to the head. Rees is knocked to the outside of the ring with that one. John Sharplin begins to the lay down the count. KKP takes full opportunity of the ref being busy. He unties the top turnbuckle pad. The crowd goes crazy with boos, and try to tell Sharplin. Rees gets up at the count of six, and by the count of eight is back in the ring. KKP is waiting for him. Rees is grabbed up quick like and Irish whipped into the exposed steel turnbuckle. Rees groans in pain and falls to his knees holding his back. KKP runs into the corner, full steam, and HUGE KNEE SMASH TO THE PROTECTED FACE OF REES! Rees falls down and KKP pulls him into the center of ring. The Cover... ONE, TWO, KICK OUT! The crowd pops big time as Krusty does not conquer Rees. Rees' orbital bone has to feel these shots, even with a mask. KKP begins adding on to those earlier shots with some well placed cross face shots across the protected face of Rees. Rees is struggling to get KKP off of him, but to no avail. Now elbow smashes are raining down. KKP is hell bent for leather and gold tonight!
JACK JONES: You gotta love the nastiness of Krusty tonight. He is mean and vicious, just like a world champ should be.
Krusty Kid Paul picks up the World Champ and sends him toward the exposed steel again. REVERSAL! Rees slumps to one knee, and KKP is holding his back now after bouncing off the naked turn buckle. KKP tries to recover as Rees tries to do the same thing. Rees sees KKP coming his way and Lloyd hits a drop toe hold. Rees is up and KKP is laying stomach first. Rees wastes little time and FRESH WATER FLIP! The back was the target and it got smashed. KKP is turned over. ONE, TWO, NO DICE! Kick out by Krusty Kid Paul. Rees doesn't let Paul up. He positions the challenger just right and BIG TIME MONKEY FLIP INTO THE EXPOSED CORNER. KKP hits it head first and is dazed. Rees with a Spring Board Bulldog. Another cover by Rees. ONE, TWO, KICK OUT! The match continues as the crowd gets behind the Champion. Rees grabs up KKP who elbows his way free. Rees doubles over and KKP tries for a knee smash, but Rees catches him in a High Cradle position. HIGH CRADLE SUPLEX. KKP and Rees are both down.
BILL HEWSON: This match is going back and forth. That move took both champ and challenger down.
JACK JONES: This is a war tonight, a styles clash for sure.
Rees knocked the wind out of himself when he hit the mat. KKP is actually getting up first. Rees follows him, still gasping for air. Rees shoots on KKP who sprawls into the ropes. Rees lets him go, and KKP kicks him in the teeth with a dynamite drop kick. Rees is down. KKP goes for a quick cover, wait, it's just a mount. He begins wailing on the champion and Rees covers up. Rees catches KKP with his legs and grabs one of Paul's arms. Paul is in the midst of a Triangle Choke, but Rees doesn't have it fully on. KKP uses every bit of power he has and lifts Rees up and MODIFIED POWERBOMB! Rees breaks the hold quickly. KKP goes for the cover. ONE, TWO, TWO AND THREE FOURTHS, THAT'S IT. Rees barely got his shoulder up. KKP looks frustrated, but doesn't hesitate trying to get Rees up. Rees breaks free when he reaches his feet and applies a CROSS-ARMBREAKER! LDK has it applied, but way to close to the ropes. Rees yells in frustration. He can't believe he can't keep KKP down.
BILL HEWSON: That has to effect the mentality of the Champ. He is a submission artist and these moves aren't working well right now.
JACK JONES: Him a submission artist? You should see me apply the Edmonton Elbow Lock of Doom... DEVASTATING!
Rees gets KKP up and KKP throws him into the corner. He lays in some heavy boots to the gut and Rees is holding his ribs. KKP grabs Rees and slams into the corner, tying him to the Tree of Woe. Rees knows exactly what will come, but can't do a damn thing to stop it. KKP goes to the outside and applies CRACK ROCK STEADY! Sharplin is yelling at KKP to release the hold instead of making a count. He has been letting these two battle all match, as it is the main event. KKP finally releases the hold. Sharplin untangles the legs of Rees, who lands on the mat. KKP reaches in the ring and drags the Champ out. Sharplin is trying to reason with both men to get in the ring. Rees tries to battle out of the suplex position that Paul has him in. He blocks it, and attempts a suplex of his own. KKP blocks that and goes behind Rees... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX, NO BRIDGE, ALL IMPACT. Rees folds up like a hideaway bed. KKP enters the ring, breaking a count by Sharplin. He quickly exits of course. Rees is picked up and isn't in a good way right now. FRONT SUPLEX OVER THE GUARDRAIL. KKP rips off the mask of Rees. Sharplin is urging him to get the match in the ring. KKP will, but not before he BOOTS THE HEAD OF REES THAT'S HANGING OFF THE RAILING... WAIT...REES MOVES! KKP crotches it with his momentum. KKP seems to be in a lot of pain, and rightly so. Rees gets over the railing, holding his ribs still. KKP limps toward the ring, holding his "boys"
BILL HEWSON: Rees took more overall shots in that exchange outside, but to be honest, being hit down there will effect KKP more short term. Rees needs to capitalize with it.
JACK JONES: Yeah a man sometimes forgets all rationale when his boys are black and blue.
Rees has to be wary of his face now, that eye is a target. KKP needs to be wary of getting wrapped up in an inescapable holds. Rees attacks KKP as he rolls into the ring. Knee to the back of the Krusty one's head. KKP's lower back is the next target as Rees lays in some knees. KKP winces and yells, curses and groans.. all in pain. Rees takes the legs and laces them. He grabs the jaw of KKP and flips him back first over his knee.. it's a full blown Bow and Arrow, and the back of KKP is gonna be in lots of pain, and maybe permanently aching. Rees holds on to as KKP refuses to give up. The crowd is loud as hell, trying to get Rees to snap the back of the much hated KKP. Rees finally, tires and releases the hold. KKP holds his back as he writhes in pain and agony on the mat. Rees is up and smiles a bit. He locks the legs, he flips him, and boom... LANCE COVE LEG LOCK! KKP is extreme pain. He is about fourteen inches away from the ropes. KKP is scratching, clawing, and still can't reach. Rees sits back as far as he can. He smiles, he knows it's over. And it happens...
JACK JONES: I can't look... I had money on KKP.
BILL HEWSON: I can't believe it... He survives it!
KKP REACHES THE ROPES! The crowd boos, and Rees can't believe it. He thought he had him, he thought it was over. Rees gets down and laces the legs, grabs up the head of KKP. He is doing a move known in the main stream as the "Regal Stretch." KKP is so close to tapping, it's not even funny. But Rees lets go, frustrated that KKP refuses to quit. Rees is up, the crowd is chanting.. LDK, LDK.
Rees grabs up KKP... pile driver position.. POWERBOMB.. NO, IT'S THE "NISH" J. DROP! It's OVER!
ONE!
TWO!
SHOULDER UP, SHOULDER UP! The eyes on Rees tell the whole story. DISBELIEF. Rees gets up and double checks with John Sharplin.
JACK JONES: That man just took a move that would finish off ninety percent of the roster.
BILL HEWSON: Some new found respect for Kid Paul tonight, that man has more guts and intestinal fortitude than I ever imagined. He kicked out of the Nish J. Drop! Insane.
KKP is barely moving. Rees goes back over to KKP and receives a well placed elbow to those injured ribs. Rees backs up, winces and tries to breathe. He goes back toward KKP and SPINE ON THE PINE.. A HUGE SPINE BUSTER. Both men are down. KKP is on top of Rees, and KKP wails on the eye of Rees. Rees, covers up, but some shots get in. KKP stands up and grabs up Rees. Rees blocks it. Rees with a takedown and tries lacing up the legs again. KKP upkicks with those hard ass boots, and smashes it into the hurt eye area of Rees. Rees goes down like he has been shot. KKP gets up, huffing and puffing, probably wanting a cigarette. He looks so evil as he stares at the lifeless Lloyd Rees. He picks up Rees, slamming him again upside down, tying him to the Tree of Woe. He shoulder blocks those hurt ribs. The crowd is chanting KKP SUCKS. Big boots, those infamously heavy kicks land in the mid section of Rees. Then to the face of Rees, with a stream of blood now running down the forehead of Rees. KKP let's Rees go. KKP picks up Rees, who can barely breathe. KKP goes for a bodyslam --- Rees slips off the back!
DDT FROM THE GREEN
... NO, KKP GOT OUT AND HITS A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX. No bridge. Sharplin overlooks the two men, who are struggling to survive this back and forth contest. Rees might have broken ribs. KKP might have a lower back problems for the rest of his life. Rees might get blinded by a broken face. It's all happening RIGHT NOW. KKP gets to his feet, noticeably hurting. Rees is up, in the same boat. KKP and Rees exchange punches again. KKP gets LDK, throws him into the still exposed turn buckle. KKP follows with a Stinger Splash. Rees is staggering. KKP follows it with a huge boot to the face. Those kicks are just DEVASTATING. KKP goes for the pin. ONE... TWO... FOOT ON THE ROPE.
BILL HEWSON: His face might never be the same.
JACK JONES: Well, he wasn't as good looking as me anyhow.
KKP looks so damn pissed. He goes to the outside. He grabs a steel chair and tries to sneak it in the ring, as Rees is checked on by Sharplin. He slides it in the ring. He follows it in. He gets Rees up. Sharplin sees it and moves it. KKP drops Rees, and yells at Sharplin. He turns around.. WABANA BUSTER... Rees is hurting. He takes him a few extra seconds. He covers KKP...
No count is being made. Rees looks around. Sharplin is standing. Sharplin is looking at Rees. Rees wants to know what's going on.
JACK JONES: Finally some justice around here.
KKP has his feet clearly under the ropes. Rees can't believe it. He says "F*CK" real loud. Rees gets over it, and goes over to KKP. He grabs up KKP. Wabana Buster again? Blocked. Suplex from KKP? Blocked. Rees grabs the leg of KKP... SMALL PACKAGE FROM THE CHAMP!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
And it's over. Just like that.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner and STILL NAPW WORLD CHAMPION, LLOYD REES!
BILL HEWSON: Krusty Kid Paul made one mistake in this match. He should have never brought that chair in the ring. It was the key move that ended KKP's night in a negative, heart breaking way.
JACK JONES: A thousand clams gone. Damn that Rees. Someone's gonna beat him... THEY HAVE TOO!
BILL HEWSON: I honestly feel Krusty Kid Paul is the man to do it. It wasn't meant to be tonight though. Regardless of the result both men showed Tacoma they deserved to be headlining shows, and I hope this isn't the last time we see these men fight. For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying it certainly has been a "Tacoma Tussle," and GOOD NIGHT!
KKP is out on the floor, looking up as he backs up the aisle. Lloyd Rees holds the title up high, but looks down at Paul. KKP has a look on his face that says... "this *BLEEP* close, Rees, you *BLEEP**BLEEP*!" Rees breathes heavily, keeping the eyes locked.
One hell of a match! One hell of a night! One hell... of a TUSSLE!
CREDITS:
Rav/Dez vs MyEx - Ben
KBOND/KRENSHOV - Ryan
Show/Miller - Diego
Joey/Rodriguez - Kent
Phoenix/Falcon - Allan
Phoenix promo - Sweetser
C&C/Grade A - Aaron!
C&C promo - Aaron & Brion
Four-Corners match - Ryan
LDK/KKP - Bo