On October 31st, a new wrestling promotion held it's first show in Edmonton. Nobody expected the fledging New Alberta Pro Wrestling to last long. But it has endured. Through controversy, uncertainty and deranged owners, it has endured, to now, when it is considered one of the finest purveyors of professional wrestling in Canada, with a reputation growing across North America. For competition, for tradition, for tremendous WRESTLING MATCHES, you go to NAPW.
Tonight, after riots in Churchill Square, the Crimes Crimes Crimes, so many memories of wrestlers past and present such as Static, D!, Lloyd Rees, Jake Phoenix, Chris Casino, Evan Cartwright, Ravager, Lobo, and so many more... The Polish Hall is once again full with devoted, rowdy, loud fans.
Frank!
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and gentlemen... Edmonton, Alberta! For the 150th Show... WELCOME TO NEW! ALBERTA! PRO!
The crowd pops huge! Signs are everywhere, "D!={middle finger}", "TAP OUT OR PASS OUT REES RULES!", "WGA PLEDGE!", "CABS 4 LIFE" (really?). And strangely, off to the entrance way, it's none other than TOMMY DEATHROW wearing a "kiss the cook" apron, holding a Superstar Bar-B-Q for the fans, serving up wienies, smokies and foot and a half long SUPERSTAR DOGS with special sauce!
BILL HEWSON: There is only ONE Tommy Deathrow, making the 150th Show extra-special, and fans, it IS the 150th Show for NAPW! What a series of shows it has been, and tonight we have some of the biggest in our history! In our double main-event, the World Title is on the line as the Heritage Champion JAKE PHOENIX challenges champion "LDK" LLOYD REES for the NAPW World Title! For the first time ever, one night only, "The Nexus One" Rex Caliber meets the hated D! And that's not all! I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones and boy, this place is hot tonight!
JACK JONES: Middle of June, packed hall, Deathrow throwing a Bar-B-Q, which I'm sure breaks some fire safety laws, but 150 shows? Hell of a run! I've been in promotions that didn't make it through ONE show!
BILL HEWSON: That's because you skipped out halfway through to avoid paying the wrestlers!
JACK JONES: No! Yes! No!
BILL HEWSON: These fans have been waiting all day, lined up outside the doors in the summer heat, and it's time for some ACTION... let's head to the ring!
The crowd cheers as the PA comes alive with music... but when they realize it's Aerosmith's "KINGS & QUEENS", the boos erupt, almost drowing it out..
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring first, the challengers. Escorted by Barb and Alan the Janitor, they are Jeremy Daines, Enrique Rodriguez, TONY, his mother, and returning to the NAPW as their surprise partner, the former founder of Censorship Against Bad Stuff... STEVEN WYLDE!
JACK JONES: YES!
FRANK WARBURTON: They are the NEW AND IMPROVED CENSORSHIP AGAINST BAD STUFF!
All seven of them! They come to the ring in a pack, ignoring the jeers of the crowd. TONY's mom looks, if possible, even more caked in makeup than usual, her virulent purple lipstick sparkling with glitter tonight. As they hit the ring "Kings & Queens" fades out to be replaced by...
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Coming to the ring now, the Workers Guild of ALLLLBERTA! "BAD BOY" Joey Malone! BIG MITCH! The newest member... MODO WHOA! And your NAPW Tag Team Champions... STEIN AND CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
BILL HEWSON: Stein is lagging a little behind the rest of the WGA-
JACK JONES: He moves like my arthritic grandmother did after her "accidental" tumble down the stairs.
BILL HEWSON: It looks like he's exchanging some words with Tommy Deathrow - these two have had some serious battles in the past, could we see an explosion before the match actually begins?
Stein has stopped at the top of the entrance ramp as Tommy Deathrow calls out to him. The two begin speaking, but it doesn't appear to be a heated exchange until Deathrow grabs one of the foot-and-a-half Superstar Dogs from his grille and begins making... suggestive motions with it. Stein watches, head slightly tilted to one side as Deathrow puts a leg up on the security rail and pumps his hips rapidly while gesticulating broadly with his free hand.
BILL HEWSON: Uh...
JACK JONES: Well...
Joey Malone finally notices that they are down a member and turns around to see Deathrow handing a Superstar Dog to Stein and motioning for him to give it a try. Malone rushes back and grabs Stein by the shoulders, steering him away from the Superstar and back down the aisle. Stein looks contemplative as he absentmindedly hands the Superstar Dog off to Big Mitch, who plays his own game of Disappear the Dog.
JACK JONES: Even I'm disturbed by what we just saw.
BILL HEWSON: Let's get to the action and forget about whatever just happened!
JACK JONES: Tommy Deathrow was-
BILL HEWSON: WHATEVER just happened! Both teams are in the ring now, so let's focus on the match!
There is some conference on the WGA side of the ring, but it looks like Big Mitch is going to start things off here tonight, and the Nation of Innovation is caving to the demands of TONY that he be allowed into the ring first. TONY's mom lays a big purple smackeroo on TONY's forehead for good luck, and Stein looks on enviously from across the ring. Anthony Uruburu calls for the bell and this ten individual tag contest is officially underway. TONY and Mitch meet in the middle of the ring and TONY immediately goes for the collar-and-elbow tie-up, which Big Mitch obliges. TONY struggles mightily against the titanic bulk of Big Mitch, but cannot budge him so much as an inch. Beads of sweat pop out on his forehead and a vein in his neck pulses wildly as he scrapes his feet against the mat trying to push the huge mound of tubby fat fat back, but to no avail. TONY begins to slowly lean back, and it becomes obvious that Mitch is letting his considerable weight fall forward. TONY's eyes go wide just before they are completely eclipsed by the toppling Mitch. The ring shakes as Mitch lands the slowest splash ever on top of TONY, and Uruburu drops to the mat! He gets a two count off before TONY somehow manages to wriggle out from beneath the heaving mountain of goo, gasping for air. TONY gets to his feet as Mitch struggles to regain his vertical base. TONY hits the ropes and Jeremy Daines leans over to slap him on the back of the head.
BILL HEWSON: A... uhh... forceful tag from Jeremy Daines to get himself into the ring.
JACK JONES: He's just pumped for the match, Hewson!
Big Mitch has just gotten back to his feet when he is rocked by a clothesline from Daines. Daines hits the ropes again and slams into Mitch with a shoulder block that has the big fat man reeling but not going down. Daines begins to look frustrated as he hits the ropes a second time and this time actually leaves the mat with a flying clothesline that has Big Mitch stumbling back several steps, arms pinwheeling-
JACK JONES: Weebles wobble.
But they don't fall down! Mitch remains upright and as Daines runs at him once, more he manages a slight lunge forward that still has enough bulk behind it to put Daines flat on his ass. Daines back up in a heartbeat, jiggling Mitch's jowls with a huge European uppercut. Daines moves to his corner and tags in his Nation partner, Enrique Rodriguez. The two men turn and barrel together across the ring to nail Big Mitch with a double clothesline that finally puts the big man down on his back. Daines leaves the ring as Rodriguez hits the ropes and flies back to land on Mitch with a beautiful somersault plancha. Quick pin attempt by Rodriguez but he only gets two. Mitch struggles to get back to his feet, face beet-red and breath coming hard. Enrique circles him with a cruel grin, pumping out quick strikes with his forearms, elbows and feet that keep Mitch on his knees. Rodriguez goes to the ropes and comes back to smash both feet into Mitch's face with a front dropkick. The impact actually drives Mitch backwards on his heels, briefly allowing him to regain his feet as he stumbles back into his corner before falling on his ass. Chris Kamikaze leans over the top rope and tags himself in on Mitch's right moob.
BILL HEWSON: Interesting match-up here, Jack Attack! You could say that Enrique Rodriguez possesses all of the high-flying skills that Chris Kamikaze wishes he had.
JACK JONES: And all of the charisma, good looks, intelligence, talent, friends, sex life... I could go on.
BILL HEWSON: Please don't.
Enrique waits for Kamikaze in the center of the ring with his hands up, calling for the test of strength right off the bat, his lips curled in a sardonic smile. Chris Kamikaze steps up and seizes both hands, immediately putting the pressure on and trying to force Enrique down to the mat. For a moment it seems like they're evenly matched, but then Rodriguez begins to get the advantage. Kamikaze's eyes widen as his wrists are bent back and Enrique leans over him, pushing him down to the mat. He shakes his head as the WGA rile the fans from the apron, getting feet a-stompin and hands a-clappin. Kamikaze shifts the balance, fighting his way back and then bending Rodriguez's wrists backwards - and Enrique immediately boots Kamikaze in the stomach to break the test. Arm wringer from Enrique Rodriguez, but Kamikaze responds by somersaulting forward and twisting Rodriguez's arm behind his back in a keylock. Rodriguez snaps an elbow back and staggers Kamikaze but Chris ducks the second one and Rodriguez spins around with the whiff. Blocked belly-to-belly attempt by Kamikaze followed by an ear-ringer from Rodriguez and then a huge DDT! Enrique drags Kamikaze over to the corner and tags in Steven Wylde.
BILL HEWSON: When was the last time we saw Steven Wylde in an NAPW ring, Jack Attack?
JACK JONES: Too long, Hewson! Or not long enough, if you're Chris Kamikaze! Steven Wylde is a former REBEL Pro tag team champion, a former NAPW champion, and one tough customer!
Wylde starts things off with a bang as he pulls Kamikaze up and then immediately sends him back down with a Censorkick! Wylde drags Kamikaze up again and hooks him up for the CENSORplex, but is interrupted by TONY leaning over the top rope with his hand extended, like the dorky kid in class who always knows the answer, begging for the tag in. Wylde locks eyes with Daines and Rodriguez, who both shake their heads quickly. Wylde shrugs and cinches in the T-bone tighter but the brief distraction gives Chris Kamikaze enough time to recover and he drives a knee up into Wylde's exposed side. Wylde doubles over and Kamikaze stumbles over to the corner, looking for the tag to his partner Stein...
JACK JONES: I think I'm going to be sick.
Who is staring across the ring with loving eyes at TONY's mom and doesn't even seem to see Kamikaze there. Chris hesitates and takes too long as Modo WHOA! leans over and slaps his outstretched hand. WHOA! steams across the ring and practically twists Wylde's head off with a running swinging neckbreaker before popping back to his feet and immediately going to the corner. Modo WHOA! leaps to the top turnbuckle, utterly ignoring the rest of the opposing team surrounding him. Daines is shouting encouragement at the fallen Wylde, and while he is distracted both TONY and Enrique reach up to shove Modo WHOA! from behind. WHOA! topples from the turnbuckle and lands face first on the mat with a resounding thud. Wylde gets slowly back to his feet and crouches down as WHOA! grabs the ropes and staggers upright. SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR from Steven Wylde splatters the guts of Modo WHOA! Wylde makes the cover but WHOA! kicks out after a long two. Wylde locks in a side headlock and drags WHOA! back to the corner. He reaches out to tag Jeremy Daines, but TONY leans over and slaps his hand instead, getting himself back into the match. TONY drops a forearm shot into WHOA!'s lower back then takes over the headlock, wrenching it theatrically with a wide grin. Modo WHOA! searches for a grip for a few seconds, apparently not in much discomfort, then lifts TONY up and drops him on his head with a back suplex.
JACK JONES: Somebody needs to take TONY out back and shoot him.
Modo WHOA! is down as well, slowly moving his legs as he tries to bring himself back into this thing. TONY gets up to his hands and knees and begins to crawl towards his corner, where the Nation and Wylde are exhorting him loudly. His mother is staring across the ring and licking her purple lips. TONY makes the tag to Enrique Rodriguez, who springs into the ring and dives for the downed Modo WHOA! Before he can grab him, WHOA! suddenly kicks up from the mat and springs almost the full length of the ring to make the HOT TAG to... STEIN! The contact against his chest seems to bring Stein around and he looks down at WHOA! before looking back across the ring. Rodriguez charges as Stein steps between the ropes and is nearly decapitated by a throat chop! Stein's monotonous voice booms out as if he was speaking into a mic as he looks across the ring at TONY's mom!
STEIN: The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
TONY spins around and runs at Stein next, only to be hefted into the air in a gorilla press.
STEIN: TONY's mom, TONY's mom!
Daines comes back into the ring but is taken out when Stein hurls TONY at him like a missile, still having eyes only for TONY's mom.
STEIN: All the beautiful sounds of the world into two words:
Rodriguez gets back to his feet and jumps on Stein's back as he makes his jerky way across the ring, locking in the sleeper. Stein reaches up without breaking eye contact with TONY's mom, breaking the hold easily and hurling Enrique off of his back with a frightening lack of effort. Rodriguez fetches up against the corner within range of Daines and TONY's mom.
STEIN: TONY's mom, TONY's mom, TONY's mom!
Stein falls silent with his arms outstretched. Wylde reaches down to tag himself in, but stops as a meaty hand clutches his wrist. He looks up angrily, but whatever hunger he sees in the fleshy folds that practically cover TONY's mom's eyes makes him back down. TONY's mom reaches down and gently tags herself in, squeezing between the ropes and making her way slowly across the ring to Stein.
JACK JONES: No. Please, I... I don't want to see this.
BILL HEWSON: Look away, Jack. Nobody will think less of you.
The two meet in the center of the ring as the crowd watches in silence. TONY's mom cups Stein's chin and tilts his face up slowly before...
Well...
Suffice to say that this may be the only opportunity to hear a building filled with people gag simultaneously at the same time. Locked in a steamy embrace that has more tongue than a giraffe convention, TONY's mom and Stein tumble back to the mat, TONY's mom naturally on top. Everyone still standing on the apron looks more than a little ill, and totally unsure of what to do next. TONY's mom suddenly gestures with one arm to Uruburu, who is looking through laced fingers. It is clear then that Stein's shoulders are both on the mat, and perhaps just in the hopes that it will stop this terrible display, Uruburu drops to the mat and counts. One! Two! Stein rolls over in the throes of passion, his surprising strength managing to shift the weight on top of him. TONY's mom insistently rolls back. One! TWO! THR- Stein again rolls to the side, and this time TONY's mom pushes him angrily away.
BILL HEWSON: It was all a ploy!
JACK JONES: ... kill me.
Stein gets to his feet, his expression confused. TONY's mom gets up more slowly, shoving his offered helping hand away. Stein reaches for her again and TONY's mom kicks him square in the junk! Every man in the arena groans - except for Stein. He glances around at the pained male faces and something seems to click on in his mind. "Sweet Christmas!" he cries and doubles over with a moan. TONY's mom straightens her purple sweatsuit and walks over to the corner to tag in Wylde. Wylde grabs the still stunned Stein and nails him with the CENSORplex!
BILL HEWSON: That purple harlot!
JACK JONES: ... I can't stop seeing it. Kill me, please.
Wylde makes the cover on Stein! Big Mitch hits the ring to make the save, and before Daines can stop her, TONY's mom is climbing back between the ropes to stop him. The two behemoths begin their slow charge across the ring as Uruburu makes the count. ONE! The ring shakes as Big Mitch and TONY's mom take their first ponderous steps. TWO! There absolutely no way they are going to make it to the pin in the center of the ring before the three count. THRE- Stein's arms piston up and Wylde flies off of him into the air. Uruburu has to jump to his feet to avoid being landed on and that brings him right into the path of the two human elephants.
SPLLLLLAAAAAT!
Uruburu completely disappears between Big Mitch and TONY's mom as they collide in a jigglesplosion. The ripples just do not stop and ropes of sweat spray up from between their stomachs. The two separate slowly, stumbling backwards, and a wide-eyed Anthony Uruburu falls slowly forward, nearly catatonic. Modo WHOA!, already nearly bursting to get back into the ring, is the first to take advantage as he leaps over the top and sprints across the ring to drive a forearm into a shocked and disgusted Jeremy Daines' face, sending him flying back off the apron to crash to the unforgiving floor. WHOA! is answered in turn by Rodriguez who slingshots himself over the top to knock Modo down with a cross-body press. The rest of the WGA storms the ring to meet with the New & Improved CABS in the center of the squared circle. Fists fly! Privates are kicked! Knees are bitten!
JACK JONES: This is total CHAOS in COWTOWN!
BILL HEWSON: That was the last show, Jack.
JACK JONES: Really? I've got to lay off the Ugandan vodka.
TONY sends Joey Malone into the ropes, but Malone hooks his arms over the top to prevent himself from rebounding. TONY charges in and the Bad Boy ducks just before impact to send TONY flying to the outside. Malone stands back up with a grin which is immediately wipe from his face as a Censorkick catches him on the chin and send him over the top to land beside TONY. Big Mitch adds to the pile by running, tits swaying, up behind Wylde and hitting him in the back of the neck with a clothesline, his own momentum carrying both men to the outside. Modo WHOA! sees the twisted up group of bodies and just can't resist, flying towards the side of the ring and leaping over the top with a suicide plancha that takes everyone right back to the ground! Rodriguez slides out of the ring to check on Daines as Chris Kamikaze helps Stein back up to his feet. Rodriguez slips back into the ring, but it isn't with Daines, it's with his new partner. Let's call him Chairy.
WHANG!
Chris Kamikaze goes down like a brick made of bricks and rolls sluggishly out of the ring. Stein turns around and-
WHANG!
The chairshot staggers him but he turns to look right back at Enrique. Rodriguez snarls and rears back, driving the chair across the pale man's head again with a reverberating clang. Stein staggers but again refuses to go down, shifting eyes boring holes through Rodriguez. His right hand twitches and begins to curl into a claw, but Rodriguez doesn't seem to notice as he raises the chair high over his head and brings it down as hard as he can on top of Stein's head. Wearing the twisted steel like a necklace, Stein staggers a step to the left, a step to the right, then finally drops to his knees and falls over on his side.
BILL HEWSON: Enrique Rodriguez claims to want to clean up the NAPW, but as soon as his partner isn't looking, these are the methods he resorts to!
JACK JONES: They already explained that! He's just giving examples of WHY chairshots are bad, Hewson! I think Stein would agree with their point of view now.
BILL HEWSON: You know damn good and well that Stein - wait, what's this?
The bodies outside of the ring are beginning to move sluggishly when a shadow falls over them. The ringpost creaks alarmingly under the weight of TONY's mom, who has managed to haul her wide ass up to the top while Enrique rang Stein's bell. Modo WHOA! is the first to look up and he waves his hands and makes a sign to ward against evil - to no avail as TONY's mom seems to just allow herself to fall forward, plummeting down and crashing on top of almost everyone. As if through some supernatural mother-son connection, TONY manages to get out of the way at the very last second.
JACK JONES: They're dead! THEY'RE ALL DEAD!
Just in time to miss the best of the action, Anthony Uruburu begins to stir and drapes an arm over the middle rope to pull himself upright. On the uncrushed side of the ring, Daines is back on his feet and heading towards the apron. Rodriguez quickly unwraps the chair from Stein's head and throws it over the top, adding minor injury to the terrible major injuries already over in that direction. He helps Daines back into the ring and points to Stein, allowing his straight-laced partner to finish the job as Uruburu shakes his head and looks around at the carnage. Daines takes advantage quickly, moving over to the fallen Stein and dropping on top of him for the pinfall. Uruburu drops for the slow count, still shaking out the cobwebs.
One!
TWO!
THR- NO! Stein gets a shoulder off the mat! Daines, unaware of the chair beating his opponent has taken, just looks mildly pissed but on the apron Rodriguez is practically losing his mind.
Daines pulls the stunned Stein up and hits him with a big right that staggers the pale phenom, then sends him hurtling into his own corner empty corner with a hard Irish whip. Daines runs to his own corner and then charges out, but not before TONY slaps him on the back with an unwanted and unnoticed blind tag! Daines smashes into Stein with a huge clothesline that squashes the smaller man against the corner. Daines spins around and pumps his fists in a rare show of excitement, as a result not seeing Joey Malone pull himself back to the apron and slap a staggering Stein on the back for a second blind tag! Stein reels out of the corner and meets a boot to the stomach from Daines, who motions to Rodriguez. Enrique runs to the opposite corner and mounts the turnbuckle as Daines heaves Stein up for a powerbomb. Joey Malone, still moving slowly, rolls into the ring! TONY ascends to the top rope across from Rodriguez! Malone to his feet and moving towards Daines readies Stein and begins to run. Joey Malone can't reach Jeremy Daines in time as Enrique Rodriguez comes from the top and the Nation DECIMATES Stein with the INNOVATOR! TONY comes off the top rope with the double axe-handle at Malone, but the Bad Boy turns around at the last second and stops him dead with a raised boot to the midsection. BAD BLASTER on TONY! An exhausted Malone collapses on top of TONY as Rodriguez rolls out of the ring and Daines makes the cover on Stein. Uruburu drops between the two pairs to make the count.
ONE!
JACK JONES: Who is he counting out?!
TWO!
BILL HEWSON: I have no idea!
THREE!
Jeremy Daines comes to his feet in a flash and raises his hands in the air as the bell sounds, just waiting for Uruburu to touch his wrist and hand the Nation the tag straps! Joey Malone is still flopped out nearly unconscious on top of TONY... but he stirs as Anthony Uruburu walks over and grabs his wrist, raising it in the air!
FRANK WARBURTON: And the winners of this match by PINFALL and STILL NAPW Tag Team CHAAAAAMPIONS-
Daines can't believe it! Rodriguez is back in the ring and screaming at Uruburu as the Nation point to the tag straps and then to themselves. Uruburu is making tag motions and pointing to both Malone and TONY, saying they were the legal men.
FRANK WARBURTON: -THE WORKERS GUILD OF ALBERTA!
Daines looks infuriated but is ready to leave the ring, but Rodriguez isn't having any of that. He slides out of the ring and flips up the apron. Daines is shouting something down at him, but to no effect. Enrique Rodriguez slides a table into the ring and follows it in. Daines is still trying to get control of his partner, but Enrique shoves him away with fire in his eyes. Malone is staggering to his feet and Enrique blasts him with a straight right hand. Another one has Joey Malone sagging into the ropes and Rodriguez rolls him over onto the table. Daines goes to pull Malone off, still shouting at Enrique, but gets shoved away for his trouble. Modo WHOA! finally back up after the calamity on the outside, grabs Daines without realizing what is going on. Rodriguez goes to the top...
BILL HEWSON: Don't do this! Just let it go, for once!
JACK JONES: Let it go? They were robbed!
450 SPLASH puts Joey Malone right through the table! Daines finally pushes WHOA! away and rushes over to Enrique, screaming incoherently now, his face bright red and cords standing out in his neck. Rodriguez slowly gets back to his feet and stares as spittle flies from Jeremy Daines' mouth. Daines jabs a finger into Rodriguez's chest... once... twice... three times and that is enough! Enrique rears back and decks Daines with a stiff right hand, then storms out of the ring. The slowly recovering WGA gather around their fallen leader and Stein and slowly help them back to their feet, taking them and the NAPW Tag Team Title belts to the back.
JACK JONES: And that's why the NHL passed on the greatest player they never had.
BILL HEWSON: Jack, I don't think being able to break hockey sticks with your forehead makes you a #1 draft pick. Or #12. Or #128...
"EMPTINESS IS LONELINESS
AND LONELINESS IS CLEANLINESS
CLEANLINESS IS GODLINESS
AND GOD IS EMPTY ---
JUST LIKE ME!"
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins blasts out, bringing the crowd to their feet. "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan steps out from the curtain and heads toward the ring. Ryan looks straight ahead and slips quickly under the bottom rope and into the ring. Ryan motions for a microphone and in short order, gets one.
JACK JONES: Well, Dan Ryan isn't scheduled to be out here tonight - but I guess we're gonna hear from him regardless.
DAN RYAN: Donovan Astros... I know you're around here listening somewhere. Bottom line is...and I know that no one expected me to come out here like this tonight, but bottom line is...I want you to show your little midget ass one more time out here so I can slap you back into hiatus.
Ryan paces the ring, with no response.
DAN RYAN: Come on, Astros. You're in the crowd, in the back, you're somewhere. No more of this hit and run bulls(BLEEP), Donovan. Get out here. Get out here and catch your receipt right here...right NOW.
Crowd pop at the prospect, but once again no response.
BILL HEWSON: Uh oh...that's not Donovan Astros...
Suddenly, "Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast" by Airbourne starts up and the crowd goes nuts. Ryan stops in his tracks and his eyes furrow into a frown as he stares at the entrance.
JACK JONES: It's Trent Daniels!! Dan Ryan's opponent later on here tonight is on his way to the ring, and the former World Champion is not pleased!
Trent Daniels emerges from the back and takes a direct walk to the ring, up the steps and through the ropes. He steps right up to Dan Ryan, tilts his head up and looks the big man eye to eye.
TRENT DANIELS: All week you've been telling me to step up, give you something and here you are letting your mind wander when tonight you have a match against me. The last two times you stepped into that ring with me you barely walked out with a win, and that's when I was your focus.
Now you're too busy thinking about Donovan Astros, too busy thinking about your {pokes dan right in the chest} hard-on for revenge. Yeah he busted you in the knee, and now you're looking to give him his receipt, freeze in his track like that damn receipt was from Wal-Mart.
You talk high and mighty from that big mouth of yours ten miles in the air...yeah I'm getting a crink in my neck just looking at you, you {pokes dan again} talk about me giving myself a mental out if you beat me for a third time. Well I don't want you to have any excuse for tonight, I don't want you to come out here and talk about how Donovan Astros distracted you. I want you {poke} to focus on me, and only me. Cause tonight I want the Dan Ryan that stepped into this ring {points down to the canvas} and kicked my ass from that corner {points} to that corner {points} to that corner {points} and that one. I want that bastard who squeezed my neck like an accordion the night he won the 2008 Canada Cup.
Trent looks to one side of the arena, and then the other before staring back up at Dan and poking him one last time, digging his index finger deep into Dan Ryan's heart.
TRENT DANIELS: So what's it going to be Dan... am I going to get what I want... {dramatic pause as Trent waits for Dan's answer.}
JACK JONES: Trent Daniels throwing down the gauntlet!
BILL HEWSON: I'm not so sure this is such a good idea. Dan Ryan towers over this kid! He's got moxie though, I'll give him that!
Ryan smiles and turns, making a slow circle in thought, then comes back to the same position - about two inches from Trent Daniels...and raises his microphone.
DAN RYAN: You want my focus, Trent? Tell you what... YOU GOT IT.
In a flash, Ryan boots Daniels in the gut and lifts him up across his shoulders. With a sickening thud, Ryan drives him down with a vicious Burning Hammer. Daniels twitches on the mat, clutching at his neck as Ryan stands over Daniels and just glares down at him.
JACK JONES: Oh my God! Ryan just absolutely folded up Trent Daniels like an accordion! Look at the impact on his neck!
BILL HEWSON: That was sick, Jack! What does this mean for the match later on tonight?!
JACK JONES: It means Trent Daniels got what he asked for, Bill! He got Dan Ryan's focus and then some!
Guess who's back?...
They say I'm Cocky!...
It ain't Bragging Mother F*cker if you back it up!
The Kid Rock song plays as the crowd hits their feet. An ovation can be heard miles away. Stepping forth with his black sleevless hoodie, his black leather pants with the patented phoenix on it. He struts to the ring and the crowd is cheering as loud as they can. Tommy Deathrow is cooking away and completely ignores him.
The Show has... blond hair? A shit eating grin? AND Hank Henderson following him to the ring? As the hoodie comes off and the crowd realizes that Dan Miller has fooled them all, the crowd erupts with boos. He has pissed off the sold out crowd and very likely removed himself from many a Christmas Card list!
JACK JONES: I like the new look of Chad. He has improved tremendously.
BILL HEWSON: That right? Take a look again.
JACK JONES: WHOA, Hank Henderson has joined Chad Kurtis? Dan Miller must be furious! Think Chad will join us for commentary?
Bill shakes his head as Frank Warburton has his mike stolen. Dan Miller peels off the Chad garb, unveiling his "The Real Show" pants. That phrase is printed on the back of them.
DAN MILLER: Just because I don't have any poster boards doesn't mean I didn't bring a sign.
Dan flips off the crowd, some of whom has chosen to pelt him with soda and popcorn.
HANK HENDERSON: SECURITY! Arrest those unruly fans. Get'em out of our f*cking building. For the ones who played nice, welcome to the house that SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION BUILT!
DAN MILLER: Tonight instead of seeing a boring, uncharismatic, no talent chump wrestle me, you'll see his pathetic, punk brother get his ass kicked instead.
HANK HENDERSON: If Matt Kurtis' fat ass was here tonight, instead of laid up in a hospital, I'd be making sure he didn't stick his fat ass in our business. But as things seem, the Kurtis' are a dying breed. And despite what the reports from North Carolina say, Chad Kurtis wasn't back in action. He walked with a cast on his foot, and proclaimed that he'll be back "some time".
DAN MILLER: I doubt very seriously we'll return here. Cause if his ass did show up, I'd bitch slap the taste out of his "No Show" ass! Bring on the only Kurtis boy with any balls... bring on JON-OF-BITCH KURTIS!
Through the crowd Jonothan Kurtis races to the ring. Dan Miller hears an ovation but doesn't see him. Kurtis on the apron. Dan Miller turns around and eats a Springboard Spinning Wheel kick.
JACK JONES: Morgan Smythe just called for the bell... this match is on?
BILL HEWSON: Damn right it is!
Henderson leaves the ring. Dan Miller is picked up by the two hundred one pound Jonothan Kurtis. Kurtis slings Dan Miller into the ropes, and nails him with a dropkick on the rebound. Dan hits hard. The crowd goes off as Jonothan is on fire. Dan is up and gets hip tossed, back up and clotheslined. Dan Miller rises on more time as the crowd anticipates a Super Kick to finish Miller off.
But.. the kick gets caught and Dan Miller sweeps the other leg. Kurtis hard to the mat. Kurtis gets up as quickly as he can and ENZIGURI! Dan caught Jono flush and Kurtis isn't moving. Dan Miller goes up top quickly. JACKSONVILLE JAM ON THE BACK OF JONO'S HEAD!
JACK JONES: It's over... one, two, Dan picked him up.
BILL HEWSON: He should have just finished the kid off.
Dan Miller gets Kurtis up and body slams him. ROLLING THUNDER SPLASH! No cover by Miller. The crowd is booing, as it's obvious that the kick from earlier seriously hurt Kurtis. Dan Miller picks up Jonothan again. Toe kick... THE DYNASTIC FINALE! FLIPPING PILE DRIVER! Dan Miller does a few push ups in the ring, and tells everyone to look at his physique. "MAKE BELIEVE MUSCLE" screams Dan Miller. Jonothan tries to fight off Miller as he gets picked up again. Dan gets smacked in the head with a fist, and promptly grabs Kurtis' head and pulls it down to meet Dan's knee. Kurtis' eye hits and splits instantaneously. The blood trickles enough for Miller to dab some on his finger. He writes SD on the stomache of Jono Kurtis.
BILL HEWSON: This is getting ugly.
JACK JONES: Not worse than your wife!
A loud smack can be heard as Jack Jones gets nailed with an open hand slap to the head. Jonothan Kurtis is dragged to the corner. Dan Miller slowly goes to the other corner on that side. He climbs the turnbuckle. He yells out, "THIS IS FOR CHAD" and crushes Jono's face with a devastating "Miller Time" coast to coast drop kick. The knocked out Kurtis boy is brought to the rings center and pinned: ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match, DYNASTY DAN MILLER!
Hank Henderson brings in a chair. Dan Miller smiles. He places the chair in the middle of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Someone needs to get out here, that kid is hurt damnit!
Dan picks up the lifeless Jonothan Kurtis. He yells out, WHERE YOU AT CHAD! COME SAVE YOUR BOY! Just as Dan is about to hit another Dynastic Finale, the crowd goes wild. Dan releases Jono, and looks around. He doesn't see anyone yet.
BILL HEWSON: WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK WHO JUST HIT THE RING --- !
SPEAR ON HANK HENDERSON! Hank rolls out. Dan is still looking. He backs up and runs into someone. He turns around slowly... TOE KICK, CK FINALE, THE SHOW IS BACK BABY! Dan gets spiked on the mat. Hank gets in the ring, and Chad lays into him with various kicks. Hank is backed into the corner. Chad nails a monkey flip on him sending him high into the air. Henderson gets nailed a few more times. Dan has rolled to the outside. Hank gets dumped to the outside.
CHAD KURTIS: YOU WANT ME MOTHER F*CKER! I'M RIGHT HERE, AND HERE TO STAY!
The crowd is going CRAZY. Southern Destruction look up at the fired up Chad and exit toward the curtain, Miller shocked to see The Show back in an NAPW ring! Chad checks on his hurt brother as the crowd explode to the playing of "Cocky", once again.
BILL HEWSON: "The Show" has returned... and there is going to be hell to pay for Southern Destruction, especially Dan Miller!
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
Elastica hits and out walk NAPW's most blinged out and shiny couple, to a chorus of boos!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is the MIXED TAG and is set for one fall! Introducing first, the team of STONE ZELLOR and LADY SPARKS!
Stone holds the ropes for Lady Sparks, and she elegantly steps in. Stone points to his lady, scowling as the crowd boos. Sparks doesn't look too happy, Stone throwing some trash talk to the front row. They meet up for a hug to jeers.
Then...
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE US ALIVE!
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
MUSE! CROWD ASPLODE!
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! The team of BRUCE "THE BEAST" RICHARDS and "WHITE CHOCOLATE" TIFFANY MACINTYRE!
The Beast and White Chocolate walk up the aisle, engaging with the fans. But The Beast clearly wants to be in the ring, pounding on Stone.
BILL HEWSON: This match has been building now. First it was just about Stone and The Beast, but each man's respective lady has gotten involved! It's great to see the women mixing it up more and more in NAPW rings, but this match could be very dangerous for them.
JACK JONES: If they didn't want to get hurt, they shouldn't get IN the ring. It's all legal inside!
BILL HEWSON: Nonetheless, each man has promised not to attack the women... unless provoked. We'll see how long Stone Zellor holds onto that promise!
Both teams are ready. Stone and The Beast are going to start...DING DING DING! Stone and Bruce grapple up, Bruce easily uses his strength to place Stone in a corner, away from Lady Sparks, Bruce begins to unleash a vicious series of chops to Stone's chest. SMACK! "WHOO!" SMACK! "WHOO!" SMACK "WHOO!"
BILL HEWSON: The Beast has been waiting for this, and he's not wasting time!
JACK JONES: Stone Zellor's chest is being tenderized like a filet mignon!
Bruce whips Stone across the ring to the other corner, he rushes right after him. Stone's able to evade Bruce's attack with an up and over into a school boy, he holds the tights but gets just a one count. Stone gets on to his feet before Bruce can and drop kicks him right in the chest, causing him to jump back to the bottom portion of the corner. Stone on his feet once more, rushes towards the down Bruce, takes hold of the ropes, does a handstand of some sort on the tope rope, then swings back down to dropkick Bruce in the face.
BILL HEWSON: Ouch.
Stone brings Bruce to his feet, Irish whip into the corner --- it gets reversed and it's now Stone in the corner, Bruce rushes at him, Stone jumps out of the way, out of the ring and lands on the apron! Bruce crashes and burns into the ring post. Stone gets back in the ring and tags in Lady Sparks. Bruce removes himself from the post, rubs his right shoulder, looks at Sparks, then looks over to Tiff -- the crowd is on their feet, going wild. Bruce tags her in. The crowd is goes wild.
JACK JONES: I've been waiting for this for a long time.
BILL HEWSON: Yeah, there isn't any love lost between these two women, there's sure to be some hellfire and brimstone -- if you know what I mean.
JACK JONES: No, stupid, it's two broads in the ring -- this is my sole purpose to call this match.
BILL HEWSON: O.K...
Lady Sparks and Tiff, center ring, exchange harsh words -- Tiff has enough and drops her to the mat and starts bashing her head against the mat. Lady Sparks rolls her over, and now, she's on top, banging her head into the canvas. Then Tiff rolls her over. Then Sparks rolls her over.
JACK JONES: Oh my god.
BILL HEWSON: Calm yourself down, now.
Lady Sparks places Tiff into a figure four leg lock, dead center the ring! Sparks begins to scoot closer to her corner, Tiff tries hard to turn over. Stone gets off his apron and runs around the ring, getting the ref's attention -- Sparks holds onto the ropes for good leverage, trapping Tiff. Uruburu tells Stone to get back to his side of the ring - and he catches Sparks with her hands on the ropes! He forces her to break the figure-four. She brings Tiff to her feet and goes for an Irish whip, Tiff reverses it, but she still close to Stone -- he grabs a hold of her hair and sends down to the mat, then raises his hand in the air like "I didn't do anything." The crowd boos him out, and all of this just adds more gasoline to Bruce's fire.
Sparks comes back, pulls her away from the ropes and locks in a pin and only gets a two count. She gets up, drops an elbow. She gets up again, drops an elbow. She gets up a third time and drops a third elbow and goes for a pin. One. Two. Kick out. Sparks isn't having this, she brings her to her feet, smashes her back down to the mat with a thunderous DDT. Tiff looks like a spike driven into the mat.
BILL HEWSON: That could've broken her neck.
Sparks drags Tiff to the ropes and places her throat on the bottom rope, then her boot is placed behind Tiff's head. Uruburu begins to count: one, two, three, four; of course Sparks lets go of the hold. Sparks walks away then 'falls' and starts to hold her ankle, it grabs Uruburu's attention, turning his back to Stone. Stone gets off the apron again and begins to pull down on Tiff's head, choking her with the ropes.
BILL HEWSON: That's just wrong.
JACK JONES: Win by all means.
Stone Pimp Slaps Tiff from the floor, the crowd goes "OHH!" Which is some sort of medicine for Sparks, because she gets back up, perfectly fine...
BILL HEWSON: Oh, come on! And suddenly she's 'ok?' This is sick!
JACK JONES: Thank God! Lady Sparks is healed! It's a miracle! The match continues!
BILL HEWSON: Will you be serious?
Sparks comes over to Tiff, she grabs hold of her leg, probably going for another submission, we'll never know, because Tiff, kicks Sparks away from her. Tiff on her feet, clotheslines Sparks. Sparks gets back up as soon as she hits the mat, then gets taken down by a drop kick. Tiff hits a Sparks with a snap suplex! The crowd chants "WHITE CHOCOLATE! WHITE CHOCOLATE!"
Stone's no idiot, he knows what all of this is leading up to. He gets off of his apron, rushes around the ring to Bruce, yanks him off the apron. Bruce has had enough, he chases right after Stone. Meanwhile in the ring, Tiff whips Sparks to her corner, she's at the corner, looking for a tag, Bruce isn't there. Bruce is at the outside the ring, on the other side, he notices what has just happened. He tries to rush back, to get the tag, but it's too late. Sparks took advantage of this moment and is in control once again, center ring. Crowd is hot at this turn of events.
Sparks brings Tiff to her feet and sends a right hand towards her, Tiff catches it and DDTs Sparks. The DDT takes a lot out of Tiff, she can't capitalize! Uruburu might count them out... wait, they're moving! Both women begin to crawl to their respectable corner. Sparks gets to Stone before Tiff gets to Bruce. Stone comes into the ring, with a devious smirk on his face. He grabs hold of her left leg -- she gets up -- ENZIGURI! Stone falls to the mat like a tree that's been chopped--
JACK JONES: TIMBERRRRRR!
Tiff jumps for the tag and BRUCE IS IN!
JACK JONES: It was fun while it lasted.
BILL HEWSON: The fun's just beginning! THE BEAST IS A HOUSEAFAR!
Right off the gate Stone Zellor Pimp Slaps Bruce. "OHH! YOU JUST PIMP SLAPPED THE BEAST! RUN!" Bruce clotheslines Stone's head right off. Stone gets up, a Lariat, then a Scoop Slam, a devastating Scoop Slam, the meanest Scoop Slam to ever take place in the history of Scoop Slams. Stone gets back up from the serious Scoop Slam and gets sent back down to the mat with a Cobra Clutch ---BOMB! Bruce cleans house and looks at the crowd and at Tiff. They know what it is, he tags her in, holds Stone down. She's at the top she's going for the Senton Splash! Here it comes SPARX SHOVES HER OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! Tiff lands hard. Drawing boos.
This doesn't sit well with Bruce. He rolls out the ring, eyes locked on Lady Sparks.
BILL HEWSON: Bruce swore he wouldn't put his hands on Lady Sparks, though it's legal in this match, unless she got in the way! But now Tiff is hurt and The Beast looks ANGRY!
JACK JONES: Get away, Sparks! He's a BEAST! And these fans cheer him!
Sparks is backing up in horror... almost too much horror. Beast slowly advances on her... Meanwhile, Tiffany, showing great resilience, makes her way back into the ring.
But Stone is up. Stone is up! Tiffany stands up, dazed, turns around ---
STONE'S THROW!
Zellor dumps Tiffany right on her head to a TORRENT of boos! He hooks her leg, ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners by pinfall... STONE ZELLOR AND LADY SPARKS!
BILL HEWSON: Damn him, Stone Zellor wins --- here comes The Beast!
HE IS IN THE RING. And never before, not even with Stylin' Kyle Roberts, has Bruce Richards ever so clearly, completely become...
The Beast.
Stone gets up, and gets knocked down. Nothing fancy. Nothing at all. Beast has gone ballistic, pounding on Stone, punching him with closed fists. Stone goes down and Beast is on top of him! Oh god, you hear Stone's nose breaking under the sick impact... Lady Sparks is in, she tries to pull Bruce off of Stone BACK HANDED, BEAST BACKHANDS LADY SPARKS!
JACK JONES: WHAT A COWARD!
BILL HEWSON: Bruce Richards is gone, there is only THE BEAST Oh my God, we need security!
Here they come! Bruce is wild, throwing fists and elbows at everybody who comes in! Kiebiech is in, gets punched! Sharplin and Uruburu try to hold him back, Beast thunders them off with wild, crazed blows. Another security guard gets decked as The Beast has lost it MORGAN SMYTHE OH NO! MORGAN SMYTHE GETS NAILED! MORGAN SMYTHE IS NAILED! HERE COME MORE SECURITY, FINALLY DOGPILING THE BEAST!
What a horrible scene! Stone Zellor and Lady Sparks make their escape as The Beast snorts and snarls, face down on the canvas as handcuffs are brought out. The fans cheers have turned to horror...
The Beast was truly, truly unleashed.
JACK JONES: ... and that is the first - and last - time I ever ate a shrimp cocktail.
BILL HEWSON: Truly disturbing, Jack!
"Refuse to be whooped" blasts throughout the Polish Hall causing the fans to rise to their feet, letting loose a torrent of boos.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following six man tag match is set for one fall. Introducing first being accompanied by the Zamunda Boys! At a total combined weight of five hundred and thirty seven pounds the team of PRINCE DARKO! and KBOND!
The fans start to boo even before Darko and KBOND are through the curtains. Darko appears first mouthing off to the fans who are yelling right back. KBOND comes out next, munching on an egg. Flanking them on either side are Matt Focks and Deek, The Zamunda Boys. The quartet make their way to the ring being showered with boos and flying drink cups. A fan in the front row leans over the railing and starts shadow boxing towards Darko. Darko stops and flips him off.
DARKO: Fool you caint whoop me!
He and KBOND enter the ring and go to a corner. The Zamunda Boys walk around the ringside area. After a moment, "Look out below" by Closure plays.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing their partner! He weighs in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds... "THE SCREAMING FALCON!"
Jacob Venar enters the Polish Hall to a massive amount of boos. He totally ignores the fans as he walks to the ring. He enters the ring but instead of going to the corner with his partners, he decides to stand in a neutral corner. Darko glares at him but Falcon pays him no heed.
FOUR CELLOS.
PATH.
Apocolyptica hits and the fans boos turn to a rush of cheers.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! Introducing first at a total combined weight of four hundred and fifty four pounds... RAVAGER and DEZ CARTER!
Ravager and Carter appear at the top of the ramp. Dez has his eyes locked on Venar as Ravager stares a whole through Darko.
"AND I AM FINALLY FREE!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Their partner! He weighs in at three hundred and fifty pounds... KRENSHOV!
The big man bursts through the curtain to a huge pop! Together the three men walk down the ramp and enter the ring.
BILL HEWSON: This match is filled with egos and combustible elements. Last week Jacob Venar attacked Dez Carter for no reason, and now ---
JACK JONES: No reason? Carter was sticking his nose where it didn't belong. Venar finally realized you can't get anywhere in wrestling by catering to these disgusting fans.
BILL HEWSON: I'm sure you are the only person in this arena with that opinion Jack. He isn't going to have an easy time tonight though. Not only does Venar have Dez gunning for him, he has to team with Darko and those two egos don't work well together.
Morgan Smythe, black eye and all, calls for the bell and Krenshov immediately charges for Darko! Darko quickly jumps to the floor and waves up at a fuming Krenshov. KBOND from behind with a big punch to Krenshov. Krenshov turns around with murder in his eyes and blasts KBOND with a stiff Lariat sending the big man into the buckles. Krenshov charges and hits a hard splash in the corner!
Carter going for Venar and kicks "The Falcon" square in the jaw. Palm strike! Venar responds with a forearm! Carter with the irish whip and he clotheslines Venar to the floor. Dez hops over the ropes in pursuit ramming Jacob headfirst into the railing. Darko from behind on Dez with a kidney punch! Ravager grabs Darko and knocks him silly with a headbutt!
BILL HEWSON: This match is just underway and already pandemonium is unleashed. We've got all six men going at it. Krenshov just leveled KBOND with a big boot! He's just exited the ring and making a beeline for Darko!
JACK JONES: This isn't fair Hewson! Ravager and Krenshov both want to get Darko and it'll be two on one.
BILL HEWSON: Darko's got partners Jack. Wait Focks and Deek are trying to run interference!
The Zamunda boys jump Krenshov and begin to punch away at the monster. Big right hand sends Deek to the floor. Focks with a low blow! "Yeah whoop him boys!" Darko Yells as Krenshov is doubled over. He shakes off the pain and stands up looking to decapitate Focks but the sneaky man has already run away. Krenshov decides to take his anger out on Deek who is struggling to his feet. SPEAR! Deek sent to the floor yet again!
BILL HEWSON: The Zamunda Boys trying to swing the odds in their bosses favor but Krenshov just single handily put them out.
JACK JONES: They were just spectators Bill. He didn't need to be so violent.
BILL HEWSON: Are we watching the same match?
Krenshov lumbers towards Darko who dives into the ring looking to escape. Only to Find Ravager waiting for him. Darko trying to run out the other side but Dez is there! Darko has no where to go! He looks around at his three opponents and a cocky grin spreads across his face. "You boys can't whoop me!"
BILL HEWSON: Has Darko lost his mind?
JACK JONES: It's just being confident Hewson. Darko knows he's superior.
All three men look quite perplexed by Darko's statement but then nod to each other. Palm strike by Dez sends Darko into a huge lariat from Krenshov! Ravager catches him before he can fall and dumps Darko to the mat with a DDT!
BILL HEWSON: Well that plan backfired! Darko is down and Smythe trying to maintain some order here by getting Carter and Krenshov to leave the ring.
JACK JONES: For once she's doing her job. This isn't a street fight after all.
Ravager and Darko are the legal men as Krenshov and Dez are ushered out of the ring by Morgan. Darko is back on his feet and Ravager stalking him like a shark smelling blood. He goes for a kick but Darko darts out of the way. Darko hits the ropes and catches Ravager with a shoulder tackle. Ravager back up and Darko with a neck breaker. "Yeah I'm whoopin ya!" KBOND pops an egg in his mouth and chews while nodding enthusiastically at Darko having the advantage.
Darko with a few stomps to the back of Ravager. He brings him up and shoots him to the ropes... Reversed by Ravager sending Darko in for the whip. Stiff kick to the gut by Ravager! Darko goes down and Ravager with the mount. He batters away with fists to Darko's face! Smythe is ordering Ravager to get off of Darko and quit the closed fists. Ravager relents and stands only to send a jarring kick to Darko's spine.
Ravager walks over and tags in Dez. Carter meets a rising Darko with a forearm shot to the face. Darko runs towards his corner and slaps Venar on the back for the tag. Venar glares at Darko but before he can respond Carter is on him! Dez with a quick series of chops to Jacob's chest. Blistering palm strike but Venar shakes it off and hits a chop of his own.
BILL HEWSON: We knew it would be intense when these two men collided. Look at them throwing strike after strike!
JACK JONES: Falcon blocking a forearm by Carter and what a knee to the gut!
Venar nails Carter with a belly to belly suplex and quickly ascends to the second rope... Diving legdrop connects! One, Two, kickout! Venar goes to his corner and returns the favor from earlier smacking Darko on the chest. "Don't make me whoop you Venar! I don't care if we're partners I'll do it!"
Dez is up and shaking off the effects of Venar's attack. He looks to Darko who is entering the ring and smiles... Before tagging Krenshov! Krenshov growls and rushes Darko pounding him with big right hands. He throws Darko to the ropes and follows him in with a lariat. Down goes darko! Krenshov lifts him up and hits a massive elevated power slam! One, Two, Darko rolls the shoulder! Krenshov makes the tag to Ravager.
BILL HEWSON: Great team work being shown early on here by Ravager Krenshov and Dez.
JACK JONES: They had all that time to work out strategy. Darko has a life outside of wrestling and Venar... Well I don't know what he was doing.
Ravager halls Darko off the mat only for the "Prince of Zamunda" to jam his thumb into Ravager's eye! Ravager grabs his face which allows Darko to wriggle free. He applies a clawhold on Ravager and nails the Laid Out! Cover by Darko but Ravager powers out at two.
BILL HEWSON: This is vintage Darko having to cheat for the advantage.
JACK JONES: It's whatever works Bill. Darko knows how to get things done.
Darko goes to his corner and totally ignores Venar who has his hand out for the tag instead tagging KBOND into the match. Venar looks ready to explode as Darko grins.
BILL HEWSON: The biggest man of the team comes in for the first time in this match. Darko and Venar's egos are really clashing here.
JACK JONES: If they'd only get on the same page oh the great things they could do.
Ravager is sizing up the larger man and shoots a kick out connecting with KBOND's leg. Another kick to the calf muscle but these strikes seem to have no effect. KBOND suddenly rushes forward and clothesline to Ravager! The smaller man flips in the air from the impact before hitting the mat.
BILL HEWSON: What power by KBOND. He could have knocked Ravager out with that one clothesline.
JACK JONES: He didn't get to be Darko's enforcer by shaking hands and kissing babies. This man has beaten bears and lions!
Darko claps in the corner for the devastation perpetrated by KBOND. KBOND yanks Ravager up by the hair and beale tosses him to the corner. Big running splash! Ravager is down and KBOND going to the bottom rope... BIG LEG DROP! Instead of covering his man, KBOND goes to his corner and tags in Darko. Darko looks over at Ravager on the mat and says "We whooped you and Deez Nuts once and we can do it again" before running forward and kicking the downed Ravager in the stomach. He pulls Ravager to his feet and sends him into his own corner. Darko goes for a running dropkick but Venar with the blind tag at the same time! Darko is unaware of the tag and dropkicks Ravager in the face. He tries to grab Ravager for more damage but is stopped by Morgan Smythe.
BILL HEWSON: Venar made the blind tag and Darko didn't even realize it. More dissension on this team.
JACK JONES: It's clear neither of these men want to let the other get ahead. As long as they keep beating on Ravager though I'll be happy.
Darko is furious with Venar and angrily leaves the ring. Ravager is stumbling out of the corner and Venar springs off the ropes taking Ravager over with a beautiful rana. Jacob takes his boot and rakes it across the face of Ravager causing the fans to boo. He laughs evilly and begins stomping away. After about six stomps all over Ravager's body Venar climbs to the top rope.
BILL HEWSON: The Falcon is looking to fly here Jack!
JACK JONES: If he hits this, it's OVER!
The Falcon takes flight with a picture perfect moonsault... Driving the air out of Ravager. One, Two, Ravager is able to kick out! "If I was in there he wouldn't have kick out!" Darko yells from his team's corner. "All three of these punks would be whooped by now!" Both men are to their feet. Whisper in The Wind! Ravager is down and Venar is once again going to the buckles.
He flies off looking for a diving senton... Venar eats knees! Ravager is able to get his knees up at the last second. Venar is down and Darko looks disgusted. KBOND pops another egg in his mouth only for Darko to knock it out causing the food to splatter on the apron. "Focus KBOND! Focus!"
BILL HEWSON: This is Ravager's chance! He needs to make the tag!
JACK JONES: Cut him off! Someone needs to prevent him from making that tag.
Venar is up and grabs Ravager from behind preventing the tag. He spins him around and gets walloped with a kick to the chest. Northern Lights Suplex by Ravager sends Venar to the canvas. Ravager grabs "The Falcon" by the head and places his face on the bottom buckle. Ravager backs up and nails the Silencer! He is able to make it to his corner and tags in Krenshov!
BILL HEWSON: Here comes Krenshov!
JACK JONES: Darko and KBOND hitting the ring as well! That's a smart move try and take him out with the numbers game.
KBOND is the first to meet Krenshov. Krenshov with a big boot knocking him down! Falcon is on the top rope... Crossbody attempt but Krenshov plucks him right out of the air press slamming Venar to the canvas. Darko off the ropes and he too is caught in a bearhug. Krenshov is looking to slam Darko but KBOND from behind with a kick to the spine! Krenshov is angry and fires back with a punch to the stomach. KBOND with a left hand to the throat. He lifts up Krenshov and applies a barehug of his own. Krenshov's muscles are bulging as he struggles in KBOND's grip. With one final burst of energy he's able to break the hold! Krenshov charges KBOND and hits a splash sending his opponent into the buckles. Krenshov going for the running forearm but KBOND with a boot to the head. He goes over to tag Darko but Venar blocks his path tagging himself in.
BILL HEWSON: Tag into Carter, Dez rushing Venar!
JACK JONES: Venar with a throat chop! Dez can't breath. Serves that neb nose right!
Dez is clutching at his throat as Venar runs for a dropkick. Only to hook his legs around Carter's neck... UNKINDNESS on Carter! He transitions into the Talon Clutch trying for the submission! Carter is struggling for the ropes.
Wait! Here comes Darko. Darko just grabbed Carter's foot preventing him from reaching the ropes. Ravager is in! Huge lariat sends Darko to the ropes! Krenshov's got him... Choke bomb to the floor! OH MY GOD TO THE FLOOR! KBOND jumping Krenshov and dragging him outside.
BILL HEWSON: This has completely broken down. Morgan Smythe has lost all control.
JACK JONES: Krenshov and KBOND trading blows! Ravager is going for Darko. Run away Darko!
The Zamunda Boys are on Ravager like wolves trying to restrain him. He breaks free and blocks a punch from Matt Focks. Focks swings again but Ravager ducks causing Deek to be punched square in the face. Ravager going over to help Krenshov with KBOND. They grab KBOND and whip him into the barricade! In the ring, Carter has managed to reach the ropes breaking the hold. He struggles to his feet and lashes out nailing a forearm to Venar. Dez backs Venar into the ropes and starts landing a barrage of kicks to the body. Venar begins to laugh hysterically as Dez batters him. Each shot causing The Falcon to laugh even harder. Dez backs away and rushes in... PALM STRIKE! Blocked by Venar! Jacob with a running rocker dropper! On the outside, Darko is running around trying to evade Ravager and Krenshov!
BILL HEWSON: I don't know how much longer Darko can keep this up.
JACK JONES: Krenshov should tire out soon.
Jacob Venar plants Dez in the center of the ring with a swinging DDT and climbs to the top rope. He looks down at Dez and cackles before preparing to leap... SMW? No, Carter is getting up! Jacob changes plans into a CROSSBODY --- CAUGHT! DEZ HAS VENAR ON HIS SHOULDERS!
GOOOOOOO TOOOOOOOO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
BILL HEWSON: Carter hits the Go 2 SLeep!
JACK JONES: But Darko is diving into the ring!
Carter with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Darko trying to make the save, Krenshov yanks him back out!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners... KRENSHOV! RAVAGER! and DEZ CARTER!
Krenshov and Ravager hit the ring and all three men raise their hands to a big cheer from the fans. KBOND is helping up Darko who is a little groggy but looks ready to kill Venar. The winning team exits the ring and heads up the ramp as Jacob Venar starts to stir, rolling outside. KRENSHOV points down at Darko... they got the win, but he still wants to get his hands on Darko!
Smashing Pumpkins kicks up for the second time tonight. The fans boo after what happened earlier, but it doesn't matter to Dan Ryan. He stalks to the ring, looking in good spirits overall.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following match is scheduled for one fall at a thirty-minute time limit! Introducing first from Houston Texas... standing six-foot seven, weighting three-hundred and thirty-five pounds, he is the former NAPW WORLD CHAMPION... "THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN!
Ryan hits the apron and looks out over the fans. Always, the confident/cocky grin playing at his lips. Dan Ryan knows he's good. Nobody needs to tell him. His resume speaks for himself. But his opponent...
Airbourne kicks out over the PA and the fans look to the curtain to see a rib-taped, pained looking Trent Daniels come from the curtain, holding his neck. He looks like hell.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his opponent! From Ottawa, Ontario... at five-ten weighing two-hundred and fifteen pounds, he is TRENT DANIELS!
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels asked for Dan Ryan's focus earlier tonight... and he got it. Trent Daniels, the kid has so much guts, so much intestinal fortitude, but provoking Dan Ryan, a man who has beat him twice, when his ribs are already injured...
JACK JONES: Just say it, Hewson, it wasn't smart! Trent Daniels is like every other dumb kid in this business, all balls, no brains. And it's brains that win and keep championships! That's why Dan Ryan has held more gold than this entire company put together over his career!
BILL HEWSON: One way or another, we know Trent Daniels will give everything he has! But after the attack earlier tonight, after his brutal match with D! last week... how much can he possibly have here tonight? We're going to find out!
The bell sounds and this match is underway! Both men step out of their corners, Daniels rather more cautiously than his opponent but after the Headliner earlier, it's understandable. Ryan reaches out a hand, offering up the test of strength - only to have it smacked away! Instead being replaced by an offer of a tie-up by Trent Daniels.
BILL HEWSON: Can you believe the moxie of this kid?
JACK JONES: He's just stupid, Hewson.
BILL HEWSON: Will you be serious?
Naturally, Dan Ryan obliges the offer of a collar and elbow tie-up, as he immediately overpowers his smaller opponent. He pushes Daniels back into the nearest corner as the official, Dick Kiebiech calls for the break. Which he gets--before the former World champion delivers a thunderous chop to the chest of his opponent! And another! But Ryan pulls Trent from the corner, choosing to send him from pillar to post with an Irish whip as Daniels crashes into the far turnbuckle! Ryan charges in after him--MISSES! Trent ducks out of the corner in the nick of time, drawing a collective sigh of relief from the crowd as they cheer the plucky underdog on. 'The Ego Buster' staggers out of the corner, having just nearly caved his sternum in on when he's grabbed. Daniels unloads with a few rights to the skull - but he's blocked and countered by a huge uppercut, sending him tumbling to the canvas!
BILL HEWSON: That must have jarred his neck, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: The kid doesn't know when to stop. he's been folded up like an accordion so many time just by Dan Ryan alone - yet he keeps coming back!
BILL HEWSON: It's called heart.
Trent Daniels scrambles towards the ropes, using them to pull himself up as 'The Ego Buster' grabs him in a waist lock - into the BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Needless to say Trent's street team don't look too happy as their idol bounces off the mat, but Ryan goes for the early pin attempt--getting a two count from Kiebiech. Ryan grabs his opponent around the head as he yanks him back to his feet. He's kept hold of the hair, though, as he throws Trent Daniels head long into the top turnbuckle! His neck jars backwards, but he slumps back into the corner, giving 'The Ego Buster' the perfect opportunity to drive his shoulder into Trent's sternum. Repeatedly. And hard.
JACK JONES: He's slowly taking Trent Daniels apart. This is just so beautiful to watch.
BILL HEWSON: Between his recurring ribs injury and the damage Dan Ryan did to his neck earlier tonight, Trent Daniels is at a serious disadvantage.
Kiebiech calls for the break after nine or so, and Dan Ryan back away -- as he watches his opponent slump to a seated position. Ryan grabs his opponent by the foot, dragging him away from the turnbuckle before flipping him onto his front and applying a camel clutch!
BILL HEWSON: Do you see how much Dan Ryan is cranking back on that neck?
Indeed he is, and Dick Kiebiech is straight in position checking for the submission! Pain is etched on the face of Trent Daniels as he looks over at his street team, who are urging him to fight. He looks over to Tommy Deathrow in the aisle--and he smiles as he holds up a foot long Superstar dog.
JACK JONES: Just give up, you idiot!
BILL HEWSON: I can't imagine how much pain Trent Daniels is in right now...
JACK JONES: Because you've never stepped into a wrestling ring!
Kiebiech still checking, but Daniels won't give up! Does he have one more trick in his bag? No? Yes?
ROPE BREAK! Daniels gets his foot on the bottom rope - and Kiebiech calls for the break! Dan Ryan releases the hold, and Trent falls down to the canvas whilst holding his neck in agony. But, yet again, Dan Ryan drags his opponent straight back to his feet. An Irish whip sends the young Canadian towards the corner--FLOAT OVER--CAUGHT! Trent's stranded on the shoulder of Dan Ryan--POWERSLAM! And a lateral press for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THRENOOOOOO! Daniels kicks out!
But he's quickly lifted by to a vertical base once more as Dan Ryan whips him across the ring and towards the corner. Trent hits the turnbuckle with a thud as the former World champion builds up a head of steam. AVALANCHE ATTACK! MISSES! The crowd cheer as Trent ducks out of the way, leaving nothin' but turnbuckle for Dan Ryan! The big man stumbles out of the corner. DISCUS ELBOW SMASH BY DANIELS!
BILL HEWSON: The fight back is starting, Jack Attack!
The big man is staggered by the elbow smash, giving Trent some time to execute the standing enziguri! Another cheer from the crowd as the plucky Ottowa-ite picks himself up. he goes against the far ropes for some momentum--SPINEBUSTER BY DAN RYAN!
JACK JONES: The fight back is over, Hewson.
Not quite, because Trent Daniels is actually picking himself up again. He crawls towards the ropes, using them to get to his knees as Ryan grabs him from behind in the rear waist lock. RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! And that folded Trent Daniels up! He rolls backwards upon impact, laying face down in the middle of the ring. Dick Kiebiech goes to check on Trent Daniels, who assure the referee that he can continue - not that Dan Ryan is too bothered as he drags him back to his feet yet again. A toe kick doubles Daniels over before he's lifted into a fireman's carry position -- DANIELS SLIPS DOWN THE BACK! Ryan spins around before looking for the lariat, only to have that ducked as well as Trent catches him with a snap kick to the thigh. Followed by a sweeping kick to the calf, but Ryan is still on his feet - OTTAWA TRIOS! A spin kick to the knee cap and Ryan is down!
BILL HEWSON: That's the knee that Donovan Astros attacked last week, and it looks like Trent Daniels might have found a way back into this match!
JACK JONES: It's sickening how he's willing to exploit his opponent's injuries like that...
Trent rushes towards the corner, climbing to the top rope as Dan Ryan regains his vertical base. He's hobbling slightly, but trying not to let it show as Daniels flies WITH A MISSILE DROPKICK! It's enough to take Dan Ryan off his feet, but Daniels crashes down to the mat, landing on those ribs ... and he can do nothing to capitalize on the advantage! Both men are beginning to stir, but Ryan is still holding that knee as Trent pulls himself up on the ropes. He's going up top again?
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels is going to take to the skies again with a hope of a big move!
He's there! But Dan Ryan is back on his feet. He catches Trent with a huge right, but Daniels is still perched on the top rope! Another right from Ryan shakes his opponent - but the big man climbs onto the bottom rope. He hooks his arm around the neck of Trent Daniels before climbing to the middle rope...
BILL HEWSON: Oh my God!
SUPER BRAINBUSTER FROM DAN RYAN!
The crowd are speechless as Trent Daniels is motionless in the ring! 'The Ego Buster' rolls over, draping an arm across the chest of his opponent as Kiebiech counts the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
BILL HEWSON: NO! Trent Daniels with a foot on the rope!
JACK JONES: How could he kick out of that? How!?
The crowd explode as Kiebiech tells Dan Ryan that this match has to continue, and the former World champion doesn't look best pleased. He stands up, lifting Trent Daniels back to his feet as well - but Daniels is out of it. He can barely stay upright ... LARIAT BY DAN RYAN! And Trent crashes to the mat after flipping through the air! But he's still not done. Dan Ryan drags his opponent up once more before connecting with another toe kick. Daniels is doubled over, and Ryan positions him for the Humility Bomb--but Daniels slumps to the canvas!
Ryan lifts Trent back up again, ready and primed for the Humility Bomb--but Trent falls to his knees!
BILL HEWSON: Oh my... Jack Attack, Trent Daniels has given it his all, but look at him. He can't even stay on his feet. Even Dan Ryan looks like he has mild reservations about hurting this kid further!
Ryan hesitates. The veteran knows never to give an inch, but Daniels is just a mess. Ryan pulls Daniels into Humility Bomb position again... and once again Ryan's knees give out. He dangles, head between Ryan's thighs, nothing left. Ryan's face tells the story, but now he's frustrated. Time to end this.
Dan Ryan lifts Trent up aga--INSIDE CRADLE BY TRENT DANIELS! IT TAKES DAN RYAN BY SURPRISE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: HERE IS YOUR WINNER... TRENT DANIELS!
BILL HEWSON: HE'S DONE IT! HE'S DONE IT! TRENT DANIELS HAS DONE IT AT LAST! Trent Daniels has beaten the former World Champion!
JACK JONES: No, it can't! He got the shoulder up, Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: A second too late! Dan Ryan hesitated just a moment, and Trent Daniels, hurt as he was... had enough left to surprise The Ego Buster with an inside cradle! On his third try, after months and months, despite it all, Trent Daniels has just scored the biggest win of his career! And this crowd is ELECTRIC!
The victorious Trent Daniels is still laying flat on the ring as Dan Ryan gets up, standing in a corner with a look of surprise on his face. The crowd is up, chanting "TRENT! TRENT! TRENT!" Daniels grabs the bottom rope, slowly pulling himself up.
The second rope.
The third rope.
TRENT DANIELS IS ON HIS FEET.
Barely.
Across the ring, Dan Ryan shakes his head... but a strangely satisfied smirk comes across his face. He gives a swaying Trent Daniels a long look, then nods his head at him and leaves the ring. A show of respect to Daniels by Ryan? Whatever the case, Daniels drops to the canvas and rolls out, going to meet his Street Team of loyal fans in their front row section! The crowd is emotional, what a moment in NAPW history!
FRANK WARBURTON: Fans, we are taking a short intermission as we set up... for the BARBED WIRE NO ROPES IRON MAIDEN MATCH!
The crowd goes crazy as the ring crew works DOUBLE TIME to pull the ropes down and string up the barbed wire. Tommy at his BBQ gets a big grin on his face as the big spools are brought out. Time to get your popcorn and cracker jacks... though you might want to avoid eating too much. You might lose it in the next match.
The ring crew have finished setting up the ring, going back to get the Iron Maiden. Tommy Deathrow is still having hanging out with the fans, handing out hot dogs to those at ringside. So it can kind of be excused that he does not notice someone come up behind him...
JACK JONES: Uh oh, look like out next match is going to start a bit early...
Indeed, Krusty Kid Paul is out, and he grabs Deathrow by the shoulder and whips him around, laying in with a right hand. Deathrow responds in kind, and referee John Sharplin is out to try and get the two wrestlers to go to the ring. but they don't seem to be paying attention. KKP yells out " Ya look thirsty, How bout some punch!" and hits Deathrow right in the mush. Deathrow grabs a foot long from his BBQ and whacks KKP over the head with it. KKP grabs a ketchup squeeze bottle and sprays it directly in Deathrow's eyes! Deathrow stumbles around for a second, and KKP charges him... Deathrow with a back body drop sending KKP...
ONTO THE BAR B QUE!!
BILL HEWSON: I think the laughs end now.
KKP writhes in pain as he is burned by hot coals. Deathrow pounces on a fallen KKP, and traps his head between his legs... and goes for Total Non Stop Tommy on the coals! This gets a huge reaction from the fans, and KKP can be heard cursing in pain. Deathrow stands tall near the carnage and soaks in the roar of the crowd, and downs a cup of beer that a fan hands him. This gives the ring crew the chance to wheel the Iron Maiden to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall, and it is an Iron Maiden No Ropes Barbed Wire Match! Introducing first...
Warburton doesn't get to finish, as Deathrow drags KKP up and rolls him into the ring. Sharplin calls for the bell and the match is officially on!
BILL HEWSON: It's simple folks. This match is pretty much casket match rules...
JACK JONES: Except most caskets aren't lined with nails. Or contested in barbed wire no ropes matches!
BILL HEWSON: I'm already queasy...
Deathrow stalks a burned KKP, looking to hit the Deathrow Driver, but KKP is able to flip Deathrow over. Deathrow lands hard on his back, and KKP drops elbow after elbow across the sternum of the sexy one. He goes for a cover, but those don't count here. He doesn't argue long with Sharplin, instead deciding to kick a rising Deathrow in the side of the head. Deathrow goes down, and KKP goes to ringside to find a weapon. He grabs a chair and slides it into the ring. Deathrow grabs it, starting a tug of war with KKP. KKP scores a boot to the gut, then nails Deathrow upside the head with it. Deathrow falls against the ropes! Barbed wire digs into his body as KKP calls for the Iron Maiden to be opened! He charges Deathrow, looking to clothesline him into the Maiden, but Deathrow ducks, and KKP is flipped over the top rope... but on instinct he grabs hold of the top rope, preventing himself from falling into the maiden, but cutting up his hand in the process! Deathrow grabs the chair and clobbers KKP with it, Once, twice, three times in quick succession, and KKP's fingers slip off the top rope...
And he tumbles into the Iron Maiden! Words not fit for family viewing emerge from the nail lined casket, and Deathrow tries to close the lid... KKP stops him, he jabs his thumb in Deathrow's eye and climbs out of the Maiden.
JACK JONES: The man is bleeding from almost every part of his body...
BILL HEWSON: Landing hard on a bed of nails will do that, so I've heard.
Deathrow is trying to get his vision back, and KKP is trying to regain his senses. One look at Deathrow clears all the cobwebs, and he grabs Deathrow by the hair and drives him face first into the ring post! Deathrow is busted open now, and KKP starts grinding his face against the barbed wire covered bottom rope, drawing more blood. Deathrow is down on his knees, and KKP smashes his knee into Deathrow's face. Deathrow slumps to the ground. KKP hauls him back up, and sets him up for a powerbomb... He's going to powerbomb Deathrow into the Iron Maiden! he has him up... Deathrow fights the move, driving punches into the head of KKP. KKP is bleeding profusely from his forehead, but manages to keep Deathrow up, and he slams him against the Iron Maiden, but doesn't get him inside the vile structure. Deathrow holds his back in pain, and KKP responds by driving a series of forearms into his spine. Deathrow gets an elbow to the side of KKP's face, but KKP is in full bloodlust mode, and retaliates with a big boot, that knocks Deathrow to the ground. KKP climbs on to the ring apron, and dives off with an elbow drop across Deathrow's chest! Deathrow writhes in pain, as KKP drags him up, places him on the ring apron, then hip tosses him into the Iron Maiden!
JACK JONES: Who would have thought THIS would be the match where we'd see Krusty Kid Paul's first wrestling move?
Angry yells from Deathrow as flesh meets nails, and KKP is trying to close the lid... Deathrow blocks, he lands several punches to KKP's face, driving his opponent off.. KKP back in the ring, Deathrow out of the maiden, and he crawls into the ring as well. Both men are bleeding from puncture wounds all over their bodies, not to mention huge gashes on their foreheads. But they both have sick grins on their faces, and they charge each other, unloading with lefts and rights, a mist of blood rising with every shot that connects! Deathrow starts getting the upper hand, and he drives KKP to the ropes, the barb wire digs into KKP's torso! Deathrow clotheslines him to the floor! KKP hits the ground hard, and Deathrow follows... He's looking under the ring for something... he pulls out a cloth bag. He climbs back into the ring, opens the bag, and dumps out the contents...
BILL HEWSON: There's an Iron Maiden at ringside. We have barbed wire instead of ring ropes! Isn't that violent enough?!
Apparently not. Deathrow dumps thousands of thumbtacks all over the ring. KKP has pulled himself up, and slides into the ring, only to be met by Deathrow, who sets him up for the Deathrow Driver! KKP fights out of it, and sets Deathrow up for the Krusty Bomb! Deathrow fights out of that, and the two men trade punches again, trying to assert themselves. KKP gains the advantage, and whips Deathrow to the ropes! Deathrow manages to turn, but still gets a back full of barbed wire. he pulls himself off the barbs, and stumbles forward. KKP tries to clothesline Deathrow, but Deathrow ducks and goes for a clothesline of his own... KKP ducks that one, Deathrow tries for one more, KKP is ready for him...
DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! KKP and Deathrow take each other out, and both men land in the thumbtacks! The fans are going nuts right now, wondering just what the Hell the two of them will do next! Deathrow rolls over and gets to his knees. He has his hands down his pants, then pulls his hand out, grabs a hand full of tacks, and locks the Sweaty Ball Claw on KKP! KKP is in a world of hurt here, with the tack assisted claw! Deathrow trying to pull KKP towards the Iron Maiden, but KKP fights back, grabbing a handful of tacks and shoving them in Deathrow's face! Deathrow breaks the hold, and Sharplin makes sure neither man has tacks in their eyes. KKP is first to his feet... Deathrow springs up with the Tommyhawk! KKP driven to the mat! But Deathrow is groggy, and goes for a cover!
BILL HEWSON: That won't work in this match. Krusty Kid Paul found that out already!
Deathrow mouths some words, I believe one of them might be "luck" and starts to roll KKP over towards the opened Iron Maiden. He's within inches of tossing KKP into the box, when KKP uses some momentum to slingshot Deathrow into the Maiden! KKP goes to shut the lid! Deathrow blocks it! KKP punches Deathrow again and again, but Deathrow will not go down. KKP goes for a haymaker, but gets a thumb to the throat, and Deathrow grabs KKP and spinebusters him into the Iron Maiden! KKP is planted into the nails, and Deathrow climbs out and tries to shut the lid! He has it down... KKP blocks with his foot! Deathrow drags KKP up and sets him up for the Deathrow Driver!
JACK JONES: He's going to piledrive him into the Iron Maiden!
BILL HEWSON: This is too much!
Deathrow tries to lift KKP up, but KKP grabs the bottom rope, sacrificing his hand to save the rest of his body. Deathrow loosens the hold to lay in with some forearms to the back, but KKP lands a low blow, then clotheslines Deathrow back into the ring! After having his back driven into barbed wire, Deathrow lands on some more tacks when he hits the mat. And to add insult to injury, KKP helps drive some more tacks in by landing an elbow drop! Both men have lost a lot of blood. Both men are covered in tacks. But neither man has backed down yet. Deathrow slowly makes it to his knees. KKP has pulled himself up with the turnbuckles. He charges Deathrow with a roaring elbow! Deathrow ducks, and KKP is sent into the tacks! Deathrow goes for a Camel Clutch, but KKP slips out of it, and drives a fist into the back of Deathrow's head! Deathrow swings around with a haymaker that catches KKP in the jaw! KKP stumbles to the ropes, and Deathrow follows with a clothesline...
Cactus Clothesline! Both men tangled in the barbed wire! They struggle to get free, and then both men fall into the Iron Maiden! Referee Sharplin is not sure what to do... KKP is up and trying to crawl out of the maiden... Deathrow grabs his leg, and tries to pull him back in. Both men are up now... they're on the ring apron. They're trading punches one more time, trying to knock each other into the Iron Maiden. KKP swings, Deathrow ducks, and hits a back body drop! KKP sent up and over...
But he grabs the top rope AGAIN, and lands on the ring apron! Mule kick to Deathrow's junk! Deathrow is stunned... KKP with a German Suplex...
DEATHROW GERMAN SUPLEXED FROM THE RING APRON INTO THE IRON MAIDEN!
KKP slams the lid shut! IT'S OVER!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of the Iron Maiden match: KRUSTY KID PAUL!
Officials, medics, referees swarm the ring almost before Warburton has announced the winner. KKP's hand is a bloody mess. The lid is lifted on the Iron Maiden, and Deathrow is pried out of the nail covered box. White towels are quickly turned red as blood loss is being staved off. KKP is pale, but he still demands that Sharplin lift his hand in victory. The ring crew is out to clean things up as the wrestlers are helped from the ring... what a scene.
FRANK WARBURTON: Fans, give a hand to these two warriors... please clear the way... Tommy Deathrow and Krusty Kid Paul! We will take a second intermission to reset the ring and clean up, thank you for your patience, we still have three huge matches to come!
The crowd look ready for a break. Deathrow, their sexy hero, has fallen to the vicous Krusty Kid Paul. Both men have spilled so much blood...
-INTERMISSION-
JACK JONES: So then we all just packed up and left the beach.
BILL HEWSON: And for good reason.
JACK JONES: Look, if a Provincial Park can't handle the Jones family picnic, then they really should get more staff. Timmy only tried to light a forest fire twice.
BILL HEWSON: Your whole FAMILY is like you?
JACK JONES: Maybe three times.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is a four-corners tag team match, scheduled for one fall. Entering first, at a combined weight of four hundred and seventy six pounds. They hail from from Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA...AXE and DIAMOND, THE DECAPITATORS!
KILLING IN THE NAME OF! Dressed in a black leather coat and pants, Decapitator Axe comes out from behind the curtains to a big cheer from the audience. He stands there, waiting for a few seconds, then...Decapitator Diamond rushes out and leaps around, cheering and pumping up the crowd. The fans give the tiny powerhouse a big pop, and the two men make their way to the ring.
BILL HEWSON: Lot of love from the hometown fans, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: It's been a while since we've seen The Decapitators in the NAPW ring, Hewson. Not quite long enough for my liking, though.
FRANK WARBURTON: And entering the ring next! At a combined weight of five hundred and fifty pounds. Accompanied by Lance, here are Dan The Man and Thor Heinie...TEAM MAN!
"WATERLOO! I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE WAR!" And the crowd is electric! With boos! As the two manly men - and their personal stylist - make their way down to the ring, Dan The Man flexes and poses in incredibly creepy ways. In the ring, Thor Heinie offers to feel Diamond's abs and pecs, give him some pointers on how to improve his physique, but Diamond graciously declines.
JACK JONES: I don't know what it is, but Team Man makes me uncomfortable.
BILL HEWSON: I think you know EXACTLY what it is.
FRANK WARBURTON: And entering the ring next!
"AS LOW AS YOU GO!" FOO FIGHTERS! The crowd goes BANANAS, no, WATERMELONS!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL!
BILL HEWSON: Could it be? COULD IT BE?!?
FRANK WARBURTON: At a combined weight of five hundred and sixty-five pounds, "The Brute" Bobby O'Brady and "Audacious" Al Thoes...THE NEW & IMPROVED NEW & IMPROVED D-X!
Bobby O'Brady, dressed like an even bigger version of Bruce Richards complete with leather duster and black cowboy hat, walks calmly down to the stage. Al Thoes, meanwhile, has a trace of five o'clock shadow and a pair of green tights with AUDACIOUS written down the side in gold letters, and he's doing his best to skip around and high five a confused but still enthusiastic crowd.
BILL HEWSON: Quite a change in direction from the former Celtic Assassins. I'm reading here that this was not their first choice, but they felt that "The New & Improved Spade and Talon" didn't quite have the same impact.
JACK JONES: Holy hell...
FRANK WARBURTON: And finally, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of four hundred and forty pounds. They are four-time NAPW Tag Team Champions! Mystic Ninja and The Expositioner...MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!" And the crowd goes crazy like Sunday morning as the boys from Mystic Exposition come out from behind the curtain and do their damnedest to fire the crowd up even more. Slappin' fives, posin' for photo ops, kissin' babies...no sorry, that should be kissin' babes. Until finally all four teams are in their respective corners.
BILL HEWSON: They're not the Tag Team champions any more, Jack Attack, but they still have the hearts of every person in this crowd.
JACK JONES: Not mine, they don't. I saw them coming for it and I put it in a safety deposit box.
Referee Morgan Smythe motions for the starting wrestlers to come to the center of the ring, and it will be Decapitator Axe, Thor Heinie, Al Thoes, and Mystic Ninja starting off for their respective tag teams. Hmm, one of these things is not like the others. Morgan Smythe gives the signal to the timekeeper, the bell rings, and we are off!
...except Al Thoes is holding up his hands. The other wrestlers look confused but are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He holds his hands up over his head, and calls out to the crowd: "WHO WANTS TO SEE THE NEW & IMPROVED HEADLOCK CHALLENGE!" And the crowd answers in a deafening affirmative.
BILL HEWSON: It's the return of the Headlock Challenge, Jones!
JACK JONES: The match has already started! We shouldn't be seeing stupid posing. We should be seeing hard action!
BILL HEWSON: You really don't know why Team Man makes you uncomfortable?
Al Thoes turns to his opponents with a huge smile on his face, daring any of them to take the headlock challenge. Mystic Ninja bows out, being the smallest man in the ring at the moment. And it looks like Decapitator Axe--no! Thor Heinie leaps forward and backs into Al Thoes, eager to be a part of the headlock challenge! Al Thoes grimaces but grudgingly applies the headlock, and locks it in. Thor Heinie struggles mightily, but he can't break the hold. "USE THE POWER OF YOUR BALLS!" shouts Dan The Man, and Al Thoes has had just about enough of this. He lifts Thor up...and brings him down with a powerbomb! Decapitator Axe turns to grab Mystic Ninja, who's not there any more! Axe turns to try and locate his opponent, and turns to face the outside just in time to get a Ninjattack! Two men are down already. This match is really under way now!
Al Thoes grabs the Mystic Ninja, trying to set him up for a powerslam, but Ninja quickly turns around in Thoes' grip and locks his feet around Thoes' neck! Another headscissors takedown by the Mystic Ninja! And now he goes to pin Decapitator Axe. One, two, BIG kickout from Axe, knocking the Mystic Ninja right off his chest. And now Axe is after Ninja, who's back on his feet; Ninja bounces off the ropes, going for a drop kick, but Axe moves fast for a guy of his size, then takes Ninja down with a clothesline. Axe goes to make the tag to Diamond, who rushes at Mystic Ninja just getting to his feet--intercepted by Thor Heinie with a running power slam! Decapitator Diamond was just spiked like a football! Which gives Ninja just enough time to tag in Expositioner, and Al Thoes time to tag in Bobby O'Brady. All four men are fresh - well, except maybe Diamond - and it looks like we're going to do it all over again!
Suddenly, there's a commotion at the entrance. Two men are running towards the ring at full tilt. It can't be! But it is! STORM IS IN THE HOUSE!
JACK JONES: OH MY GOD IT'S A TAGSTRAVAGANZA!
The fans start screaming when they realize what's happening, and everyone in the ring just stops to figure it out for themselves. North T. Gunderson and Tempest stop about halfway down and point right at Decapitator Axe. "WE'RE COMING FOR YOU!" shouts North, as Diamond comes out from his corner and dares them to come in and mess with them using a patented combination of hand signals. Tempest lets out a huge roar, and Storm continues the charge right into the ring!
They rush at The Decapitators, who look at each other and then quickly drop to the ground! Storm bounce off the ropes, rebounding with power...right into Thoes and Dan The Man! There's a HARSH collision in the center of the ring, and then Thoes and Dan whip the two intruders back towards the ropes--and Axe and Diamond have pulled down the ropes! Storm tumble back out of the ring, and Mystic Ninja flies off his turnbuckle--SHURIKEN PRESS ON BOTH MEN ON THE OUTSIDE!
BILL HEWSON: Storm have certainly made an impact here tonight, just not the one they were hoping for!
JACK JONES: Thank god that was dealt with quickly. This match was starting to get even too ridiculous for me.
BILL HEWSON: A surprising amount of teamwork from the competitors, that's for sure.
That teamwork is all over now, though. The four legal men, Expositioner, Dan the Man, Bobby O'Brady, and Decapitator Diamond, square off in the center of the ring again, while Axe heads back to his corner. Expositioner quickly locks up with Bobby O'Brady, leaving Axe to sigh as he locks up with Dan. Quick body slam from O'Brady, and a pumping gorilla press from Dan The Man--reversed! Diamond grabs Dan's neck and turns it into a DDT, and now it's Diamond and "The Brute" going for each other. They both rebound off the far ropes, O'Brady just narrowly missing Diamond with a clothesline, and he rebounds again right into a swinging neckbreaker! The tiny Diamond is the only man standing! And he points to his partner in the corner, and runs over for the tag! Diamond climbs to the top turnbuckle as Axe sets up Dan The Man for a back suplex! It's time for a DECAPITATION!
Except that Thor Heinie has come up on Axe from behind with a double axe handle! Oh, the irony! Axe stumbles, dropping Dan, and then Team Man apply the MANWICH! OH GOD THE PAIN! Before they can capitalize, though, Expositioner and Al Thoes each grab a member of Team Man, spin them around, and fire off with a pair chop! Then, Dan chops Expo! Thor chops Thoes! IT'S DUELING CHOP BATTLES! Back and forth, back and forth, until Expo stops for a moment. "It's unfortunate," he says, "that we have all forgotten about Decapitator Diamond!"
OH. SNAP.
Diamond FLIES off the top turnbuckle, taking down EVERYONE with a corkscrew cross body! Six men are sprawled out on the floor, only one of them moving! IT'S DIAMOND! Diamond crawls to the closest opponent, Dan The Man, and lays across him for the pin.
One!
Two!
Thr--NOOOOO! Mystic Ninja flying in from the far side with a dropkick for the save! The Decapitators almost won this match! Mystic Ninja runs around the ring, whooping and hollering, going crazy and whipping the crowd into a frenzy! He makes it around the rings once, twice, two and a half--Al Thoes with a Power Clothesline! The Mystic Ninja is down, but not for long, as he hauls him back up and tags in Bobby O'Brady. They're setting up for the Celtic Crusher! "NOW YOU'LL FEEL THE NEW & IMPROVED DOWN AND DIRTY, YOU WEE NINJA!" hollers Al Thoes! Double stomp vertebreaker and Ninja's broken in half for the third time this evening! Bobby O'Brady with the pin, one, two, thr--NOOOO! Now it's Dan The Man with the save, with a falling elbow on Bobby O'Brady!
BILL HEWSON: Two near-falls in as many minutes, Jack Attack!
JACK JONES: They're coming fast and furious now, Hewson, but Smythe had better get some control over this match. I don't even know who the legal men are any more!
As Mystic Ninja rolls to the outside and Decapitator Diamond crawls to his corner to try and make a tag, Expositioner gets back to his feet. He rushes at Dan The Man, who's just getting to his feet! "X-POUND!" And Dan The Man is flat on his back, fending off a flurry of fists from the excellent Expositioner. Decapitator Axe comes in with a falling elbow on Expo, technically breaking the hold, but now there are TWO people on top of Dan The Man, whose shoulders are still on the mat! Then Bobby O'Brady gets in on the action with a body splash! Dogpile on Dan The Man, not that he'd normally mind but Morgan Smythe is making the count!
ONE!
Thor Heinie rushes in to save his partner!
TWO!
But Diamond and the Mystic Ninja take him down with tandem top rope drop kicks!
THREE!
The bell rings, and the match is over. But there's some commotion at the timekeeper's table, as Morgan Smythe is holding up three fingers.
FRANK WARBURTON: Due to a pinfall count, your winners are...THE DECAPITATORS, THE NEW & IMPROVED NEW & IMPROVED D-X, AND MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
BILL HEWSON: All three teams are winners tonight, Jack!
JACK JONES: And they completely ruin my spread!
BILL HEWSON: I thought you didn't gamble any more.
JACK JONES: ...I don't?
Team Man haul out, Thor hugging Dan The Man in a manly embrace, Hm ho ho. Lance is weeping. But in the ring, six men are shaking hands, hitting corners, as the crowd cheer wildly! The Decapitotrs, The former Celtic Assassions NKA N&IN&ID-X, and of course, Mystic Exposition! Wrestling is fun!
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall set at a sixty-minute time limit, and it is for the New Alberta Professional Wrestling World Championship!
The chorus of boos light up the Polish Hall as "Surprise! You're Dead" plays, and Jake Phoenix walks out on the entrance way. He pauses, the Heritage Championship draped around his shoulder, and he looks around, nonchalantly, and then continues his stomp to the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challenger, he is the NAPW Heritage Champion, hailing from Fort Lauderdale, Florida---weighing in at two-hundred and eight-nine pounds, he is JAKE PHOENIX!
The 6-foot-9-er walks up the steel steps, and cracks his neck before stepping over the top rope, and unceremoniously dumping the Heritage Championship into the hands of Sharplin. Jake Phoenix tests the ring ropes, ignoring the fans disapproval, and stoops into the ring corner, awaiting his shot at the NAPW Champion. He won't have to wait long...
"When the Lights Go Out" instrumental plasters itself over the PA system the fans cheer the the NAPW World Champion as he steps out onto the entrance way. Rees looks through everyone, and right at Phoenix, unstrapping his championship at the top of the entrance way, and walks down with his eyes fixed.
FRANK WARBURTON: And the champion, hailing from Wabana, Bell Island, Newfoundland, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-seven pounds, he is "L-D-K" LLOYD REES!
He waltzes down the ramp, championship belt in hand, and slides in, looking at his World Championship possibly the last time as he hands it to the referee. The referee slings the championship belt up into the air, indicating which belt is on the line, and he hands it off to the ring crew on the outside and calls for the bell.
BILL HEWSON: There's the bell and this match is underway! And for everyone watching, you have to know this is going to be one hell of a match, because these two stars are tried and true, and there is so much riding on the line.
JACK JONES: Well it's clear to me and the Vegas line that Jake Phoenix is the clear favorite to take this one home.
BILL HEWSON: We're an independent "Canadian" wrestling promotion, how the hell does Vegas know anything about us?
JACK JONES: You're so short-sighted Bill, you probably even think that Darko has been WHOOPED.
BILL HEWSON: Well that's neither here nor there. But what is here right here, right now is the cold exchange between the champion LDK and Phoenix.
Jake is the first to walk to the center of the ring, looking loose and uncaring, waving LDK over. Rees is not slow to oblige, and he runs to the center with a quick jab to the face of Phoenix, followed by an elbow to the face, and---a block by Jake, followed by a wicked haymaker to Rees, sending him to the mat. LDK grabs his face, checking for blood, and secretly thanking Jake for not following up. Jake stands, unfaltering, challenging Rees once again.
BILL HEWSON: While Rees may have plenty of experience against bigger men in the ring, and he may have even been in the ring with this man at one time, there is no denying that when he hits you, it takes more out of you than you can imagine. If LDK wants to keep his title he's going to have to alter his style considerably.
Rees charges Jake, and Jake goes for a clothesline, Rees ducks and comes off the ropes, Jake turns around and attempts for a big boot, but LDK ducks, he comes off the opposite ropes and collides against Phoenix with a clothesline, but Jake stands unmoving. LDK off the ropes again and plows into the Heritage Champion---but still, nothing but a slight movement from Jake. Phoenix follows with a punch, but its ducked by the Lemon Drop Kid, and Rees hits a high-elevated standing drop kick, sending Jake reeling on the ropes. Rees jumps to his feet and runs up on the Heritage Champion, and dumps the near three-hundred pounder to the outside.
BILL HEWSON: Oh my! The NAPW Champion has just spilled Jake Phoenix to the outside with a mighty heave. You can blame it on speed or leverage, but ladies and gentlemen I think LDK just used heart to send a message to Jake Phoenix.
JACK JONES: Pop a Ritalin, Hewson, cause this match has only started. And really, I think all Rees has done is pissed Phoenix off.
Indeed, Phoenix is pissed off. The giant clutches the back of his head, and then launches himself into the ring, but before he can get to his feet the Lemon Drop Kid drives a knee to the back of his head, followed by several fists of fury, keeping the big man down. LDK locks on a front facelock on Phoenix.
BILL HEWSON: LDK is trying to keep Rees grounded with that front facelock. Really the only line of defense Rees has against Jake is his ability to keep opponents grounded.
Lloyd reels back, applying pressure to the neck and throat of Jake, but Jake pushes forward, trying to push his way out of the maneuver. LDK leans up and plants a knee right into the left shoulder and neck area of the Heritage Champion. Jake tries another attempt to push himself out and LDK slams another knee into the neck and shoulder of his opponent. Rees slams yet another knee into the neck and shoulder not out of necessity, but because he wants to---but this time it sets Jake off. As LDK goes for another knee, Jake catches the knee, and pushes it back, then forces himself up to his feet with Rees holding onto the front facelock.
BILL HEWSON: LDK is like a pitbull with that hold. He's refusing to let go, even with the dramatic change of leverage.
JACK JONES: So many sexual innuendoes, so few opportunities to plug them all in.
Jake struggles, trying to break free of the hold, and throws a wild right overhead at Rees---but Rees catches it, and grabs the jeans of Phoenix...
BILL HEWSON: No. Rees can't do it---
JACK JONES: You're right he can't... wait... what the?
BILL HEWSON: LDK is struggling, but he somehow has the near three hundred pounder lifted in the air! And a WABANA BUSTER! Very limited, and not from the top rope, but my god, Jake is going to feel that brainbuster for days to come . Rees covers---
ONE...
TW---KICKOUT!
JACK JONES: You see this is why LDK can't win this match. He got a fluke win over Jake before, stipulations in his favor, but lightning never strikes in the same place twice Bill! And no matter what heavy hits the Lemon Drop Kid can throw at the Phoenix, he'll always rise from the ashes.
BILL HEWSON: I'd give that one to you if it wasn't such cliche broadcasting.
LDK grabs a head of hair from Phoenix and drags him to a knee. The Newfoundlander swings behind, locking on part of the Conception Bay Chinlock. Jake immediately recognizes this exact position, and begins wriggling before LDK can throw on the grapevine scissors. The fans begin cheering "L-D-K", but it's short lived as Jake throws a hard right up to the jaw, unlocking the chinlock, and one more to send LDK back to his corner. Jake shakes off the pain, and steps up, he turns to LDK---Rees charges and runs into a hard left hook , sending him right to the mat.
BILL HEWSON: Wow! After a hard left hook, Rees is on the mat, wide-eyed and confused.
JACK JONES: You see that, that's why LDK doesn't stand a chance.
BILL HEWSON: Well that remains to be seen---OH! Jake just stomped on the face of Lloyd Rees. Now Jake has dropped to both knees, and is drilling LDK's face with rights and lefts! The referee is literally pulling the Heritage Champion off of the World Champion.
Jake smirks as LDK rolls on the mat, holding his face. As he pulls his hands away, blood spurts from his head and nose. Rees pulls himself up, wiping the blood from his eyes, and Jake Phoenix charges LDK in the corner. Rees dodges, Jake lands with a faceful of turnbuckle, and LDK jumps of on the back of the Phoenix, and locks on a sleeper. Jake steps back, face red and out of breath, and throws his (And LDK's) body to the ground, squashing LDK. Jake sits up, and looks at the fallen Lemon Drop, then stands, grasping LDK by the hair, and pulls him in for a short-arm clothesline.
JACK JONES: It's over this quickly.
ONE...
TW---KICKOUT.
Jake pulls LDK up, and whips him into the ropes, LDK comes back and Phoenix goes for a clothesline but LDK ducks and clutches the ropes---FRESH WATER FLIP! NO! Jake caught him, FALL AWAY SLAM! Jake turns and crawls over onto LDK, slides a hard cross face over and pins---
ONE...
TWO...
KICKOUT!
Jake looks at the referee and shakes his head, then punches LDK back down with the same crossface, and applies pressure to the shoulder he kicked out with.
ONE...
TWO...
KICKOUT!
Phoenix looks at the referee and slaps his hands fast, telling him the count was too slow. LDK stirs but Jakes slams down a forearm square to the face of Rees, followed by another, and another, and another. The blood of Rees is splattered all over the chest, arms, and even speckled on the face of Phoenix. Jake slams another hard crossface over, and pins.
ONE...
TW---KICKOUT!
JACK JONES: Somebody get Rees a tampon, he's going to bleed out!
Jake, slightly frustrated, grabs a fistful of Rees' hair and rips him off the ground. Before Rees can even get to both feet Jake slams a forearm into Rees' upper back. LDK falls to a knee but Jake rips him back up and pushes him into the corner. Rees dazed and confused looks onto Jake as he clutches Rees by the face, and then lets go and wipes Rees' blood across his chest.
BILL HEWSON: Uck, sick. Jake seems satisfied with rubbing the blood of Rees on his chest. And now here comes the rain of punches.
JACK JONES: Each punch is obliterating Rees, I love it Hewson, I LOVE IT!
BILL HEWSON: I'm pretty sure there was a certain Crimes period when you were a fan of LDK.
JACK JONES: Times change Hewson, get with the times! Jake Phoenix is hot and Rees is not.
After seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven punches, the referee literally pushes himself in between Phoenix and LDK to stop the assault. He warns Phoenix that another attack like that on the ropes will lead to a disqualification. Jake shakes off the referee and grabs LDK, irish whip...
But Rees doesn't make it, and falls flat on his bloodied Newfoundland face. Jake smiles and he struts over Rees, he bends down and grabs that fistful of hair from Rees once again---BUT REES THROWS HIS LEGS UP AROUND THE ARM AND NECK AND LOCKS ON A HARD TRIANGLE HOLD! Jake struggles, even throwing unbalanced lefts with his free hand at the ribs of LDK, but to no avail, DA TECHNICAL TERROR has the triangle hold locked in. As the struggle continues Jake eventually falls to a knee, losing oxygen and feeling the clench of the triangle hold.
BILL HEWSON: This could be it for Phoenix, Jack! We've seen him fall victim to the Lance Cove Leglock, now we could see him fall to a well scouted triangle hold!
JACK JONES: Triangle holds work well, Bill... when there isn't an almost one-hundred pound difference.
Jake continues to fight on, and finally he pushes through with his captured arm, and grabs the throat of Rees. Phoenix brings himself back up to both feet, and then diligently pulls Rees up in the air---and MODIFIED CHOKESLAM! Rees lays on the mat, broken and battered. Phoenix rubs his neck, and then pushes over LDK with a delayed pin.
ONE...
TWO...
THR---KICKOUT!
JACK JONES: Learn to count ref! We should be looking at the new NAPW World Champion.
BILL HEWSON: Well some may agree with you, but I think the count was fine, and it only shows the endurance it takes to be the World Champion.
Jake pulls Rees to his feet, looking at the referee with cold eyes. Phoenix signals to the crowd that it's over, and swings Rees around over onto his shoulder.
JACK JONES: I smell a Tombstone Piledriver, and a new World Champion, Bill!
BILL HEWSON: You may be right, but---OH! Rees with everything he has left in him has locked on the dragon sleeper portion of the Conception Bay Chinlock!
Rees lands on his feet, and Jake struggles to fight free. He throws rights and lefts that never land, and then attempts to wriggle free---but Rees jumps and drops him into the DDT From the Green! LDK holds the dragon sleeper portion in, and maneuvers his legs around, locking the grapevine, and the entire CONCEPTION BAY CHINLOCK!
BILL HEWSON: Jake Phoenix has only submitted once before, and it was to this very man Lloyd Rees! Could we see it again?!
JACK JONES: NO! Get up Jake! GET UP!
Jake comes to from the DDT, realizing the predicament he's in, and begins thrashing around. The referee even checks LDK's shoulders that are pressed to the mat---
ONE---
LDK pushes a shoulder up and attempts to hold the struggling Jake Phoenix in place. Jake attempts to throw elbows into the ribcage of Rees, but he can't quite hit the mark, and with each blow, LDK pulls back and cuts off more oxygen and limits more movement. The referee checks the shoulders of LDK once again---
ONE...
TWO...
LDK lifts a shoulder, and continues to wrench away on Jake. Phoenix begins a brash body assault, flailing his body, trying to break free of what could be the most painful hold in NAPW. Phoenix is trying to get out, using his long legs, trying everything, another count on Rees, ONE, TWO, he gets the shoulder up! Sharplin is focused on Phoenix... so focused he doesn't notice that Jake's big boot is underneath the bottom rope. Jake holds on, but even with the size, he's out of options.
PHOENIX TAPS OUT! PHOENIX TAPS OUT!
JACK JONES: WHAT THE HELL! NO! Hewson --- Hewson, Jake's foot was in the ropes! The hold should have been broken! Sharplin, you idiot!
BILL HEWSON: I think you may be right, but the referee in the ring has to make the call, and he saw Jake Phoenix submit to the Chinlock! Lloyd Rees will retain the World Title!
JACK JONES: This is bullshit! How the hell could the referee not see his foot outside the ring!
Rees rolls out from underneath Phoenix, and the Phoenix rolls outside of the ring onto his hands and knees, attempting to catch his breath.
FRANK WARBURTON: The winner of this match by submission, and STILL NEW ALBERTA PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING WORLD CHAMPION.... "LDK" LLOYD REEEEEEES!
Rees wipes his faces off on his shoulder, and then wearily walks over to the referee, and gets his hand raised in glory.
JACK JONES: Sharplin can burn in hell for this! Jake was supposed to walk away with this title, and he would have if we had referee's competent enough to do their job!
BILL HEWSON: Well Jack, there's seldom times I ever agree with you, but Jake's leg was hanging out of the ring, and the hold should have been broke with a five count. Something tells me Terry Brandon won't let this be the deciding factor between these two, but no matter the case --- tonight, Lloyd Rees is walking out STILL NAPW World Champion!
The crowd cheers the champion like crazy, so thrilled, so happy he could put away the Heritage Champion. Phoenix walks to the back, holding his neck, angry. Rees retains the title... but not without controversy. What happens now?
JACK JONES: By that point, I realized there was that, as a gentleman, there was only one thing I could do!
BILL HEWSON: You hid under the couch until she left, didn't you?
JACK JONES: Yes. No! Yes.
BILL HEWSON: Fantastic. Let's go to Frank to introduce the second half of our double main event!
Frank is in the ring, ready. The fans have seen a lot, they're exhausted. Do they have it in them to get crazy one more time?
"NOTE TO SELF, DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYONE!
NOTE TO SELF DON'T DIE!"
For this man? Oh yeah. They'll show their venom any time, any day. Smirking in his oh-so-infuriating way, a black clad individual steps through the curtain...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following is the second main event of the evening, and is a ONE TIME ONLY LEGENDS MATCH! Set for one fall at a sixty-minute time limit, there will be no disqualifications and no count-outs! The match can only end by a pinfall or submission! Introducing first, from right here in Edmonton Alberta... weighing in at two-hundred and thirteen pounds at a height of five-foot ten, he is a former three-time NAPW World Champion and the first TEAM Champion of Champions... ladies and gentlemen, one letter said REAL loud, THIS! IS! D!
Even being from Edmonton doesn't get him love. Hell, the fans hate him more for it. This douchebag is from our town? D! revels in it, walking to the ring in a snappy fashion, throwing one-liners out at fans, criss-crossing from side-to-side. His grin says it all. "I'M D! AND I OWN YOU!" He hits the ring and tells Frank something?
FRANK WARBURTON: Fans, D! would also like me to ... remind you that not only is he the greatest wrestler to ever grace NAPW, but he is really too good to be wrestling in front of all... sigh... of all you pricks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
So thank for for The X-Ecutioners.
"MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN! SICKER THAN SICK!"
Now we said the crowd asploded earlier.
They went crazy.
They went nuts.
But nothing --- NOTHING --- compares to the deafening, Road Warrior-esque pop that spontaneously erupts as ONE MAN steps the curtains. All past sins forgiven. Because by god...
FRANK WARBURTON: AND HIS OPPONENT! FROM PARTS UNKNOWN, NORTH CAROLINA! HE IS THE TWO-HUNDRED AND FORTY POUND SHITHAMMER, A FORMER TAG TEAM CHAMPION, FORMER NAPW WORLD CHAMPION, FORMER REBEL WORLD CHAMPION... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE REXELLENCE OF REXECUTION! THE MAN WHO SAVED LATIN! ONE HOT DAMN, GOOD GOD, PRETTY DAMN HANDSOME MAN... "THE NEXUS ONE!" REEEEEEEEEEX CALIBERRRRRRRR!
D! looks at Frank with a look of "what the hell was THAT?" Frank clearly enjoyed that as Rex Caliber stands at the top of the entrance way, hood pulled over his head. He flips it back, revealing the bald glory and handlebar mustache. Caliber walks to the ring, slapping hands. He comes to the ring, D! looking like he wants to GO... Caliber holds a finger up. He walks around the ring, slapping ALLLLL the hands at ringside and making D! WAIT. "Come on, get in already!" D! tells Rex to bring it, Rex looks ready to get in. WAIT! NO! BACK AROUND THE RING AGAIN, A CIRCLE AROUND RINGSIDE! THE FANS ARE GOING BANANA! D! grits his teeth in ultimate irritation, and then Rex looks out to his fans. "You people wanna see me beat his one letter ass?" "HELL YEAH!" Rex nods, grins, and dives in ---
D! CHARGES! THROWING RIGHT HANDS! Rex pulls up SHOOTS THE HANDS AWAY! CALIBER FIRES! Dick Kiebiech rings the bell to start this as Rex sends D! reeling backwards! Right! Right! D! is pinwheeling --- CALIBER WITH A CLOTHESLINE RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE! D! hits the floor as Rex yells to the fans. But he doesn't want to waste time, slides out and goes right after D! D! tries to get a shot, Rex blocks and fires him again! D! stumbles into the guardrail, Rex picks him up, atomic drop? ON THE GUARDRAIL! D!'s face tells the story as his little Dees hit metal! The crowd loves it as Rex shakes the guardrail back and forth, then clotheslines D! off it to the floor!
BILL HEWSON: No DQs, no count-outs, they can stay out there all night... but the pinfall or submission does have to happen in the ring! Rex Caliber showing us that he hasn't lost a step! OH another right hand! D! goes down!
JACK JONES: This isn't wrestling, this is just a brawl!
BILL HEWSON: THIS IS REX CALIBER, BITCH!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAAA?
BILL HEWSON: Sorry, got into the moment.
Rex whips D! into the guardrail again. CHARGE! D! gets a boot up to the face, Rex staggers backwards... NO! EXPLOSIVE CLOTHESLINE PUTS D! OVER THE GUARDRAIL! THE REX TRAIN ISN'T SLOWIN' DOWN FOR NO MAN! He reaches down to pull D! up D! DROPS! Snaps Rex throat first on the guardrail, and finally Rex is stopped! D! is gasping for breath, swearing, with a look of utter disdain for the circumstances. He swings over the guardrail and stomps on Rex. "YOU SAVED LATIN? LATIN'S DEAD, YOU MORON!" Stompy stomp stomp. D! looks out over the fans, twisted grin in place. He kicks Rex good in the back of the head, then grabs the ring steps. What's he doing? D! pulls the top half off and sets it down in the corner of the ringside area. IRISH WHIP -- REX COUNTERS! DROP TOE HOLD, D! HITS THE RING STEPS FACE FIRST! Caliber picks D! up, hooks the arm... SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! HOLY HELL! D! shoots up in pain, hand to his back, but gets no rest as Rex picks him up and beales him into the ring! D! crawling to the other side, reaching out with one hand, but Caliber picks him up from behind! Rear waist lock means RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!
JACK JONES: Well, at least they're in the ring!
BILL HEWSON: A german Suplex by REX! Nobody in the business throws that like he does, and D! could be dead! WAIT A MINUTE! REX GOING FOR THE RINGS! JUST LIKE THAT --- D! FIGHTS FOR THE ROPES! It could've been over like *that*!
JACK JONES: Spare me the Caliber ass-kissing, Hewson! Rex won't get D! this easily, because D!... has a plan. He ALWAYS has a plan, because he's ALWAYS... in control!
Rex pulls D! up, shoots him to the corner. D! stumbles out, Rex CHOPS him and knocks him down! Carolina style baby, and now we go to work! D! up, CHOPPED down! Bumps ahoy! Caliber picks D! up by one arm, head underneath, half-back body drop almost drops D! on his head! Rex floats over into a pin, ONE, TWO, D! kicks out! Caliber hooks D!, D! fights to his feet. Ooh, shot to the gut. Another shot! D! gets free, runs the ropes ---
BELLY TO BELLY THROW SUPLEX! D! hits the canvas and rolls to the outside!
BILL HEWSON: He sure LOOKS in control, Jack Attack! WAIT A MINUTE HERE COMES REX! Is he going UP TOP, NO WAY ---
JACK JONES: That coward!
BILL HEWSON: Rex dekes D! out! AND WHAT A RIGHT HAND!
Rex faked a dive off the top, but REXY AIN'T NEED TO HIGH-FLY! D! flinches and gets the hell out of the way, only for Rex to drop to the canvas, jump out and knock him on his ass! D! trying to beg off, Rex grabs him by the hair, IRISH WHIP --- D! reverses! Rex hits the side of the ring! D! charges in with a clothesline, Rex blocks him! Throws a right hand, what's this? POWERBOMB ON THE CORNER OF THE RING NO D! COUNTERS WITH A DDT DRIVING REX'S HEAD INTO THE CORNER OF THE RING! GOOD GOD! And now Rex is down! D! leans back, breathing hard, he's finally bought himself a chance!
JACK JONES: ALWAYS in control, Bill Hewson!
BILL HEWSON: A tremendous counter to what could have been a match-ending powerbomb from D!! Never take anything away from him, D! is a tremendous athlete, a fierce competitor... he's just the biggest dickhead since Chris Casino!
D! gets up, grabs Rex... what's this? Rex fighting, but D! scoops his feet out! He cinches the thighs in... CATAPULTS REX HEAD-FIRST INTO THE RING POST! Rex's cranium clangs off the steel and he hits the canvas hard as D! eggs the crowd on, goading them into booing him heavily. Rex gets up... and he's busted wide open from the impact. D! comes in, sees the blood, and grins. He rolls Rex into the ring. D! stomps on Rex's head, hits the ropes, running knee! Rex hits the canvas and D! goes to the wound! Reverse chin lock? No, D! is clawing at the forehead of Caliber! Nothing the referee can do, it's no disqualification! Rex pulled up, shot into the turnbuckle hard! Caliber EXPLODES OUT WITH A LARIAT --- D! ducks! Rex turns around, tries to boot D! in the gut, CAUGHT --- DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP! Rex grabs his knee in pain but D! grabs a leg and hauls him up, Dragon Screw! Another time, DRAGON SCREW! Caliber's knee in pain as D! kicks it, holds it, raises up and DRIVES his own knee into Rex's! The leg has become a target!
D! "whooooos" the crowd like a jerk. "Come on, Carolina boy, you know what this is all about!" Rex tries to fight away, but D! savagely plants his flame-detailed Harley boot right in the face. The blood is pouring freely from Caliber's forehead, staining his dark skin and the white ring canvas. D! places the leg on the bottom rope, leaps up and crashes down on it. Rex groaning in pain. "oh God, awww, oh shit, ah". D! pulls Rex up... shinbreaker, right on the point of the knee. Geez. Caliber in pain as D! hooks a basic leg hold, which might as well be agony for Rex at this point. He drives the point of his elbow into the knee... wait! Rex smashes D! across the face! Another shot! D! forced to let go as Rex is trying to get some fire going! Another shot staggers D!, Rex tries to run the ropes but D!, quick as a cat, chopblocks the knee from behind! Rex goes down, and then D! grabs it. On the North Carolina native, D! hooks in ... THE FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!
BILL HEWSON: I thought D! was setting Rex up for Pleasant Cycling, but no! He's going for the figure-four leglock, the move so associated with North Carolina's legendary Ric Flair!
JACK JONES: Not only is he going to beat Rex Caliber, he's going to humiliate him in the process! This is great! Boy, D! turned out to be a great guy!
BILL HEWSON: You're a sick, sick man! Caliber in so much pain from the figure-four on his damaged leg! This could be over right here! Wait ONE, TWO... Rex gets the shoulders up! He has to deal with the pain, he has to be careful not to get his shoulders counted down on the mat!
Rex is in pain as D! cinches the hold, slapping the mat to add to the agony. "Check him, ref!" Kiebiech gets in close to Rex to watch for pinfalls or submissions... and D! slowly, carefully, craftily reaches out with his hands to grab the bottom rope for added leverage, making the hold more painful and virtually impossible to counter! The crowd is giving D! nuclear heat! He lets go right before Kiebiech looks up. Dick looks suspicious, but D! assures him nothing was going on. Kiebiech right back to Rex's head, one, two, Rex gets up again. And AGAIN D! grabs the bottom rope! Unbelievable --- KIEBIECH CATCHES HIM! Dick wants a break! D! won't let go of the ropes, Dick KICKS the hands away and tells D! to break the damn hold! There are no DQs, but the submission won't count in the ropes.
BILL HEWSON: Rex is out of the figure-four, but the damage has been done! How much can Rex do with his knee in this condition? And oh come on! D! going right back for the move INSIDE CRADLE ONE! TWO! D! kicks out! And he drops an ELBOW on the knee! For the love of GOD, NO! HERE IT IS! PLEASANT CYCLING IS LOCKED ON!
JACK JONES: Hahaha! These fans thought Rex had a chance, but they've been DENIED! Say good-night, Rex! Good riddance!
D! has it locked on! Caliber is roaring in pain as D! leans back on the crab, face twisted. "TAP! TAP! TAP OUT DAMN YOU!" Caliber looks like he is ready to tap out, his hand is raised up... NO! HE MAKES A FIST! Blood pouring from his forehead, Caliber reaches out! Can he possibly, somehow he's moving his body! "REX REX REX REX REX REX!"
HE REACHES
D! PULLS
Can't --- get --- the --- NNNNN!
REX HAS THE BOTTOM ROPE! But D! refuses to break the hold! He stares balefully at Kiebiech. "DISQUALIFY ME REF, OH YOU CAN'T!" Kiebiech knows this, but he screams "The match won't end! Break the hold, D! Get off the man!" D! won't do anything, so Kiebiech PHYSICALLY gets involved and tries to pull D! off oh no. D! is suddenly furious, staring down at Kiebiech.
BILL HEWSON: He's got his hands on the referee! Who does this son of a bitch think he IS?
JACK JONES: You don't know, Hewson? He's ONE LETTER, SAID REAL LOUD ---
BILL HEWSON: REX CALIBER!
JACK JONES: That's four syllables, Hewson AUGH!
BILL HEWSON: REX IS ALIVE! THROWING EVERYTHING HE HAS AT D! RIGHT HANDS! RIGHT HANDS! D! GETTING CLOBBERED! D! goes to the eyes, dammit, irish whip, SPINEBUSTER COMING UP --- RUNNING STO FROM REX! REX TAKES D! DOWN! Caliber COVERS! ONE! TWO! THD!KICKEDOUT, HE KICKED OUT!
JACK JONES: OH THANK YOU!
Rex trying to shake off the pain, get the adrenaline rush going to deaden the pain in his leg! He gets up, looks to the crowd, and signals that it's time for a PLANETARY COLLISION! D! is getting up, holding his head, Rex boots him in the gut! STYLES CLASH CONNECTS! IT'S OVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!
REX WINS! REX WINS ---
JACK JONES: HEWSON! D! GOT HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! And THIS referee saw it!
BILL HEWSON: At the LAST split second D! gets his foot on the bottom rope, my God! Caliber thinks he's won, but Kiebiech is telling him --- yes, he counted three, but saw the foot at the last second! Caliber can't believe it, BEHIND YOU! OH COME ON! D! WAITING! NO! SPINEBUSTER! ONE! TWO! REX KICKS OUT!
And that's IT. D! grabs him for the NYQUIL SPIKE --- Rex fights out! What the --- GERMAN SUPLEX! D! flies 360 through the air and lands on his belly, and Rex is there! He grabs the legs, going for the... wait, no, it's NOT the Nexus Cloverleaf!
It's a move Alberta loves! A move Alberta will always remember
THE SHARPSHOOTER IS APPLIED... 240 POUND SHITHAMMER CALIBER! D! IS SCREAMING IN PAIN!
BILL HEWSON: Rex cinching back with all his might! D! has to think about giving this up, the pain he's in must be unbearable, my God!
JACK JONES No! Not to this move! Not here!
D! looks ready to tap! Rex pulls back, yelling through his crimson mask! D! looks ready to tap... no! He smacks the mat once, but doesn't tap out! D! pulling for all he's worth, clawing, scratching... HE CAN'T MAKE IT! HE'S GOING TO TAP!
NO! One last lunge and D! is free! But he keeps GOING, tumbling to the outside! He detangles from Rex awkwardly. Rex shakes his hurt leg free, wincing, and then rolls to the outside where D! is crawling almost into Warburton's lap at the timekeeper's table. Rex grabs D!
DING!
D! BLASTS HIM WITH THE RING BELL!
Rex goes down, collapsing on top of the table. D! stands up, looking out over the crowd with narrowed eyebrows, mouth open in a diabolical grin. And then he goes... up.
BILL HEWSON: D! has laid out Rex Caliber with the ring bell, and now he's going up top? D! doesn't usually go to the top rope, Jack Attack ---
JACK JONES: If he's going to the top rope, Hewson, that can only mean one move, one move that will spell the end for "The Nexus One" FOREVER!
BILL HEWSON: It can't be! Not the