Surrey, BC, the Bridgeview Hall - because you see, it looks out to the main entrance to Vancouver, the Port Mann bridge! It's a gray night, unfortunately the weekend sunshine has vanished, but that hasn't stopped a few hundred wrestling fans from turning out to see NAPW make their west coast return! The crowd is amped and ready for action as Frank Warburton hits the ring.
FRANK WARBURTON: Surrey, BC, are you ready for the RETURN of NAPW to the west coast?
Well, YEAH.
FRANK WARBURTON: Then welcome to NAPW T A G S T R A V A G A N Z A III! Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall---
Frank Warburton is interrupted, as "Kings and Queens" by Aerosmith cues up. A few fans pop solely out of recognizing a REBEL theme song, some fans not only recognize the song but know who it belongs to, so they boo. And some fans just simply do not react at all. Enrique Rodriguez is the first to come out from behind the curtain. He is wearing green tights with blue lightning bolts down either side of both legs and white T-shirt that is clearly too small for him. The front says 'N&I C.A.B.S.' The back says 'RODRIGUEZ 02' as if it was a jersey. The Hispanic cruiserweight runs his fingers down his sideburns, smiles at the crowd, then brings a microphone to his lips as he walks slowly down the rampway.
RODRIGUEZ: Hello, hello, British Columbia! Hello, hello, NAPW!
The reaction stays the same. Enrique looks surprised.
RODRIGUEZ: I am ENRIQUE RODRIGUEZ!
The reaction does not change. Rodriguez stops walking down the aisle, turns back towards the curtain and signals for back-up.
RODRIGUEZ: I am one half of the DOMINANT tag team down south in REBEL PRO! The NATION... of INNOVATION!
No change from the crowd.
RODRIGUEZ: We're the ones who re-started C.A.B.S.! We've come here to the NAPW for PURE wrestling!
More fans are booing now, those that remember C.A.B.S. and do not wish to see the again, in any incarnation. Rodriguez talks softer into the mic., looking back at the curtain.
RODRIGUEZ: Well, no choice in introducing all of ya'll one on one, they don't know us!
First, TONY comes out, wearing the N&I C.A.B.S. t-shirt (except he's number 03) over a green wrestling singlet and a NAPW baseball hat. He raises his arm to no effect. One fan yells "TONY!!!" but the looks from the fans near him quickly quiet him. TONY looks embarrassed that he has not come to a hero's welcome, but is then able to convince himself that the minimal boos mixed with the utter silence are actually a sign of immense popularity. This allows him to begin smiling and pumping his fists as he catches up to Enrique.
Next comes out Alan the Janitor, the newest yet oldest member of the New and Improved C.A.B.S., who is pushing a mop bucket. It is unknown if he also got a job cleaning up Bridgeview Hall or if it is just part of his get-up. He keeps his head down as he proceeds down the aisle, never once looking up at the crowd. 'ALAN 05.'
And now it's TONY'S MOM who is wearing her typical purple sweatsuit, except for a C.A.B.S. T-shirt that is already starting to rip. 'TONY'S MOM 04.' She breathes heavy as she staggers down the aisle, attempting to flirt with every male fan she passes. To no avail.
And last, and perhaps least, it is DAINES 0ONE! He comes out, looking serious, not really caring that no one recognizes them or that no one cares. He rubs his fingers in his goatee, looking skeptically out at the crowd. He joins the rest of the New and Improved C.A.B.S. in the ring. Enrique is about to speak, but TONY grabs the mic.from him. TONY is about to speak, but Jeremy Daines grabs the mic first.
DAINES: You know what, on the trip up from Raleigh to Surrey, I was excited to be introduced to NAPW, to be able to see this promotion up close. This promotion that I have looked up to and tried to model REBEL Pro after. But, I show up here, and find out that later tonight there's a so-called "SUPERSTAR RULES" match... which apparently means LEGALIZED GARBAGE wrestling.
Some fans pop for the mention of the upcoming match while others boo Daines' disrespecting it.
DAINES: NAPW has DEVOLVED into the same state that REBEL exists in... and there's only one solution. And that, my friends, is a C.A.B.S. solution. I am also confused with what is being promoted by the Worker's Guild of Alberta. I have evidence that they are involved in the making of a movie...a HORROR movie!
He waits for a reaction, but does not get it.
DAINES: Well, I suppose, like the REBEL fans, you are all going to have to be taught. In time, my friends, you will see the error of your ways and the truth behind the message of C.A.B.S.! We are here to be athletes, to be wrestlers, not to promote garbage wrestling and certainly not to make movies that will warp the minds of small children and lead them down a path of drugs, premarital sex, illegal immigration and socialized medicine!
A lot of fans just start booing, mostly due to being irritated. On a night of such great matches, why must they sit through this? Enrique grabs the microphone. TONY tries to take it from him but Enrique raises a fist to TONY and he backs off.
RODRIGUEZ: The bottom line is this, mis amigos. My buddy, Jer, and I, are the two most innovative wrestlers on the independent wrestling scene today. The Nation of Innovation declared war on the REBEL Pro tag division and tore it up, completely obliterated those jabroni macaronis. Now we're here, in NAPW, ready to spread the war here.
Jeremy takes the mic from Enrique.
DAINES: What my partner means is this is a CULTURAL WAR we are fighting. And we plan on starting with the W.G.A. and proving to them that we are the dominant ideological force in NAPW! We will not allow the W.G.A. to spread their horror movie-making, communist propagandizing filth anymore! Thank you, you've been a rude audience, but you will learn your manners soon enough. C.A.B.S., let's GO!
"Kings and Queens" cues up again as the fivesome makes their way out of the ring. Enrique argues with a fan at ringside but Jeremy gets in between them and prevents it from escalating. TONY continues to pretend he is being cheered. TONY's MOM decides that she is going to try to sleep with her first Canadian man later, but is unable to find one on her way down the aisle. Alan the Janitor just keeps his head down, pushing the mop bucket.
BILL HEWSON: Welcome everyone to NAPW T A G S T R A V A G A N Z A III. I'm Bill Hewson alongside Jack "Attack" Jones, and quite the surprise to start the show. REBEL Pro's Nation of Innovation have come to NAPW!
JACK JONES: I for one couldn't be happier, the New & Improved CABS will clean up this stinky joint. Maybe they'll start with YOU.
BILL HEWSON: ... Tonight is a special card, focusing on something near & dear to NAPW. Tag team wrestling! Every match will be a tag team contest, highlighted by the annual Tagstravanza gauntlet match. The tag titles will be on the line! As well, the NAPW World Champion DAN RYAN will on hand, as will the new REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Champion LLOYD REES... those two men will sign the contract for their title match next week. But now, for real, let's go to Frank for our first match-up!
We hear "My Old Kentucky Home," the old theme of the Bluegrass Mafia. Chad Kurtis, Matt Kurtis and Lyndsey enter through the curtains and the crowd goes wild. They love them some Chad Kurtis, even if Matt is with him. Chad shows love to the crowd, and Matt just eases to the ring, not blinking. No reaction to the fans.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is set for one fall, and has a thirty minute time limit. Introducing first, they are teaming once again for ONE NIGHT ONLY! They are former NAPW Tag Team Champions. At a combined weight of five hundred forty five pounds. The team of "The Bluegrass Badass" Matthew Kurtis, and "The Show" Chad Kurtis... collectively known as THE BLUE! GRASS! MAFIA!
"I WANT EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM TO KNOW... YOU CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
And the boos rain on Prince W. Darko. He is draped in the Zamunda Flag. He is already yelling "Can't Whoop Me"! He is by himself. The fans are at near riot status as he cusses out everyone near the guardrail. He brings out a mic.
PRINCE W. DARKO: You guys can say all that shit, and it don't mean SHIT! You guys are the gum on the bottom of my Zamunda hand crafted wrestling boots. You can all kiss my Royal ass! I have came here tonight, banned from REBEL, ready to break another mother f*ckin' neck. I don't need Frankie Warchest to announce my partner. I can do it. I am proud to present to you, from the Kingdom of Zamunda... three hundred and ten mother f*ckin' pounds... KEVIN... "KBOND"... BONDSWORTH. Let's get this shit on.. I'm ready to whoop some MOTHER F*CKIN' ASS!
BILL HEWSON: This match is on!
JACK JONES: Great, just when I got my nachos brought in.
Morgan Smythe calls for the bell. Prince Darko is strutting around and will start for his team. Chad Kurtis stomps the mat a few times, claps his hands and the crowd starts up a BGM chant. Darko retaliates with a "Can't Whoop Us" directed right at Chad Kurtis. Chad and Darko lock up and Darko hits the mat quickly, as Chad pushes him down. Chad drops down an elbow quickly. Darko is smothered with a headlock. Darko reaches for the ropes and yells for Morgan Smythe to get Chad off of him. She does as soon as Darko reaches the ropes. Chad lets him up cleanly. Darko is complaining that his hair was pulled. The crowd boos at this, and Darko tells them all to kiss his ass. Darko steps up for another lock up, and is heel tripped and sent to the mat. Chad Kurtis drops down a leg drop. He goes for the pin and gets a two count, with Darko kicking out. Darko isn't let up and is quickly hit with a standing moonsault. Darko writhes in pain and rolls outside the ring. He is asking for a time out, but isn't going to get one.
JACK JONES: Darko has two time-outs left this quarter!
BILL HEWSON: What the hell are you talking about?
JACK JONES: Thirty minute time limit, divide it by four, you get seven and half minutes. Come'on don't you know anything?
Morgan gets her count up to nine and Darko rolls in, then rolls out. Morgan has to restart her count, as the crowd lets Prince Darko know how much they hate him. He responds with, "KBOND! These f*ckers wanna get hurt!" Darko gets back in as Lyndsey gets the crowd chanting "Darko Sucks". He sneaks in his own corner and yells to the fans... "YOU WANT KBOND?" Chad Kurtis tells him "Bring his big ass on". KBOND tags in and Chad wastes no time drop kicking him... but KBOND doesn't budge. Chad hits the mat and just looks up to see the huge man standing still. Chad gets up and tries to shoot on KBOND legs but is nailed in the back. Chad is picked up and SLAMMED hard on the mat. He picks up the hurting Chad, and Irish Whips into the ropes, off the rebound Chad is thrown in the air and caught for the ZAMUNDA DROP! His version of a Samoan Drop. Darko wants to get back in. He tags KBOND and gets in the ring to smack Chad around. Prince Darko is feeling cocky now, and Irish Whips Chad into the ropes. Matt Kurtis blind tags Chad and Morgan sees it. Chad gets clotheslined down and Darko celebrates... "SHOW CAN'T WHOOP ME!"
BILL HEWSON: Maybe he can't but lets see if his brother Matt can.
JACK JONES: No chance, he has KBOND on his team man, KBOND!
He doesn't see Matt Kurtis. He taps him on the shoulder, and the ground goes wild as he turns around and gets booted in the stomach. Wait, no way. Not this early ---
BLUEGRASS BOMB! IT HITS...
The count...
ONE
TWO
KBOND WITH A BOOT TO MATT'S HEAD! He drags Darko to his corner and they tag. Matt is up, pissed and well.. Matt Kurtis! KBOND is in, nasty and ready to rumble. They go nose to nose, and the crowd goes wild. Matt goes off the ropes and charges into KBOND... they stay up. KBOND hits the ropes charges into Matt Kurtis... NO ONE GOES DOWN. The crowd is chanting BGM! BGM! Matt Kurtis ignores the fans, ignores Lyndsey's chants. They lock up and no one can get an advantage. They break it off, and KBOND goes for a right hand, and it's blocked. Matt reels off one of his and KBOND barely moves. KBOND responds, it's blocked and the crowd cheers as Matt nails KBOND again. KBOND doesn't move and they lock up again. No one is getting an advantage but here comes Darko into the ring. The boos start up as he trips Matt Kurtis. Morgan yells at him and gives him a five count to exit the ring. He does so at the count of four. KBOND lands a few stiff, really stiff kicks to Matt's back and head. Darko wants in, and KBOND Obliges.
BILL HEWSON: Convenient that Darko wants in, AFTER Matt gets taken down, due to his inteference.
JACK JONES: Darko is just fired up to Whoop someone. He isn't a cheap shot artist.
Darko gets on the top rope, gets KBOND to stand there, and off KBOND's shoulders, Darko nails JUST PERFECTION. They call the combination move the A.O.B. - Matt Kurtis got nailed! Darko applies the Zamunda Yoke. He has a problem getting it on the big man. Lyndsey is cheering on Matt. Chad is clapping for Matt. Matt fights off another attempt at the Zamunda Yoke. The crowd is clearly wanting to see Darko get stomped. Matt gets up, despite being pounded in the back with punches and forearms. Matt tags in Chad. Chad comes in and nails Darko with a right hand. Darko gets up quickly and is nailed with drop kick. Darko flies across the ring, and lands near his corner. He doesn't hesitate tagging in KBOND. KBOND enters and Chad hears Matt wanting back in. He doesn't get the chance as KBOND charges with a clothesline.
JACK JONES: KBOND is a monster. This man could be the next great big man in Canadian Wrestling history. I think I was the last REAL giant here.
BILL HEWSON: Having a beer gut doesn't constitute being a giant.
KBOND throws Chad Kurtis into a neutral corner and SPLASHES HIM HARD! Chad staggers out and BEAR HUG... WAIT, BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX AS WELL. Darko wants in. KBOND goes to tag him. Matt Kurtis in the ring and drags the Show to the BGM corner. Darko in, Matt Kurtis in. KBOND and Chad still in. Chad trying to get up and KBOND CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER. Matt Kurtis clubs Darko down to the mat. KBOND goes to his corner trying to get Lyndsey to back up. He gets in her face and she isn't backing up. Chad is trying to get up. Wait, out from the back comes DAN MILLER!
BILL HEWSON: What in the hell is he doing down here?
JACK JONES: Chad ignored him all week, and he is going to get his attention!
Indeed Dan is. He gets behind Chad Kurtis. Lyndsey is jawing at KBOND. Darko gets slammed by Matt Kurtis. Chad gets on the apron and is looking for a Spring Board move... MILLER GRABS HIS LEG, CHAD HITS THE CONCRETE HARD! He holds his knee. Dan Miller flexes his muscles at the Show, and smiles.
JONOTHAN KURTIS FROM THE BACK! He chases Dan Miller away and checks on Kurtis. Morgan Smythe is checking on Kurtis as well. KBOND in the ring as Matt Kurtis has Darko up for the BLUEGRASS BOMB AGAIN! KBOND nails him in the knee. Kurtis is down. He gets picked up by KBOND. He hoists the Three Hundred Fifteen pound Kurtis brother up. Chad is getting helped to the back. FALLAWAY SLAM. Darko off the top and crossbodies into KBOND's back, they crash onto Matt Kurtis.
JACK JONES: They call that move the Z.C!
BILL HEWSON: Zamunda Crush, and how!
Morgan Smythe slides in the ring to get in position.
ONE
TWO
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the match... PRINCE W. DARKO AND KEVIN "KBOND" BONDSWORTH!
Matt lays in the middle of the ring, as Darko and KBOND leave. Darko is flipping off the crowd, telling them all, I TOLD YOU, NO ONE CAN WHOOP US! The crowd gives him what-for.
BILL HEWSON: I don't like how they did it, but a significant win nonetheless for Prince Darko and "KBOND." I think Chad Kurtis is hurt, Jack Attack... damn that Dan Miller! What is his problem?
JACK JONES: Ask him. He'll tell you.
BILL HEWSON: This isn't the way Matthew Kurtis wanted to go into his Heritage Title match next week... Darko & KBOND, your winners.
JACK JONES: And then that's when I realized that pants are only shackles created by "The Man" to keep us down...
BILL HEWSON: So you're not going to put them back on, are you?
JACK JONES: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
BILL HEWSON: Yes. I'd like that a lot.
"SURPRISE! YOU'RE DEAD!"
Ah Jake Phoenix. Eases the awkwardness...
FRANK WARBURTON: The following Tag Team match is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, from Fort Lauderdale, Florida... he weighs in at two hundred and eighty nine pounds! The NAPW Heritage Champion JAKE PHOENIX!
The fans boo the monster, who doesn't look all that happy to be in this match tonight. Not with the partner he's been given...
"NOTE TO SELF DON'T DIE!"
The one letter superstar emerges from the curtains to a chorus of boos, and a sea of middle finger salutes from the fans. D! looks out, scowling.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner, from Edmonton, Alberta! Weighing in at two hundred and thirteen pounds... This is D!
The reception, not surprisingly, is a hostile one. D! tries his best to block it out, instead going to Phoenix and giving him some pointers for the match. The Heritage champion looks less than amused or interested, instead trying to keep an eye on the ring entrance for their opponents.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! First, making his way to the ring, from Ottawa, Ontario! He weighs two hundred and fifteen pounds! TRENT DANIELS!
Daniels earns a huge pop from the fans, especially his Street Team gathered near the front row. It starts small, with Daniels, but the Street Team picks up on it, and it spreads and takes over the building. Two words..
D!
SUCKS!
Chanted over and over. D! glares a hole through Daniels as Closure takes over the speakers...
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner. From Parts Unknown, British Columbia, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds... "THE FALCON" JACOB VENAR!
Another hug pop which dies down once Venar emerges from the curtains wearing a black motorcycle helmet.
JACK JONES: Okay...
Daniels looks at his partner with a bit of confusion, but there's no time to question anything, as he slides into the ring and makes a beeline for D! Daniels is in as well, and goes for Phoenix, as referee Morgan Smythe calls for the bell! Phoenix lands a clubbing blow to the ribs of Daniels, then tosses him across the ring! D! is trying to get the helmet off of Venar, as is referee Smythe, who keeps insisting "You can't wrestle in that!" Phoenix comes over, and drives his forearm into the back of Venar, and now HE's trying to get the helmet off! Venar can be heard screaming like a wild man, as he lashes out with kicks to D!, Phoenix, narrowly misses Smythe (or this match would be over EARLY) and manages to slip out of the corner, and towards his partner, who has managed to regain his feet.
Daniels tries to gather some clue as to what Venar is up to, but before he can ask anything, Venar charges at D! again, and takes him down with a double leg takedown. D! blocks most of the punches, scores an arm bar, and rolls Venar onto his stomach. Phoenix and D! work to get the helmet off of Venar! Daniels charges into help his partner, but gets a boot to the gut from Phoenix...
BILL HEWSON: Daniels being held back by those injured ribs...
JACK JONES: Daniels being held back by a psychotic partner!
Finally the helmet is off, and Venar yells in anger, attacking Phoenix with a flurry of left and rights. Daniels goes after D!, taking him down with an arm drag. He drops onto D! for a cover, D! kicks out before there is even a count, and takes Daniels down with an arm drag of his own. D! locks his legs around Daniels midsection and squeezes, trying to drive the air out of his opponent. Venar is trying desperately to take Phoenix down with a guillotine choke, but Phoenix is too strong, and tosses Venar over the top rope to the floor! Daniels manages to get his arm between D!'s leg and his midsection, breaking the painful body scissors, and allowing Daniels to leap onto D! with a headlock...
Until Phoenix comes over and stomps on Daniels ribs once more. Daniels releases the hold and crawls over to his corner. D! instructs Phoenix to get back to his corner, and pursues his opponent.
BILL HEWSON: I don't think Phoenix is appreciating all this "guidance".
JACK JONES: D! has a lot of wisdom to offer...
Phoenix glares at D!, but goes to his corner. Finally order is restored. Daniels looks for his partner to make a tag, but Venar hasn't made his way back there yet. In fact, he tries to drag Phoenix off the ring apron! Phoenix tries to kick him off, but Venar is obsessed with fighting tonight! Smythe goes over to break it up, and D! seizes the opportunity to drive several boots into the injured ribs of Daniels, before tossing him chest first into the turnbuckles! Daniels goes down, and D! covers, only there's no ref to make the count!
D! gets up to yell at Smythe, but gets surprised by a roll up! Daniels goes for a pin, but again, no Smythe! Phoenix gets fed up and drops down to the floor to fight Venar, who is screaming with fury, and tries to ram Phoenix into the ring post! Phoenix reverses, and Venar goes flying! The Falcon hits the mat with a thud, and Phoenix goes back to his corner, only to see Daniels trying to lock D! up with a Texas Cloverleaf.
BILL HEWSON: Daniels playing more of a mat game tonight! He can't afford to take risks with those injured ribs!
JACK JONES: Or a crazy partner! Where is Venar anyways?
Venar has finally made his way to his corner, and he watches as Daniels tries to get D! in a submission predicament! D! fights the move, getting his boot under Daniels jaw and kicking him off! Daniels stumbles into the wrong corner, and Phoenix wraps his arm around Daniels throat and drives his fist into the ribs of the former Heritage champion! Venar races in to break it up, but gets intercepted by Smythe! D! gets a running start and drives his knee into Daniels midsection!
SMACK
Phoenix tags in. Slapping D! on the back. Smythe didn't hear the tag, but there's no doubt she heard it. Phoenix steps over the top rope and hauls Daniels to his feet, then takes him back down with a short arm clothesline! He drops a huge elbow, and goes for a cover! One.. two.. Daniels kicks out! Phoenix slaps on a headlock, then puts all his weight into the hold, pinning Daniels to the mat, and driving the air out of him. Daniels isn't strong enough to roll Phoenix over (even if his ribs weren't injured) but he manges to reach out and grab the bottom rope. Phoenix releases the hold, drags Daniels back to his feet, then whips him to the turnbuckles! He charges in after him, landing a huge clothesline, followed by repeated punches to the face!
The Heritage champion showing no mercy here, trying to beat Daniels unconscious! He stops the assault, allowing Daniels to stagger put of the corner, then hits him with a huge bodyslam! he covers! One.. two.. Daniels gets a shoulder up at the last second! D! shouts for Phoenix to make a tag! Phoenix drags Daniels to the corner, where D! has his arm outstretched. Just as Phoenix is about to tag, he turns around and clobbers Daniels with a stiff right hand! Phoenix just smirks at his partner, and goes back to his crumpled opponent. He tries to drag him up, but Daniels is limp. He uses both hands to drag him up
Daniels with a snap kick to the thigh! Sweeping kick to the calf! Spin Kick to the knee! The Ottawa trios has Phoenix staggered! But he doesn't go down! Daniels chop blocks the knee he just kicked, but Phoenix still doesn't go down! Daniels getting his second wind, landing a discus elbow smash! Phoenix stumbles to his corner, where D! slaps him on the shoulder and tags in! Daniels is ready for him...
Venar races in and charges D! Smythe tries to head him off, but Venar sidesteps and attacks D! with punches...
JACK JONES: That idiot needs to stay in his corner and wait for a tag! He's not doing Daniels any favors right now!
BILL HEWSON: For once I agree!
Daniels tries to get Venar to go back to their corner, but Venar does not seem to be listening. Finally Smythe gets him to back off, but not before D! can sneak a cheap shot to Daniels' ribs! Daniels looks to be bleeding from the mouth as D! picks him up for a suplex! Daniels crashes to the mat and D! floats over for a cover! One.. two.. Daniels gets a shoulder up!
D! gets a basement dropkick to his still downed foe, then drops a series of elbows across the injured ribs of Daniels! He goes for another cover, but Venar is in to break up the count! And he stays to lay in on D! with more punches! Phoenix has had enough! He steps into the ring and lays Venar out with a big boot! D! tries to argue that he didn't need the help... Phoenix picks D! up and drops him on Venar! And now he picks Daniels up and drops him on Venar! D! is angry now, but Phoenix just goes back to his corner, having done the damage he needed to help his partner. D! glares at Phoenix, allowing Daniels to get a school boy cover! One.. two.. D! kicks out, then springs up and nails Daniels with a clothesline!
BILL HEWSON: Trent Daniels virtually fighting a handicap match in this one. Everytime he gets some momentum, D! or Phoenix cut him right off.
JACK JONES: And that's why they're WINNERS, Hewson.
D! now goes for another cover, but Daniels gets his foot on the bottom rope. D! gets a handful of hair and pulls Daniels up, but Daniels fights back with some weak punches to the midsection. The fans cheer Daniels on, as he seems to be on his own this night! Venar looks to have murder in his eyes as he waits to be tagged into the match! D! punches Daniels in the head, trying to end any hopes of a comeback. Daniels does not back down, as he builds on the fans support, and punches harder. He and D! start trading blows center ring! Neither man backs down! D! starts to get the better of Daniels, rears back for one knockout blow...
Daniels ducks, then hits a spinning drop toe hold! WAKE UP CALL as Daniels hits the dies headlock, then follows with the bulldog, taking D! to the mat! A cover! One.. two... D! kicks out! Daniels hauls D! up and goes for another discus elbow smash, but D! ducks and nails him with a neckbreaker! Daniels down again, and D! is going for pleasant cycling! Daniels reverses it into a roll up! One.. two.. D! kicks out again! Daniels with a boot to the gut, then a snapmare on D! follows up with a dropkick to D!'s spine! But Daniels lands on his ribs, stalling any momentum! Both men are down, and both men crawl to their corners. D! reaches his corner first, tagging in the big Phoenix. He marches over to Daniels, ready to end this right now, but Daniels manages to reach out and
HOT TAG!!
BILL HEWSON: DANIELS MAKES THE TAG! HERE COMES THE FALCON!
JACK JONES: WATCH OUT! HE'S NUTS!
The crowd explodes as Venar is in legally for the first time this match! And he attacks Phoenix with all the fury that has been building all match! Dropkick to the big man! He does not go down! Another dropkick! And another! Phoenix staggers, but does not fall! D! back in... SUPEREKICK! And now Venar attacks a fallen D! with punches, and Daniels staggers back in, going after Phoenix with a series of forearm smashes! Phoenix nails Daniels with a headbutt, knocking him back. He grabs Venar and pulls him off of D!, and tosses him to the corner. Daniels grabs a rising D! and whips him to the corner, and charges after him... D! catches Daniels with an elbow! And Venar gets a boot up as Phoenix races with a clothesline! D! attacks Daniels with a Dragon Screw Legwhip, then goes for Pleasant Cycling again---
Venar catches D! with a bulldog, breaking the hold!
Phoenix goes to haul Daniels up, but gets caught with a European Uppercut! And now Venar and Daniels catch Phoenix with a double dropkick! Phoenix staggers... they hit him again! Phoenix staggers! They hit him again! And again! Phoenix teeters.. and falls! Daniels goes for the cover! D! breaks it up before Smythe can even count! Venar grabs D!... D! with a roundhouse punch! Venar knocked into the ropes! And D! gets out some of his frustrations, laying in with kicks and punches on the prone Venar! Daniels makes the save, driving a kick into the lower back of D! Phoenix is back up, Daniels sees him charing in, and pulls D! in the way of a big boot! D! goes down, Phoenix rolls his eyes, but does not look too upset.
At least not until he gets a dropkick to the knee!
Daniels sits on the top rope, and grabs Phoenix! He's going for the SYSTEMS CRASH! Phoenix tries to fight out of it, but Daniels is not letting go! The fans are on their feet as Daniels gets ready to hit his big move!
BILL HEWSON: If he hits this, it's OVER! Even for big Jake Phoenix --- wait a minute, Falcon with UNKINDNESS on D! --- oh no! D! just crashed right into Daniels and Phoenix!
Daniels loosens his hold on Phoenix, and Phoenix takes the advantage! He picks Daniels up and presses him over his head! Daniels tossed to the floor, crashing into the guard rail! Venar doesn't even seem aware of what happened, as he tries to lock the Talon Clutch on D!... D! elbows his way out of it, Venar goes for a clothesline, D! ducks, locks on the sleeper...
NYQUIL SPIKE!
Venar is knocked silly and D! goes for the cover!
And gets dragged up by Phoenix, and tossed out of the ring like a drunk gets tossed from a bar. Phoenix drags Venar up and
TOMBSTONE!
Venar planted in the mat, and Phoenix covers!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners! The team of D! and JAKE PHOENIX!
D! looks upset, but Phoenix smirks and reminds him who the legal man was.
BILL HEWSON: A huge win for Phoenix, after the previous few weeks. But I think Trent Daniels has made a name for himself as well, after the fight he put up against two of the biggest names in this sport!
D! takes off, done giving these fans his "presence." Jake holds the Heritage title high and makes his exit.
The Street Team, as well as the rest of the fans, give Daniels a good ovation as he crawls to his feet. Venar is barely stirring after the two big moves he took, leaving us all to wonder: What's going through his head?
The ring has been set up for the big NAPW World Title match contract signing and in the middle of it all stands NAPW Commissioner, Terry Brandon. The commish has the microphone and wastes no time in using it.
TERRY BRANDON: I want to take a minute to thank all you great fans for coming out tonight. It's been a great show so far, eh? Absolutely! Well, now we have a special event for you. On May 27th, next Tuesday in Vancouver at "Fracas On 4th Ave," we are going to have ourselves a little NAPW World Title match. It is going to be a meeting of two World Champs in fact. That's right folks! The NAPW World Champion, "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan, will defend against the REBEL Pro World Champion and 2008 Sole Survivor winner, "LDK" Lloyd Rees! This is the first time EVER the REBEL and NAPW champions go up against each other, and hell, history could be made if Rees wins. He'd be the first man to hold the REBEL Pro and NAPW world titles at the same time! Not that you needed any more reasons to be excited for this one, am I right?
The fans erupt at even the thought of this huge match-up.
TERRY BRANDON: Now, tonight we are going to have a contact signing to make this enormous match official. Ladies and gentlemen, at this time please give a huge round of applause for the REBEL Pro World Champion, "LDK" LLOYD REES!!
"When The Lights Go Out" by The Black Keys fills the airwaves of the Bridgeview Hall and the NAPW fans explode with cheers as "THE TECHNICAL TERROR" walks out from behind the curtain. The fury that was Rees's beard is now cleanly shaped; sideburns lead into a thin beard which follows the jaw line and ends in a long Anvil-type point. Rees makes his way to the ring and hits the corner with the REBEL Pro gold held high. More out of control cheers for "LDK". Rees and Brandon exchange a handshake then the NAPW commissioner continues.
TERRY BRANDON: And now, he is the defending NAPW World Champion, "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan!
"Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the speakers and there's a mix of loud boos and cheers. Either way, everyone's on their feet. Ryan steps through the curtain, sunglasses reflecting the light flashing around the arena, and the NAPW World Title Belt around his waist. He stops for a moment, smirks and then makes his way down to the ring. Ryan stares at Rees from the floor before calmly climbing up and into the ring.
Rees and Ryan lock eyes but, before it can go any further, Brandon speaks again.
TERRY BRANDON: Gentlemen, lets get down to business. Take a seat everyone.
Brandon, Rees, and Ryan all take their spots at the table.
TERRY BRANDON: What I have here is the official contract for your NAPW World Heavyweight Title match to take place at "Fracas On 4th Ave.". All the particulars are in there if either one of you feel the need to read it in its entirety.
By the look on both REBEL Pro and NAPW World Champions faces, they are not about to worry about the ins and outs of the contract.
TERRY BRANDON: That is what I figured. Ok, first we will have REBEL Pro Champion "LDK" Lloyd Rees sign.
The crowd cheers as Rees grabs the contract and quickly flicks to the last page. As "LDK" picks the pen up off the table he stares with intensity into the eyes of the NAPW Champion, for just a second, and signs the paper.
TERRY BRANDON: Good! Now NAPW Champion "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan will sign.
Basically the same reaction as before, after a quick glare at the challenger, the NAPW Champion signs.
TERRY BRANDON: There you have it folks, it's official!
The I's have been dotted and the T's crossed. Both men are quick to get to their feet. Rees, here to conduct business, simply gives a quick look to Ryan, turns to the ropes, and swings a leg through to climb down. Ryan, however, grabs the microphone from Terry Brandon.
"THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN: Hey Rees!!
The REBEL Pro World Champion stops halfway out of the ring and turns back toward the NAPW World Champion.
"THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN: I dunno, man. This all seems so.....so bland! So easy! I mean really, do you think these fans just wanna see us sign some document and then go back to the dressing room and call it a night?
Rees' eyes narrow as he re-enters the ring fully. The REBEL Champ stands near the ropes, arms crossed, REBEL gold strapped around his waste.
"THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN: I mean, I was thinking we give them a little bit more of a show, you know....make it mean something. After all, we want this thing to be as big as it possibly can be, don't we?
Rees approaches Ryan again, close enough to be heard over the microphone as he looks up at the taller champion.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: What'd ya have in mind Ryan? Ya want t'add some stipulation? Make dis match out of da ordinary?! I think it already looks pretty good. I mean we do have REBEL Champ versus NAPW Champ here. It pretty hyped up as it is but, I'm willing t'listen t'whatever it is da Champ got t'say.
"THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN: Well, it's not about the match Rees it's about right now! It's about giving these people a little taste of what they are going to see on May 27th. It's about making this match as big as it can be!
"LDK" LLOYD REES: What's yer big idea Ryan?
Ryan smirks and turns to make a long elaborate lap around the ring, ending up back where he started, in front of the challenger.
"THE EGO BUSTER" DAN RYAN: I figured....I could just hoist you up.....and put you through this table over there!
The crowd buzzes. Some boos are heard. Ryan just half-grins at Rees. Rees on the other hand, is not impressed or amused and shows no expression.
"LDK" LLOYD REES: I think I might have a better idea Champ!
In the blink of and eye Rees grabs the microphone out Ryan's hand. The eyes of the NAPW World Champion are wide as Rees waste no time dropping "The Ego Buster" to the mat with a driving kneelock submission takedown. Like a snake, "LDK" glides over Ryan and locks in a Fujiwara Armbar!
BILL HEWSON: Lloyd Rees has the Champ locked in one of his many submissions. I think Dan Ryan might have pushed the wrong button with his threats. "LDK" is an animal! He's gonna pull his arm out of his socket!
JACK JONES: I think you are underestimating the World Champion Hewson!
Ryan struggles furiously as the crowd is going nuts, enjoying every minute of this confrontation. Rees still has the armbar locked in and methodically grapevines the arm as hard as he can. The NAPW World Champion is in a world of hurt here!
BILL HEWSON: "The Ego Buster" is in trouble here! If he can't get out of this hold, Rees could do some serious damage and that could affect the out come of this huge title match!
JACK JONES: Again Bill, I think you are down playing one of the best to ever hold the NAPW Championship!
Ryan finally manages to turn himself over and get up on one knee! Rees holding on tight, but Ryan gets his other arm around and uses the leverage to get to a crouching position!!
JACK JONES: Here it is! This is where it starts to get sour for "The TECHNICAL TERROR"!
BILL HEWSON: Still the REBEL Champ is like a Constrictor here, holding the arm tight!
The much larger Ryan trying to lift Rees up! Ryan raises Rees high, Rees still refusing to let go of the arm of the Champ! Ryan powers forward, putting Rees and himself through the table, Rees taking the full brunt of the impact!!
BILL HEWSON: Oh my god! Through the table! Lloyd Rees has been put through the damn table! JACK JONES: Rees is out, Hewson! Rees is OUT!
Ryan is gripping his arm but he's up and his scowling down at the challenger. Ryan picks the REBEL Pro Champion belt up off the mat and drapes it over "LDK". Ryan makes his way out of the ring and up the ramp to a mixed reaction of cheers and boos. Halfway up the ramp, Ryan turns to look down at the challenger for his belt who has not moved an inch since being driven through the table. Ryan raises the NAPW World title high for all to see.
BILL HEWSON: Dan Ryan is the one left standing here tonight Jack but, has Lloyd Rees done enough damage to the arm of the NAPW Champion to make an impact on the match?
JACK JONES: Only time will tell Bill, but I guarantee you: Dan Ryan has made an IMPACT on Lloyd Rees.
Next week, "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan defends the NAPW World Title against "LDK" Lloyd Rees. And that match just got even bigger.
FRANK WARBURTON: Surrey, it is now time for the TAGSTRAVAGANZA GAUNTLET MATCH! The rules: Two teams will start the contest. When a team is eliminated by pinfall, submission disqualification or count-out, the next team will enter the match! This continues until we are down to the final two teams to determine the winner. Are you ready for the TAGSTRAVAGANZA?
JACK JONES: I'd take that as a "yes," Frank.
BILL HEWSON: The annual Tagstravaganza match-up is here! The Celtic Assassins and the team of Lloyd Rees & David Banks can each lay claim to having won it. There's no telling who can win it this year.
JACK JONES: It's all about luck of the draw. It's hard enough in a match like Sole Survivor to start early, but in that you just have to avoid being tossed over the top rope. If you start early, you have to win four or five matches in a ROW... against fresh teams with every elimination.
BILL HEWSON: Well, let's see who starts this one out!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing the team that drew number one...
"BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS!
WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU!"
FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied by Mandy, At a total combined weight of six-hundred and thirty-one pounds... PLUS... representing the Worker's Guild of Alberta, BIG MITCH and "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE!
Surrey gets to poppin' for the Bad Boy in his traditionally ugly singlet. His hair seems cleaner than normal though. Being a leader for the WGA is making him take PRIDE in himself. Mandy is bubbly, wearing clothes that complement her figure to the crowd's appreciation.
Then there's Big Mitch. Black trunks. Black boots. Black knee pads. And...
JACK JONES: Did Mitch dye his hair black or am I losing it?
BILL HEWSON: Both.
JACK JONES: That's what I thought - HEY!
Mitch's hair is slicked back and he seems to be focused on the ring. The attempt at INTENSITY just... doesn't... quite gel with his flabby frame, and really, we didn't need to see the gut hanging over the trunks like that. He even ignores slapping the hands of the fans, trailing in Joey's wake of cheers. Mitch heaves himself into the ring like a walrus.
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents...
The WHO kick up, "The Seeker," and that brings out the skeleton-costume clad Modo WHOA!...
And GARY???
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing team number two, the duo of Modo WHOA! and also representing the Worker's Guild of Alberta, GARY!
BILL HEWSON: Well this is a surprise, we have WGA members on opposite sides to start this off. We know Gary has been wanting to get into the ring, and I guess this is Malone's solution... everybody in the WGA gets in this one!
JACK JONES: Teaming with the WHOA! man, to boot. What the heck kind of team are WHOA! and Gary going to be?
Mr. Slicker's former Double looks thrilled just to be wrestling his first NAPW match, getting in the ring with a big smile that belies his "tough guy" appearance. WHOA! does LA PARKA DANCE~! The four men shake hands and referee John Sharplin calls for the bell!
Joey Malone and Modo WHOA! start off, tie-up, Joey takes the lightweight WHOA! over with a headlock, but WHOA! elbows his way out and hits the ropes, catching Joey with a leg lariat. Quick cover only gets one, but WHOA! tries to drop an elbow, Joey moves, WHOA! comes in --- EYE POKE! And Joey gets MAD cheers for that as the referee reprimands him.
JACK JONES: Why are these idiots CHEERING for a man who just cheated? Clear as day!
BILL HEWSON: Old habits die hard for the "Bad Boy!"
Joey with some punches to the head of the WHOA! man, then to the corner. Punch punch, kick! Now irish whip, Joey charges behind, WHOA! slingshots behind Joey and dropkicks the Bad Boy chestfirst into the turnbuckle. WHOA! runs in and splashes Joey's back! Gary calls for a tag, but WHOA! snap suplexes Joey down instead and then delivers a running senton. Cover, one, Joey kicks out at two. WHOA! grabs a wrist lock and holds Joey tight... Gary tags in. He almost looks hesitant to attack the WGA leader, but Joey, trapped by the wrist lock, yells "No mercy!" Gary boots Joey in the gut, then scoopslams him down. Looking for the anklelock, but Joey rolls out of it and tags in the 400+ pound Big Mitch.
JACK JONES: Is the ring secured?
BILL HEWSON: You saw just a minute ago Joey yelling "No mercy," it doesn't matter to him that Gary is his friend. This is all about glory and opportunity. Now the big man comes in... what's he got in store?
Mitch tries to step over the top rope, but it's not quite as intimidating as Diesel. He stands stock still, puffing his chest out, eyes bugging out in an attempt at intensity. Gary shrugs, then comes in and socks Mitch in the belly. Mitch doubles over, gasping, as the fat flies. Gary backs off the ropes, hits a running knee lift that staggers Big Mitch! But still not down, Gary off the ropes again
And Modo WHOA! tags him on the shoulder, causing Gary to stumble. He turns around in surprise as WHOA! is on the ring apron. Sharplin tells Gary to get out, the tag was legal, as WHOA! springboards off the top rope with a flying cross body on Big Mitch! He hits the big man and takes him down, one, two, Joey makes a save with a stomp. WHOA! punching away on Mitch. Into the corner goes Mitch, Modo with a running clothesline. Mitch sags backwards, but WHOA! chops his rubbery chest. Mitch squeals in pain...
And then suddenly HIS EYES GROW WIDE!
BIG MITCH TURNS MODO AROUND! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! BIG FAT HANDED CHOPS! WHOA! is gasping and stumbles over to his corner, tagging in Gary. Gary gets in, a look of surprise on his face, charges Mitch only to get leveled as Mitch sticks one big arm out! Gary gets up again, another fat clothesline! Big Mitch picks up Gary, lips sticking way out and sweat pouring from his forehead from his exertions, and then... BODY SLAMS HIM TO THE MAT! Mitch's gargantuatan mass lands on top of Gary, that could be all, but Gary somehow gets a shoulder up. Tired, Mitch picks his man up in a bear hug and walks backwards to the corner, letting Joey tag himself in. Joey climbs up on the second turnbuckle, then leaps overtop of Mitch's shoulders and BLOCKBUSTERS Gary down! He covers, that gets two.
BILL HEWSON: Something has gotten into Big Mitch! What a flurry of offense he just had there, and then Malone with a blockbuster... I don't think he's ever done that before.
JACK JONES: I don't think he ever took a bath before, either, but his hair actually looks like he didn't just dip it in the deep fryer at McDonald's.
Joey Malone yells to the crowd, you want to see this? He slams Gary down and perches on the 2nd turnbuckle. Flying fist drop--- Gary gets a boot up! Joey hits face first, staggers, Gary hits him with a clothesline! Joey gets up again, Gary with another clothesline! He's revving up, Joey staggering up again, Gary pumps his arm and hits the ropes for another clothesline...
And Modo WHOA! tagged himself in, slapping Gary's shoulder as he hit the ropes. Gary sputters to a stop, which proves to be a bad thing, because as he turns his head Joey boots the gut. ROCKER DROPPER! WHOA! shoots off the top rope with a flying butt bump! He knocks Joey, but Joey tumbles back into his corner and tags in Big Mitch. Mitch comes in, WHOA! tries a flurry of shots to stun the big man.
BILL HEWSON: Modo WHOA! trying to finish Big Mitch off --- he's going for the WHOA! Driver? You have to be kidding me!
JACK JONES: What is he playing at?
What indeed, as the 5'8" Modo WHOA! can't even budge BIG Mitch off his feet. It would be a memorable moment, but it's not happening. WHOA! holds his lower back in pain, then gets taken out by a Big Mitch clothesline. Big splash! WHOA! quivers on the canvas, but Mitch looks to the ropes. He drags WHOA! over and climbs up to the second turnbuckle, giant ass hovering over WHOA!... GARY RUNS IN! He tries to save, but he's met by Joey Malone with a boot to the gut and BAD BLASTER! "Sorry, chum!" Joey encourages Mitch to do it... and Big Mitch delivers the Yokozuna butt splash right on top of the pint-size Modo WHOA!'s chest. He sits on top for the fall, arms folded, bug-eyed intensity showing again. ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the fall, BIG MITCH and "BAD BOY" JOEY MALONE!
Joey helps a woozy Gary up and gives him a hug. "You gave your all --- COULD YOU DO ANY LESS?" Joey raises Gary's arm, proud of him in the loss. Mitch, panting heavily, is nonetheless trying to look "all business." Gary pulls WHOA! out and helps him to the back...
BILL HEWSON: One team down, let's find out who's next...
4 CELLOS.
JACK JONES: Oh HELL.
PATH.
FRANK WARBURTON: Accompanied by ASUKA KATSURAGI... at a total combined weight of four-hundred and fifty-four pounds! DEZ CARTER & RAVAGER!
BILL HEWSON: AND THIS PLACE HAS COME UNGLUED! RAVAGER! CARTER! Business is about to pick up!
Joey's expression says it all. He really would have LOVED to not meet up with Ravager in this match, or at least not ALREADY. Mitch tries to maintain his look. Wait a minute.
Ravager, black trunks, black boots, black hair, all business, intense, focused.
Big Mitch...
Why the heck is Big Mitch trying to be Ravager?
Carter and Ravager get into the ring as Joey comes to terms with the situation. He looks at Mitch, shrugs with a half-smile, and shouts "Never did want to live forever!" JOEY CHARGES!
...
PALM STRIKE floors him! Carter picks Joey up roughly, and as good-natured as he can be, there's nothing "friendly" about the stiff chops he delivers to Joey's chest, the final one knocking Joey to the floor. Dez follows up, stiff boot right to the face. Yeowch! That leaves Ravager and Mitch in the ring...
JACK JONES: It's like looking into a mirror. A FAT mirror.
BILL HEWSON: I don't know if Ravager appreciates the "tribute..."
Ravager glares at Mitch. Mitch glares back, but his eyes lack the absolute coldness in Ravager's. Mitch licks his fingers. "Yes, yes, I know your moves now Ravager! I AM ONE ---"
Ravager punches him in the mouth. Mitch yells in pain. "OWWW! That's not chocolate --- OWWW!" Ravager with a CHOP that ripples Big Mitch's fat and echoes through the Bridgeview Hall!
BILL HEWSON: I think Mitch wanted to eat Ravager.
JACK JONES: Ravager wouldn't make much of a meal, he's too lean.
"OWWWWW!" CHOP. "OWWWWWWW!" CHOP. Mandy is wincing on the outside, sorry to see her friend get chopped so hard! Ravager shakes his head as Mitch sags, held up by the top rope. He threatens a chop, Mitch cowers, Ravager pulls it. Mitch thanks his lucky charms
HEADBUTT! Mitch collapses to the canvas, and Ravager looks over to his corner where Dez is standing. Joey is crawling back to his own corner. Tag made, and in comes Dez Carter. Mitch is getting up... Carter with a stiff kick to the ample thigh! Mitch squeals, Carter hits another one, then a forearm strike. Mitch stumbles, unaware of where he is, right into Ravager's corner. Ravager forearms him for coming too close, and Mitch tumbles out right into a palm strike from Carter! Mitch falls flat on his ass, holding his face in pain. Carter walks around behind him, looks out at the crowd with a grin. Do they want it?
They sure do.
WHAM!
JACK JONES: ... OWWWW!
BILL HEWSON: Did you HEAR that kick right to the back of Big Mitch! We knew that this teaming of Carter and Ravager would be a hard-hitting tandem, but they are just destroying Mitch!
JACK JONES: Yeah, they are... hey, what the? Is Dez letting Mitch tag out?
BILL HEWSON: I think he is, actually. Showing a little bit of sportsmanship here.
A pained, whimpering Mitch tags out to Joey, who himself doesn't look entirely interested in getting in with Carter. Joey comes in, circles, Dez lets out a kick, just breezes Joey. Just to let him know. Joey doesn't have any fancy martial arts, he just has PUNCHES. And telling Dez "LOOK AT THAT!" Dez, surprised, looks up. Joey stomps on his foot! Delivers a DDT!
Trickery. Joey's also got trickery.
Joey covers Dez, ONE... and that's all he gets. Dez kicks out in a hurry, Joey comes in with a double ax-handle, STIFF boot to the gut. All the air explodes out of Joey's chest, and Carter seems almost insulted by Joey's offense. STRETCH PLUMB! Joey yells in pain, trying to hold on... can he make the ropes? Doesn't look like it, but Dez lets go at a yell from Ravager. "Not yet, Dez!" Dez looks to Ravager, then to the crowd. "You want him?" YEAHHHHH! Dez tags in Ravager.
"The All Business Ass Kicker" pulls Joey up to his feet by the back of the neck. Joey looks up, and his face falls when he sees who has him. Dez was bad enough, but Ravager... how many times has Joey been beaten up by Ravager? EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! Joey staggers back, eyes wide, and Ravager hits a head-butt! Big Mitch is bent over on the ring apron, he's got nothing left, no wind, tired, as Ravager headbutts Joey down again. THROAT CUT GESTURE. Ravager picks Joey up, LAST RESORT... Joey swings his leg back and hits a low blow! Ravager forced to release, Joey has a chance here, but Dez Carter was not impressed by that low blow. Joey hits the ropes, comes off
CARTER NAILS HIM WITH A ROARING ELBOW!
Joey staggers, somehow on his feet, swaying on spaghetti legs, and a seething Ravager comes off the ropes at a hundred miles per hour to LARIAT Joey inside and out! Ravager covers, Dez guards for Mitch (not that he needs to, Mitch is gasping for air), and it's one, two, three!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the fall, RAVAGER & DEZ CARTER!
Mitch almost falls off the apron, as Mandy rushes to him with his oxygen tank. In the ring, Dez and Ravager exchange smirks, then help Joey up to his feet. Joey sways, but Dez and Ravager each give him a friendly tap and send him on his way. They don't hate the kid, they just kick the crap out of people.
JACK JONES: Somebody make sure the next team doesn't take the hell off after seeing that slaughtering.
"RAISE A LITTLE HELL, RAISE A LITTLE HELL, RAISE A LITTLE HELL!"
BILL HEWSON: No way!
FRANK WARBURTON: The team of "The Fixer" Stu Smyth and "The Hatchet" Dave Bennett... THE CALGARY CONNECTION!
BILL HEWSON: It has been a while since we've seen the Calgary Connection, but boy howdy, what a night to return, and to a HOSTILE crowd.
Hostile? Fixer and Hatchet each walk out wearing a CALGARY FLAMES jersey, which pretty much means INSTANT HEAT here in the Vancouver area. Canucks fans really loathe the Flames. CalCon hit the ring, getting heat, as Ravager and Dez merely exchange a glance. Hatchet and Fixer charge them
WHAM!
Ravager pulls the jersey over Hatchet's head and delivers some short shots, hockey fight style! Hatchet tries to cover up, but Ravager has him tied up! The flamed "C" is now right where Hatchet's face is, so Ravager winds up and punches the "C" to a huge pop! Carter lifts up the jersey on the Fixer and CHOPS the bare chest! Jersey falls down, back up, CHOP! Ravager and Dez shouldercheck to see where the other man is, then whip their respective men. Ravager levels Fixer with a stiff clothesline, Dez simply kicks Hatchet in the face, sending him flat on his back! Ravager and Carter each pick up a man. FULL NELSONS...
STEREO DRAGON SUPLEXES/LAST RESORTS!
JACK JONES: Who's the legal man?!
BILL HEWSON: I don't think it matters, Carter and Ravager hook the legs, ONE, TWO, THREE! Ravager & Carter win this fall! The Calgary Connection were back, and now they're GONE GRADE "A" ALBERTA ATTITUDE! THE MOOSE AND WAYNE jumping the gun, attacking Ravager & Carter!
Ravager and Dez nailed from behind! "The Moose" Mark Millar and Wayne Wright with bad intentions on their minds. Ravager and Dez pounded on the ropes, double irish whip, clotheslines DUCKED, Dez and Ravager come raging off the ropes with stereo lariats! Wayne goes down, Moose on the ropes. Ravager and Dez grab Moose, DOUBLE CHOP. Now a double whip, Moose however RUNS THEM OVER! Wayne is up, he and Moose grab Dez by the trunks and beale him SHOULDER-FIRST INTO THE RING POST. Dez sags and tumbles out to the ground, leaving Ravager alone. Asuka rushes over to check on her man!
It's Moose with Ravager, laying into him with big overhand blows. The roughneck from the Alberta Oil Patch with a big irish whip to the opposite corner, following up with a charging clothesline in the corner. He tags into Wayne, booting Ravager before exiting. Wayne snapmares Ravager over... BIG kick to the back sounds throughout the hall! Wayne covers, just gets two but Ravager kicks out with plenty of time. Wayne goes to the CHOKE, drawing the referee's ire.
BILL HEWSON: What a nasty piece of work Wayne Wright has become, so consumed with bitterness and anger. I wouldn't call it "Grade A," but he sure has an attitude.
JACK JONES: What did being a smiling babyface get Wayne Wright? Nothing! He and The Moose are going straight to the top now that they're aligned with Matthew Kurtis!
Dez is down, his shoulder is hurting. Wayne picks Ravager up, headlock into a back suplex. Stomps galore, then tag back into Moose. Wayne delivers a backbreaker to Ravager! Moose comes in, drops an elbow, two, three, four! Cover, Ravager kicks out. Big Moose grins through his unruly beard and then picks Ravager up, calling for the Slingshot Suplex --- Ravager floats out behind! KATA-HAJIME! Locked on, but Wayne runs in and clips Ravager in the back of the head. Ravager staggered, Moose gets off the ropes and delivers a running clothesline that brings Ravager down to the canvas. Moose presses the sides of his nose and blows snot on Ravager. Wow. Just disrespect, the crowd getting hot at Grade "A!" Moose once again tags in Wayne Wright, double team FLAPJACK across the top rope! Ravager hung out to dry, then brought back into the ring the hard way. Wayne throws some european uppercuts into Ravager's chest...
Ravager fires back! A euro of his own! Wayne rears back, gets another, but Ravager grits his teeth and his eyes fire up, a HUGE european uppercut rocks Wayne backwards! Ravager picks the man up for a big snap suplex, nails it. Going to the TOP ROPE! Diving Headbutt?
Moose nails Ravager and crotches him on the top! Wayne climbs up, hooks Ravager's arm, NO WAY!
SUPERPLEX!
Wright hooks a leg, ONE, TWO
CARTER WITH THE SAVE!
BILL HEWSON: That could have been all, Dez Carter out of nowhere! Ravager has taken a pounding here, Carter still holding his shoulder from being rammed into the ringpost. This is Grade A's for the losing!
JACK JONES: You're looking at future tag team champions in Moose & Wright, Hewson! It's just a matter of time!
BILL HEWSON: There is one more entered team in this match... Big Moose tagged back in, grabs Ravager as he goes for a tag! Carter is the fresher of the two, shoulder notwithstanding, and Ravager needs to tag his partner.
Moose pulls Ravager in for a short-clothesline. He swats Ravager across the back of the head, insultingly.
BILL HEWSON: Ravager has been picked apart, isolated. What chance does he HAVE?
Moose yells "it's OVER!" Lariat -- Ravager ducks behind! Last Resort --- Moose struggling! The thick shoulders preventing a tired Ravager from locking it in properly, and Moose is able to get out. Irish whip, Moose hits the ropes himself, both men off
DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Moose and Ravager are both down! John Sharplin begins his ten count as the crowd starts chanting:
"RAVAGER! RAVAGER! RAVAGER!"
Stomping, thundering, cheering as Ravager begins to move! Moose is moving! Each man going for the tag... Ravager crawling, Dez extending his hand out as far as he can, yelling "COME ON! COME ONNNN!" Moose tags into Wayne, who comes over and grabs Ravager by the leg, going for the WRIGHT WAY Sharpshooter ---
RAVAGER kicks him off!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager MAKES THE TAG!
Dez Carter is in, Wayne gets elbowed! Moose comes back, elbow takes him down! Palm strike, palm strike, Carter is a HOUSE OF FIRE! He whips Wayne into the corner, then charges running knee to the face! Damn! Moose attacks, trying an irish whip, Carter reverses direction... and sends Moose splashing into Wayne! Moose looks down at his squashed partner. He turns around into a ROARING ELBOW! Ravager back in, CACTUS CLOTHESLINE SENDS BOTH MEN OVER THE TOP! Dez picks up Wayne, eye gouge by Wayne. He goes for the Side Russian legsweep, but Dez blocks, reverses Wayne onto his shoulder.
He pauses just long enough to cock his head with a hint of a smirk, the crowd going BANANA.
GOOOOOOO
TOOOOOOOO
SLEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Ravager BEALES Moose into the steel post, furious, as Carter hooks the leg for ONE, TWO, THREE!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of the fall, Ravager & Dez Carter!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager & Carter have outlasted three teams, what a comeback!
JACK JONES: But there's only one team left, Hewson, and talk about luck of the draw. The best tag TEAM in this thing coming in last!
"Southern Hospitality" by Ludacris kicks up. Dez and Ravager are taking stock in the ring, getting what breath they can as the crowd gives the two men coming out the curtain holy hell.
FRANK WARBURTON: At a total combined weight of four-hundred and fifty-four pounds, Dan Miller, Hank Henderson, SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
BILL HEWSON: Miller and Henderson taking their time getting to the ring. These two men have been nothing but jerks for the past couple months!
JACK JONES: So what? They hate these humanoids, they don't care about making nice-nice, they're in NAPW to make money and win gold. And they are in a prime spot to do that against a tired team of Dez Carter and Ravager! Ravager and Dez have been in their share of wars, they are two of the best conditioned men in NAPW... but this isn't the same as a one-on-one match that goes thirty-plus minutes, tag team wrestling is an entirely different beast, and this is Ravager and Carter's FIRST match as a team.
BILL HEWSON: That is true, and it may be to their disadvantage. But Ravager is not the longest-reigning NAPW WORLD CHAMPION for nothing! These two men consider it better to fight and die then take the easy way out --- how can they do any less?
Southern Destruction get on the ring apron, "Hard Hittin'" Hank looking angry, "The Dynasty" Dan looking cocky and arrogant. They refuse to get into the ring until the referee "makes him get out." They want the legal man in only, which is fair. Ravager exits the ring --- and as soon as he does, Hank and Dan bolt inside and double-team Carter! Ravager tries to rush back in, but Sharplin holds him back. And that lets Miller and Henderson pound on Carter in their own corner, stomps, punches, chokes. Sharplin turns around and it's Henderson in while Miller goads the crowd.
Henderson yells at Carter "You think you're hard hittin'?"
CHOP
Oh mother
That was SICKENING. Carter grits his teeth in pain as blood vessels pop on his chest, but he raises his head and looks right into Henderson's eyes. "COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!"
JACK JONES: Is he ASKING for another one?
BILL HEWSON: Carter telling Henderson to BRING IT! OH MOTHER!
JACK JONES: HOLY HELL! You can hear that back in Edmonton!
That hurt like hell, but Carter fires a kick that catches Henderson in the thigh. Carter tries to rush past Henderson, but Hank grabs him. Carter with a ROARING ELBOW, Hank ducks and gets a Side Effect early! No cover, instead Hank tags in Dan Miller. Dan rushes across the ring and nails Ravager, drawing the man in. Sharplin again forcing Ravager out, and that gives Southern Destruction the opportunity to go high and low on Dez Carter with TOTAL ELIMINATION!
Miller makes the cover as Sharplin counts ONE, TWO, kick-out by Carter there. Miller picks his man up, throws some kicks Dez's way, catching the man. Dez absorbs them and fires back! "YEOWCH!" Miller holds his thigh in pain, not expecting that level of impact from a tired Dez! Carter starts pressing on! Palm strike! Open hand slap! Another! Just bulldozing Miller back! Dan sags in a corner and Dez walks over to Ravager... but suddenly Henderson gets in the ring, screaming at the referee! Sharplin forcing Henderson back as Dez tags in RAVAGER!!!
Ravager comes in and starts unloading on Miller in the corner! Irish whip, Miller nails the turnbuckle, Ravager nails him with a running forearm, and Miller slumps face-first onto the bottom turnbuckle. Ravager looks out over the crowd... raises his foot...
And before he can deliver THE SILENCER, Sharplin is yelling at him to get out of the ring! Ravager argues with Sharplin, but "what tag?" Ravager argues that there was one, but the referee didn't see it thanks to Henderson's bit. Dez has to get back in the ring as Miller tags out to Hank.
JACK JONES: That's what it's all about, superior teamwork, and Southern Destruction, a team that's wrestled together, rode together, trained together for years, is the better TEAM. Don't matter how good Ravager and Dez are in singles, they've never teamed before tonight!
BILL HEWSON: Never question their will to win, but Southern Destruction have taken every advantage they can so far. And now Hank is talking trash to Carter!
"What, are you just gonna tag right back out, you pussy?" Carter cocks his head towards Hank, Ravager motioning for him to do what he needs to do. Carter meets Hank in the center of the ring... Hank with a hard chop! Carter takes it, then ROARS right in Hank's face. CHOP! Hank grunts in pain, but comes back with a huge right hand. Hard hittin'! Carter sways, then explodes with a big forearm shot! Hank with his own! Carter! THEY'RE GOING! CARTER AND HENDERSON GOING CRAZY WITH FOREARMS, NEITHER MAN BACKING DOWN! Finally they each stagger backwards, hit the ropes --- and Miller clips Dez with a kick to the back on the ropes! Hank catches him with Pine on the Spine! One, two, Carter gets a shoulder up.
Tag made to Dan Miller, backbreaker... held. Miller comes off the 2nd turnbuckle with a legdrop to the helpless Dez. They call that the De-Header for good reason, and that could be all ONE, TWO, Ravager with the save! Sharplin tells him to get out, and Miller chokes Dez on the bottom rope while his back is turned. Dan picks Dez up in a suplex position, and then perches him the hard way on the top rope. What's he doing here? Miller climbing up top...
FRANKENSTEINER!
Carter holds onto the top ropes, Miller is the only one who goes down! Dan quick to stand up though
FLYING KNEE TO THE FACE!
Dez is down! Dan is down! The crowd is trying to rally Carter!
JACK JONES: Tag out, Dan, tag out!
BILL HEWSON: This crowd wants DEZ to tag out, man, tag out! Both men are down! What a counter by Carter... Miller makes the tag!
JACK JONES: Here we go ---
BILL HEWSON: CARTER WITH AN ENZIGURI TO HANK! HE LEAPS! AND TAGS IN RAVAGER! HERE COMES "THE LAST RESORT!"
Ravager EXPLODES into the ring and clotheslines Hank down! Dan is up, he gets clotheslined! Ravager picks up both men by the back of the neck, then headbutts them in turn, then cracks their heads together! Southern Destruction are dazed, and Ravager grabs Hank and tosses him out of the ring.
JACK JONES: What is he DOING, Hank is the legal man!
BILL HEWSON: Ravager wants to get him some! DINGERS!
JACK JONES: Not dingers!
Ravager roughly tosses Dan down, placing his face on the bottom turnbuckle. He looks out over the crowd, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. They cheer for him.
THE SILENCER.
Curbstomp to the back of Dan's head. He twitches, then slumps down and Ravager toes him out of the ring to the floor with an unceremonious crash. Hank is getting back in, Ravager stomps over and hammers him, then brings him into the ring the hard way! Hank in some pain, but Ravager doesn't care! He shoots the man right into Dez Carter's outstretched boot! Hank staggers, turns around to try to punch Dez, eats a palm strike!
Hank staggers out of the corner again, into Ravager's waiting arms. LAST RESORT --- Hank goes FLYING over Ravager's head, landing on his belly from a full rotation! Ravager with a cover, ONE, TWO, TH--- Miller makes the last second save! That brings Carter into the ring with a charge, knocking Dan to the floor! Dez goes out through the ropes and beats Miller up some outside.
In the ring, Ravager suplexes Hank down and then looks out at the crowd. CUT THROAT. Ravager is going to the top rope.
BILL HEWSON: If he hits this, it's all over!
Ravager FLIES with the diving headbutt... nobody home! All or nothing with that one. Hank manages to pull himself up to his feet, and he grabs Ravager and puts him on top, What's he doing here? Going for THE END ---
Ravager fighting it off! He ends up coming off the top ropes, Hank punches him. Ravager blocks! HEADBUTT! Hank punchs again, Ravager blocks, HEADBUTT! A third time, punch blocked, Ravager with a headbutt! He turns Hank around, perches him on top, then goes up...
BILL HEWSON: I think Ravager wants to give Henderson a little INSTANT KARMA! Oh my, Dan Miller just rammed Carter shoulder-first into the steel ring post, the same shoulder from before!
JACK JONES: Take that!
BILL HEWSON: INSTANT KARMA --- wait a minute! Miller shakes the ropes! Ravager losing his balance with Hank up high! OH NO! HANK LANDS ON TOP OF RAVAGER! And --- hold on, Dan has Ravager's foot at ringside, the referee doesn't even see him! ONE! TWO! THREE! Oh come ON! Ravager & Dez Carter just got ROBBED!
FRANK WARBURTON: The winners of TAGSTRAVAGANZA... SOUTHERN DESTRUCTION!
The fans boo like crazy as Dan pulls Hank out and SD walk up the aisle, the victors. Miller is all grins as Hank looks satisfied.
BILL HEWSON: Ravager and Dez Carter worked so hard... they fought so well, only for it to end like this. I can't believe it.
JACK JONES: Believe it, Hewson. You're looking at the next NAPW Tag Team champions!
That could very well be, but right now, SD are the target of the crowd's wrath. In the ring, Ravager is picking himself up. Carter is on the outside, holding his shoulder in pain, staring daggers down the aisle. As SD disappear, the crowd give Dez and Ravager a round of applause.
This won't be the end of this...
-INTERMISSION-
"THE CONNECTION IS MADE!"
FRANK WARBURTON: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be contested under SUPERSTAR RULES. That means no disqualification, no count-outs! First, accompanied to the ring by Lady Sparks... from Staten Island New York, STONE ZELLOR!
Stone comes out to heat, the resplendent in red Lady Sparks at his arm. The music changes to Superjoint Ritual, and that brings out one angry looking punk.
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner! From Kitchener, Ontario... KRUSTY KID PAUL!
BILL HEWSON: Quite an unusual team right here, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: But totally awesome.
Cut that music as KKP hits the ring, where Stone is. They barely acknowledge one another.
"NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE US ALIVE
THE TIME HAS COME TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And their opponents! First, from St. Alberta Alberta! He is BRUCE! THE BEAST! RICHARDS!
Muse brings out The Beast comes out to a ROARING ovation, clad in his trademark duster and cowboy hat! He goes to the ring, looking every bit "The Beast."
"WE FALL, WE FALL!
WE FALL, WE FALL!"
FRANK WARBURTON: And his partner, from St. Paul Minnesota! He is NAPW's sexiest Superstar... TOMMY DEATHROW!
Deathrow makes his way out, holding a big bottle of gin in his hand and leering. The crowd gives him a rousing ovation as well.
BILL HEWSON: It's not a team we ever expected to see, not even for one night, but when you look at Tommy Deathrow and Bruce Richards, you're looking at two of the greatest tag team wrestlers in NAPW's history! Richards, with Kyle Roberts, has a record FIVE tag team title reigns to his name! Tommy Deathrow, with THREE different partners, has THREE different title reigns! That's eight between them!
JACK JONES: Yeah, well KKP and Stone Zellor have both been tag champions as well, and Stone is the greatest Heritage champion of all time. But none of that matters tonight, this match isn't about gold, it's about hatred, blood and violence!
The Beast and "The Superstar" are in the center of the ring, back-to-back, eyeing their opponents. Zellor and KKP are on the outside, standing apart, Zellor's eyes fixed on Richards, KKP's on his former partner's. Zellor jumps up onto the apron, acts as if he is going to roll into the ring, but steps back and jumps off. A fan yells "COWARD!" and Zellor responds with a middle finger. KKP raises a fist to an employee sitting on a steel chair taking pictures and the man quickly gets up and runs away, but drops his camera. KKP reaches for the chair and picks it up. He hops up onto the apron with it and Deathrow responds by walking slowly towards him, rubbing his nipples and licking his lips. Richards, too, is approaching slowly. KKP tries to hit Deathrow with the chair but "The Superstar" snaps out of it and is able to catch the chair. And he brings it right down on the head of his former partner! KKP looks dazed and stumbles down to the floor, but is still standing, albeit very wobbly. Deathrow hucks the chair right at him and NOW he falls!
BILL HEWSON: The match already off to a violent start!
JACK JONES: What did you expect? It's Superstar Rules and there is enough hatred in that ring to slice!
Zellor used the opportunity to climb up the turnbuckle, intending to sneak attack Richards with a flying bulldog but Richards turns around and catches him on his shoulders! Time for his torture rack! But Zellor is fighting back with elbows to the head of "The Beast." He's trying to DDT him! But Richards catches him around the waist! A big belly to belly! Zellor lands on his feet! He jumps backwards and grabs the back of Richards' head and brings it down to the mat with a BIG neckbreaker!
BILL HEWSON: Nice series of reversals from the bitter enemies!
JACK JONES: I still don't get why Richards is so bitter. Zellor hasn't done anything wrong!
BILL HEWSON: I think you're misunderstanding the situation.
Before Zellor can stand up, Deathrow is at him. Deathrow stands on Zellor, literally stomping on him! Now he's standing above Zellor. He puts his hand down his pants, takes a whiff, then applies the Sweaty Ball Claw to the disgusted Zellor!
BILL HEWSON: DISGUSTING!
JACK JONES: It's amazing you are still surprised by "The Superstar."
Paul is getting to his feet now, steel chair in hand. He climbs up on the apron. It's his turn for a chair throw and "The Superstar" falls back to the mat! Zellor is spitting, trying to get the taste of STD out of his mouth. He spreads Deathrow's legs and delivers a HUGE stomp to the STD balls! Looking satisfied, he drops a knee on Deathrow's head. He is back to his feet going for another one when The Beast charges forward with a lariat that sends Zellor down. He picks up Zellor while KKP approaches Deathrow, who is still clutching his groin.
Richards with a cobra clutch on Zellor. Then he lifts him up and BOMBS him! KKP picking up Deathrow. Headscissors, picks him up for a piledriver but there is no one who knows piledrivers more than STD! STD gets his feet back to the ground and trips Paul! Deathrow with a falling headbutt into Paul's groin but Paul gets a knee up just in time. Deathrow is clutching his head while Paul gets to his feet. He pushes Deathrow off of the ropes, whips him, he's off the ropes... Paul with a back elbow! Meanwhile, The Beast has clotheslined Zellor over the top-rope. He goes to lariat KKP from behind but KKP senses his presence and ducks. KKP with a waistlock on Richards but Richards spins around and gets a waistlock on KKP. Richards lifts KKP and takes him down to the mat, landing atop him.
The Beast is quick to his feet. As Paul stands, Richards drops a mean elbow onto his back. Both STD and Richards are picking up KKP now... but he has grabbed the chair! He rams it into Richards' gut, the Deathrow's! He sets it up in the ring. Drop toe hold to Deathrow and he hits the chair!
BILL HEWSON: Tommy unable to get his hands out in time to block the chair.
JACK JONES: Krusty Kid Paul proving how he carried the Sexy Adorable Drunks!
Richards lands a hard right to the head of KKP. Another! A third and now The Beast has him in the corner. He leads back, steps forward, and sends his massive shoulder into the abdomen of Paul. A second time! A third! Paul falls onto his ass. And here comes Zellor from behind! He has pulled out a Singapore cane!
BILL HEWSON: Someone's going to get hurt! Where did that cane come from?
JACK JONES: You've been working in this industry your whole life and you have yet to learn that weapons are stored under the ring? Sad, Bill. Sad!
He puts it in front of Richards' throat... Russian legsweep! The Beast is grabbing "The Throat!" Zellor brings it down again on the face of Richards. Again! AGAIN! Deathrow approaching him with the steel chair in hand, ready to play swords with Zellor. He raises the steel chair... and KKP runs out of the corner with a spear out of nowhere, sending Deathrow back and sending the chair right into his former partner's face! Now KKP is on top of STD, throwing rights and lefts! Rights and lefts! Zellor is continuing to hit Richards with the cane... but The Beast manages to grab the end of the cane. He begins pulling it toward him as he uses it to pull himself up. Zellor is trying to pull it away from Richards but he can't! So he abandons ship as Richards grabs possession of the cane! Zellor runs over and grabs the chair. After KKP yells something, Zellor brings the chair down on Deathrow's skull!
KPP continues to punch away. Deathrow is broken open and KKP is using his fists to DIG! KKP gets up to retrieve one of his pouches. He dumps its contents into his hand while some fall to the mat.. SHARDS of GLASS! He goes back on top of STD and starts pressing the glass into the WOUND!
BILL HEWSON: That is just plain sick!
JACK JONES: That's nothing. When I was growing up, my friends and I used to backyard wrestle and do worse things than that. We invented 'hardcore' back in the late sixties. Did we ever get credit? Nope!
Zellor and Richards circling each other, their weapons in front of their faces. Richards throws his cane up in the air. When Zellor instinctively looks up for a split second, The Beast delivers a mean kick to the gut! Zellor drops the chair! Richards with a pump handle slam on top of the CHAIR! Richards grabs the cane and approaches Paul slowly, who has his back turned, continuing a bloody assault on STD's face. Paul recognizes that the fans are starting to cheer instead of boo and realizes what must be doing on. He stops punching and slowly starts standing. He turns around just in time to meet the CANE! He's clutching his head, staggering about. Richards with another shot and KKP is down! The Beast helping "The Superstar" stand up. He's checking the wound of his tag team partner, asking him if he's okay. STD only smiles, rubbing the blood from his eyes. He has just begun!
BILL HEWSON: If Deathrow is anything, he's resilient.
JACK JONES: And creepy.
BILL HEWSON: Well, yeah.
Meanwhile, Zellor is stirring. He looks over at Richards whose back is turned to him and slowly begins to rise. KKP, too, is beginning to gather his wits and stand.
JACK JONES: Come on, boys! Take advantage of those idiots turning their backs to you!
Deathrow is trying to get Richards to touch his nipples? Yes! He definitely is trying! He is licking his lips and pointing to it, twisting it and rubbing it! Richards looks disgusted. But he raises a finger.
BILL HEWSON: The Beast: will he touch the nipple?
JACK JONES: Adult films should have announcers. You'd be great at it. Hell, I'd be great at it. I should look into that...
Zellor is up! Paul is up! They both go in for a sneak attack! But The Beast and "The Superstar" spin around! Richards with a right to Zellor that sends him reeling. STD with a matching one for KKP! Richards clotheslines Zellor to the outside! STD does the same to KKP!
BILL HEWSON: It was a ploy all along!
JACK JONES: Devious! I like it!
Outside one side of the ring is Stone Zellor, trying to get to his feet. On the other is Krusty Kid Paul, attempting to do the same. The Beast runs across the ring, off of the ropes... he leaps over the top rope! Plancha from a two-hundred and seventy pound man onto Zellor as he stands! Deathrow has grabbed the chair and he's going up top... only to leap down and bring the chair across the FOREHEAD of KKP! Now KKP is busted wide open! Deathrow is grabbing the bottle of gin. He takes a sip, then proceeds to pour it into Paul's WOUND! KKP is screaming! He caps it and reaches under the ring... and finds a table! He begins setting it up, stopping only to flirt with the fans, many of whom are reaching out, trying to get a feel of the nipple ring or at least "The Superstar" himself! STD brings KKP up, kicks him in the gut, hoists him up... Dominator on the cement! He is picking him up again, dragging him up onto the apron and towards the turnbuckle!
BILL HEWSON: This is a recipe for disaster!
The Beast is getting to his feet and bringing Zellor with him. A forearm shot! Another! A big knee to the gut! He whips Zellor across the cement... right into the guard rail! He runs forward but Zellor drops his head for a back body drop but Richards sees it coming. A boot to his dropped head! The Beast leaps into the air as Zellor falls back against the rail and clotheslines him into the crowd, going with him!
BILL HEWSON: Listen to these fans chanting for Richards!
JACK JONES: No, silly, they're cheering for me! They know if I made my return to the ring, I could dominate the NAPW! They are trying to lure me back... but it won't work!
NAPW security is trying to hold back the fans from mauling Zellor. Both men are down but slowly trying to rise. Meanwhile, STD is bringing KKP up to the top of the turnbuckle! But Paul is fighting back! He throws in some elbows but a headbutt from STD stops him from gaining the lead. He gets KKP in a reverse crucifix!
BILL HEWSON: We know what this means!
JACK JONES: I invented this move. And tables. I invented tables.
TOMMYHAWK through the TABLE! The fans are going crazy! There are a few REBEL chants but they are being drowned out by "Su-per-star! Su-per-star! Su-per-star!" They are either chanting for STD, for the style of match, or some of both! But, either way, the fans are ecstatic! Richards are Zellor are to their feet and are exchanging punches, with neither able to gain the advantage. Zellor surprises Richards with an eye gouge... then goes downtown! Again! He runs back, forward, and a knee lift smacks the chin of The Beast and sends him stumbling back... and a discus clothesline sends him to the ground! Zellor is now climbing up stairs... he's going to a higher section! He is crawling through fans, a few NAPW security folks, trying to keep back the fans. The Beast is slowly getting to his feet... but he is knocked down by a flying cross body block from the former Heritage champ!
BILL HEWSON: Tommy and Richards were doing much better when they were working together in the ring. They may be a strange pairing, but with eight tag team title reigns between them, they know what they are doing!
JACK JONES: This isn't a tag match in the eyes of Zellor and Krusty Kid Paul! Zellor just wants a piece of The Beast and KKP wants to prove he was the dominant sexy, adorable drunk!
STD slowly getting to his feet. KKP looks dead. STD picks him up and rolls him into the ring. He crawls in after him and draps an arm! One! Two! Thr-NO! The Krusty Kid kicks out! Deathrow looks frustrated but he knows the resiliency that once aided him as a tag team champion will now serve to be a serious obstacle in his path. STD is grabbing that glass. Time to return the favor!
BILL HEWSON: Since when haven't tables and chairs been enough for a hardcore match?
JACK JONES: Since I created hardcore wrestling on the West Coast decades ago. Except we wrestled in rings of pure Vancouver Island cedar, not this wimpy stuff.
Zellor is back to his feet... and climbing the stairs again!
BILL HEWSON: What is he doing to do NOW?
JACK JONES: What he does BEST! Throwing his body around with no concern for it!
Diving headbutt to the fallen Beast!
BILL HEWSON: Oh my... God!
Meanwhile, STD is on top of Paul, pushing the shards of glass into his forehead, into his open wound, still burning of gin! He stands, leaving the shards on and in the forehead... and delivers a well-placed, VICIOUS STOMP to KKP's forehead! He is going to grab the second bag that Paul brought to the ring. He looks in. And smiles! He dumps thumbtacks out on the mat! Zellor is now getting to his feet, trying to drag The Beast with him. He stops to grab a chair and throws it at the head of Richards! It bounces off! The Beast staggers but doesn't fall. A second chair hucking and Richards is out! Feeling more confident now, Zellor drags Richards by his arm over the guard rail and toward the ring. In the ring, STD is picking up KKP. He hoists him up!
BILL HEWSON: Falcon Arrow time!
JACK JONES: On the thumbtacks? CHEATING!
But Krusty Kid Paul starts kicking his legs... he floats over while grabbing Tommy's waist, setting him up for a tombstone piledriver!
BILL HEWSON: What a reversal!
JACK JONES: I taught him that one before the show.
He drops him on the TACKS! They are STICKING out of his HEAD! He rolls out of the way but gets pierced by the tacks on his back then on chest before crawling away from then. He begins pulling the remaining ones out of his skin. Paul is grimacing, having got a few tacks in his knees unexpectedly. Zellor throws Richards into the ring. He hops back in himself... He's hooking him in the SCAR!
BILL HEWSON: Will The Beast surrender?
JACK JONES: You bet he will!
KKP is back to his feet and pulling Deathrow up. He hooks his head. Running DDT! But STD grabs his former partner around the waist. Belly-to-belly onto the tacks! STD landed on top of KKP who is howling in pain! But STD is still in pain and unable to move. He's just lying on his former co-champion!
BILL HEWSON: Richards is trying to avoid tapping. The referee is questioning him, but he keeps shaking his head no.
The Beast earns his name by lifting up Zellor with his head and breaking the double underhook. Richards lands a huge spinebuster on his opponent! But Zellor landed near the cane and he grabs it. Richards using the ropes to pull himself up. Meanwhile, STD is pulling KKP up by his arm. KKP with a fist to Deathrow! Another! He whips him against the ropes, Deathrow thrown across the ring, the Krusty Kid meets him with a boot to the gut. Paul hoists him up... running power bomb to the OUTSIDE and the MIDDLE of his back hits the guard rail!
BILL HEWSON: He's broken in half!
JACK JONES: I doubt it. But that was one hell of a powerbomb.
KKP hits Richards with an axhandle. Another forearm to the back. Richards, who was trying to pick Zellor up, drops him and turns around to meet a shot from Krusty Kid Paul. Another! Paul runs him off of the ropes and goes for a big boot but The Beast catches it! Before he can capitalize, Zellor crawls over with a low blow! KKP runs back off of the ropes and gets to deliver his big boot! Paul now laying in on The Beast with his infamous boots. Zellor stands and helps KKP bring Richards to his feet. Double suplex onto the tacks and a few remaining shards of glass! Now they are lifting him again... double Irish whip into the corner. He hits his back, staggers forward, to be met by a clothesline from Zellor, but The Beast ducks! He turns around and clothesline Zellor over the top-rope but Zellor lands on his feet on the apron. The Beast turns around to take care of KKP, but Zellor jumps to the ground, grabs Richards' ankles and pulls, tripping him and making his head crack on the mat.
JACK JONES: That move used to be called the Jones.
Paul lands an elbow to the back of The Beast's head. A second. Now he is pulling him up as Zellor climbs back into the ring. They double Irish whip him into another corner where he stays, slumped. KKP runs forward and hits him with a rear splash! Paul turns around and begins throwing his shoulder into the abdomen of "The Beast." Richards falls down butt-first in the corner. Zellor comes forward now, grabs onto the rope for leverage, and starts delivering strong stomps into the gut of the former world champion. KKP telling Zellor something. They each grab one of The Beast's legs and turn him around, tying his feet up in the ropes!
BILL HEWSON: The Beast can't defend himself!
KKP's applying his Crack Rock Steady! And Zellor is going to get the cane! While The Beast howls as Krusty Kid twists his body in unnatural ways, Zellor lines up for a shot! Bam! Right into the face of Richards and he is finally BUSTED OPEN. He repeats the shot! He steps back and delivers a THIRD! He passes the cane off to KKP. It's his turn. But STD has stood up and is rolling into the ring. Zellor is mocking Richards as KKP winds up... but STD grabs the cane from him! And he is using it to choke his former tag team partner! Paul is gasping for air and pushes STD back against the ropes, trying to free himself. Zellor thinks about helping Krusty Kid but decides to stomp on Richards' face instead. The Beast looks angry! He wiggles his feet. He's free from the ropes! He is trying to stand up but Zellor is on him with stomps. But they are not stopping him from rising! Meanwhile, Deathrow just swung the cane and sent KKP sailing over the top-rope to the floor below! He throws the cane to Richards! And STD follows Paul out of the ring.
BILL HEWSON: See! That's the teamwork I was talking about. The Beast and "The Superstar" know how to work as a tandem almost instinctively! Arguably the two greatest tag champs in NAPW history, eight tag title reigns between them!
JACK JONES: This is Superstar Rules! That doesn't help them!
Richards brings the cane down on Zellor's head! He goes for a second swing but Lady Sparks just entered the ring!
BILL HEWSON: What is she doing in there?
JACK JONES: Probably just to wish her boyfriend luck.
She jumps up on the back of "The Beast." The distraction allows Zellor to grab the cane. Richards is able to dump Lady Sparks off of his back but she is quickly back to her feet. Zellor is smirking as Sparks goes to slap Richards. He grabs her wrist... but her boyfriend brings the cane down across Richards' busted open forehead and he is back down to the mat! Now Zellor is holding Richards' in place. Sparks winds up and slaps "The Beast!" Again! Zellor back to his feet and he brings the cane down on Richards' knee! Again!
BILL HEWSON: That's Richards' bad knee! There is NO NEED for that!
He is going for another caneshot to the knee! But here comes TIFFANY MACINTYRE!
BILL HEWSON: WHITE CHOCOLATE!
She runs in behind Lady Sparks and gives her an inverted DDT! Zellor turns away from Richards. He is raising the cane towards Tiffany! But The Beast is rising! He looks PISSED. Cactus clothesline to Zellor and he's out of the ring! Tiffany going up top as Zellor tries to stand... and she leaps off on top of the unsuspecting Zellor!
BILL HEWSON: AMAZING!
The crowd is going crazy! On the outside, KKP is struggling against STD, trying to deflect and block his blows. He gets a knee to his gut and fires a right at Deathrow's head. Another knee to the gut! He spins around and hooks a waistlock... German Suplex On the FLOOR! He grabs Tommy and rolls him back into the ring. Somehow Tommy is trying to get up. KKP picks him up and whips him hard into the corner. The Beast goes to the outside to hold Tiffany back from Zellor, not wanting her to get hurt. And STD has grabbed the glass gin bottle from earlier! KKP runs in for a splash but STD greets him with the BOTTLE to the FOREHEAD! It BREAKS! GLASS is EVERYWHERE! And Tommy makes a cover! ONE! TWO! THREE!
JACK JONES: What a waste of good gin!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are your winners, THE BEAST and TOMMY DEATHROW!
The referee raises Deathrow's hand. KKP, who is bleeding PROFUSELY, has rolled over and retrieved the cane. He stands up and brings it down on the BACK of STD's head! Security and The Beast are trying to hold Tiffany back from Stone. This absolute chaos!
BILL HEWSON: Deathrow with a huge pinfall victory over his nemesis! How will KKP react to this?
JACK JONES: He just did react with that Singapore cane! KKP got the last word in and that is what counts!
BILL HEWSON: That... what a wild match, what a show so far! And we're not even done yet! White Chocolate! Superstar Rules! What a contest!
JACK JONES: And that is what REALLY happened to your pillow in the hotel last night.
BILL HEWSON: So you spilled mayo on it while watching the Golden Girls and eating a sandwich?
JACK JONES: Yep.
BILL HEWSON: Then why didn't I see a sandwich?
Jack only looks away.
FRANK WARBURTON: The following tag match is set for one fall and is for the NAPW Tag Team Championships! It is also your main event of the evening!
The fans cheer for the announcement.
"Last Call" by Tora Tora Tora plays!
FRANK WARBURTON: Introducing first, the challengers. First, weighing in tonight at two-hundred and four pounds... representing the WGA! CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
The fans pop as Kamikaze runs halfway down the ramp. He waves out at the crowd before gesturing back to the curtain. "Last Call" is replaced by "Science" from System Of A Down.
FRANK WARBURTON: His partner weighs in at one-hundred eighty-seven pounds... the enigmatic STEIN!
Stein marches from the curtain and meets Chris at the ramp. Chris jogs down the ramp slapping hands as Stein haltingly shambles down. They reach the ring and Kamikaze jumps over the top rope while Stein enters normally.
BILL HEWSON: Quite the odd team but pretty soon they could be tag champions.
JACK JONES: You honestly believe those two dorks could win the title? Well wait... Mystic Exposition are dorks.
BILL HEWSON: Stein has held gold before, Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: ...
"WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD!"
Andrew WK erupts over the sound system and the fans jump to their feet in anticipation of the champs.
FRANK WARBURTON: There opponents! At a total combined weight of four-hundred and forty-pounds... MYSTIC NINJA! THE EXPOSITIONER! They are YOUR NAPW Tag Team Champions... MYSTIC EXPOSITION!
Ninja and Expositioner run down to the ring slapping hands. Both men leap over the top rope and enter the squared circle. The music dies down and John Sharplin takes the belts from the champs. He holds them up to let the fans know what is on the line.
BILL HEWSON: Mystic Exposition have been four time champions, but have only one successful defense under their belts. This is a history making encounter here Jack. Either the champs defend for their second time or the odd team of Stein and Kamikaze become champs. Which will it be?
JACK JONES: Maybe they'll both get counted out? And eaten! By bears.
BILL HEWSON: None of the fans would want to see that Jack.
JACK JONES: A man can dream can't he?
It appears Mystic Ninja and Chris Kamikaze are going to start. The bell rings and both men advance to the center of the ring. Ninja sticks out his hand for a handshake and Kamikaze quickly accepts the gesture.
BILL HEWSON: Both men showing respect here, which is unfortunately unusual here in NAPW.
JACK JONES: Get me a barf bag!
Ninja hits the ropes and knocks CK down with a shoulder tackle. Back up and Ninja with an arm drag. CK pops back up and Ninja wraps his legs around the head snapping CK to the mat with a nice headscissors. He makes the tag to Expositioner. Kamikaze is up and the two face off.
Expositioner: "Hip toss!"
Kamikaze: "What?"
Expositioner tries to execute the move but Kamikaze, having prior warning, blocks. He fires back with a flurry of chops! The sheer barrage of moves forces Expositioner back into the corner. Kamikaze does a flip and nails Expositioner with a kick to the face dropping the man to the mat. He quickly darts to his corner and tags in Stein. Stein jerkingly enters the ring. He points at Expositioner.
Stein: "Go ahead, make my day."
BILL HEWSON: Stein has been studying a lot of films lately. He must be using his favorite lines.
JACK JONES: Hearing Stein as Dirty Harry is just creepy.
Expositioner nods and charges, attempting a boot to the gut. He connects, but Stein merely grunts, absorbing the blow and smashing his opponent with a strong lariat. He pulls Expositioner up and throws him to the ropes. Expositioner is able to spring off the ropes...
Expositioner: "Ex-pound!"
Stein seems stunned that his opponent would let him in on the moves he's going to attempt. He doesn't have much time to ponder this oddity as Expositioner flies towards him attempting the Thesz Press! Stein catches him, and showing considerable Strength for his slight frame, presses Expositioner over his head... Launching him into the air with a huge gorilla press slam! Expositioner hits the mat hard. Stein walks over and tags in Kamikaze. Stein looks out at the crowd who cheer...
Stein: "I'll be back!"
The fans chuckle as Stein exits the ring. Kamikaze meets a rising Expositioner with a running boot to the chin. He nails a DDT and covers, but only gets a two count. Expositioner fights up to his feet and nails a few forearms causing CK to stumble. Expositioner catches CK and nails the X-Plex! He makes the tag to Ninja and they pick up CK whipping him to the ropes...
Ninja: "Ready?"
Expositioner: "Always!"
Ninja and Expositioner: "Bingo Tango!"
The champs launch themselves at CK. Ninja kicks him square in the gut while Expositioner lands a boot to the face. The combined force of the blows send CK hurtling into the corner. Ninja climbs to the second rope and walks across before leaping off smacking CK with the Shadow Missile!
BILL HEWSON: What agility by Ninja!
Ninja strikes a kung-fu pose before pulling off a standing moonsault and covering but CK kicks out at two! Stein looks quite grim in his corner as he watches CK being assaulted.
Stein: "You can do it!"
The fans laugh but surprisingly the comment seems to have lit a fire under Kamikaze's ass. He gets to his feet and hits a punch to Ninja's gut. He grabs Ninja by the head and plants him with a swinging DDT!
BILL HEWSON: Stein's encouragement seems to have revitalized Chris. He springs off the ropes and oh! Legdrop right on the money!
ONE!
TWO!
Ninja rolls the shoulder. Undaunted, CK waits for him to get up and when he does so, catches Mystic Ninja with a bulldog. He climbs to the second rope and steadies himself.
BILL HEWSON: He's going for a top rope move. I hope Kamikaze has some strategy for this. We all know his track record isn't that outstanding when it comes to high flying.
CK: Ok... Come on Inner ear! We can hit this... We can do this...
He flies off with a picture perfect crossbody --- no, no he doesn't. Kamikaze completely whiffs on it and crashes in a heap right beside Mystic Ninja, who rolls up and makes the tag to his partner.
Expositioner enters and CK is (admirably) already up. Irish whip by Expositioner but CK is able to reverse and send the champ into the ropes. Expositioner springs off the ropes and leaps into the air plowing into CK with the X-Pound. He batters the WGA member with some rapid right and left hands. Mystic Ninja cheers his partner on from the corner. CK trying to cover up but he can't stop the beating. Finally Expositioner quits the beating. An audible sigh can be heard mixed in with the moaning of Kamikaze.
CK: No more punches... Please?
Expositioner smiles down at his opponent and nods his head.
BILL HEWSON: Expositioner showing no malice to his opponent. This is a friendly title match.
JACK JONES: How stupid. Beat his brains in! What little brains he has, that is. There's gold on the line!
Expositioner helps CK to his feet and Kamikaze is very woozy from the shots he took. He can barely stay on his feet. Expositioner comes over and wait! Small package! CK was playing possum and hooks Expositioner in a small package!
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze using a bit of his acting skill to completely surprise one half of the tag champions.
JACK JONES: I don't think it was all acting Hewson. The kid just got lucky.
And finally, Kamikaze makes his way over to his corner and tags in Stein!
Expositioner is up but here comes Stein! Throat chop! Expositioner clutching at his throat and gagging. Ninja from behind with a dropkick! Stein turns around and grabs him by the throat... Throat toss halfway across the ring! Ninja is twitching on the mat and rolls to the outside.
Stein: "Adrien I did it!"
JACK JONES: Now he's stealing from Rocky?
Kneelift to the midsection of a rising Expositioner takes his breath away. Stein grabs him in a bear hug and shakes him around like a rag doll before walking to the edge of the ring and tossing Expositioner out onto Mystic Ninja!
BILL HEWSON: Stein has cleared the ring! The champs are both on the outside.
JACK JONES: What's that idiot doing?
Kamikaze has ascended the ropes.
CK: "Bombs Away!"
Plancha!
Crowd: OOOHHH!
Kamikaze overshot and crashed into the guardrail. He hits the concrete with a thud as the tag champs get to their feet on the floor. In the ring, Stein looks out at his partner and just shakes his head.
BILL HEWSON: Yet again Kamikaze tries the high risk and fails.
JACK JONES: One of these times he's going to kill himself.
Expositioner enters the ring and immediately makes the tag to Ninja. Mystic Ninja hits the ropes and rushes towards Stein...
Stein: "This is my boom stick!"
BAM! Ninja gets blasted with a stiff as hell lariat. The momentum of the blow causes Ninja to do a backflip and land hard on the canvas. Stein stalks over and haltingly brings him up only to send him right back down courtesy of a European uppercut.
BILL HEWSON: Stein is dominating the champs here Jack Attack.
JACK JONES: To bad he doesn't have a partner to tag.
Said partner is slowly getting to his feet with the help of some ringside fans. He looks around in confusion before apparently remembering what happened. He makes his way back to the apron. Stein lifts up Ninja and drives him to the mat with a flapjack. He hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
Expositioner with the save. Stein rapidly (for him) gets to his feet and grabs Expositioner before he can leave the ring. He grabs his throat and locks in the Tongan Deathgrip! Ninja is to his feet and heads to the top. Kabuki Kick on Stein! Expositioner is released and clutches his throat in pain.
BILL HEWSON: Ninja saving his partner with that great Kabuki Kick.
JACK JONES: Look at Stein, Hewson. The man's a freak. He's still standing.
Stein is wobbling from the kick but is managing to stay upright. Ninja is back to his feet and flies at Stein trying to wrap him in a headscissors. Stein counters and plants Ninja with a powerbomb! Expositioner is on the attack with a few forearms to the chest. Stein is having none of that and slowly pulls his head back... Back... Back... Big headbutt by the mini Frankenstein! Expositioner falls through the ropes and to the floor. Stein walks over and tags CK back into the match. Ninja and Kamikaze square off.
" Ninja: Your Crane style is strong but my Turtle style is stronger!"
CK looks bewildered by this statement but finds himself on the receiving end of a inverted DDT. Ninja tags in Expositioner, who lifts CK up as his partner climbs to the top.
BILL HEWSON: Looks like the champs are going for some kind of doubleteam move here.
JACK JONES: What gave you that idea genius?
Expositioner nails the X-Planation on CK!
Expositioner: "Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!"
Mystic Ninja takes flight landing on CK with the Shuriken Press! He rolls to the floor as Expositioner makes the cover hooking the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!?
KAMIKAZE KICKS OUT!
BILL HEWSON: What heart by Kamikaze! Her managed to kick out!
Expositioner is stunned but pulls CK up and throws him into the buckles. He tags Ninja who is standing on the tope rope.
NINJATTACK!
ONE!
TWO!
STEIN WITH THE SAVE!
Expositioner is confronting Stein on the outside and eats a big jerky right hand for his troubles. He retaliates with a headlock takeover. Meanwhile, CK has recovered enough to get to his feet along with Ninja. Kamikaze with a few rapid chops but Ninja manages to block most of them. He fires CK to the ropes and CK comes back with a sunset flip.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!
BILL HEWSON: Kamikaze again almost scored the win.
JACK JONES: Stein and Expositioner are still going at it on the floor!
Stein knocks Expositioner into the barricades around ringside with a right cross. He lumbers forward only to be kicked in the knee by Expositioner. Stein crumbles to the floor in pain.
In the ring, CK is able to snag a headscissors on Ninja and lifts him up... Torpedo Bomb! He doesn't cover though and quickly begins to climb the ropes...
BILL HEWSON: Is the third time a charm? Will CK be able to hit this move?
JACK JONES: My money's on "no."
CK balances on the top rope and stares down at the prone Ninja. He steadies himself and prepares to jump, oh, almost fell! Watch out! Expositioner just tossed Stein into the ropes! CK loses his balance and falls... Down... Down... Down...
And INTO TYPE 99 ON NINJA?!?!
BILL HEWSON: He hit it! He hit it!
Kamikaze is shocked and covers...
ONE!
TWO!
Expositioner trying to get in the ring...
STEIN BLOCKING HIS PATH! He's like a statue, immobilizing Expo in his arms!
THREE!!!
FRANK WARBURTON: Here are you winners and NEW NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... STEIN AND CHRIS KAMIKAZE!
JACK JONES: WHAAAAAAAAAT?
BILL HEWSON: STEIN! AND CHRIS KAMIKAZE! ARE NAPW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
JACK JONES: No! No, I really can't! What the crap?
Kamikaze is shocked. And elated! He leaps for joy, tripping to the canvas, but getting up to receive one of the tag title belts from the referee. Stein has entered the ring, his Edward Scissorhands shock of hair askew in every direction. The shiny belt in his hands causes him to try to smile. Which goes about as well as Arnold in T2. Kamikaze jumps onto Stein, exuberant in victory, as Stein stiffly holds his belt. "Yes, I too am excited to be champion," Stein intones in his monotone.
A dejected Expositioner helps Mystic Ninja to his feet. The now-former Tag Team champions look at their opponents. Mystic Expo suddenly take the belts back from Stein and CK. Wait a minute. The crowd gasps...
But Ninja and Expositioner only nod, then each go behind a man and strap the tag title belts around their waists in a show of ultimate respect. Kamikaze is just so happy. Ninja and Expo bow to their opponents, then exit the ring to let them have their moment of glory. They pass the WGA (minus the absent Esteban) as they exit! Joey Malone, Big Mitch, Gary and Mandy all get into the ring to celebrate, Joey looking so proud.
BILL HEWSON: Tonight, the WGA have proved that anybody can become a champion! Don't it just make you feel good, Jack Attack?
JACK JONES: *cold stare*
BILL HEWSON: Believe it or don't, the new NAPW Tag Team champions, Stein and Chris Kamikaze. For Jack Jones, this is Bill Hewson saying GOOD NIGHT ---*
LIGHTS OUT.
JACK JONES: I HATE THIS PART.
BILL HEWSON: We just lost the lights, I apologize, putting a damper on this great celebration in the ring --- there we go --- OH MY GOODNESS! The Nation of Innovation are in the ring attacking the WGA!
The crowd takes a second to realize what is going on, and then they begin to boo like crazy! Alan the Janitor is holding Mandy at ringside to keep her out of the way (and safe). TONY tosses Gary out to the floor! Daines and Rodriguez hold Big Mitch in a corner, TONY's mom squashes him! Oh... oh god, that was a lot of fat colliding.
Daines nails Joey Malone! Rodriguez blasts Kamikaze! But one man is still up! STEIN! He stays in place as TONY charges, lifting him off his feet with an uppercut! Daines and Rodriguez run in, they each get floored! Stein is holding the entire Nation of Innovation off, but TONY's mom grabs Stein from behind. Ewww. Daines directs TONY and Rodriguez to all attack as one, and they're able to take Stein off of his feet. TONY falls on Stein's legs, the NoI each take an arm... and oh my god! NO! NO!
TONY'S MOM OFF THE TOP ROPE SPLASH ONTO STEIN!
Stein's feet, the only visible part underneath the purple-clad mass of TONY's mom, twitch.
BILL HEWSON: I heard what they said at the beginning of the show, but this is so uncalled for --- HERE COME MYSTIC EXPOSITION! Ninja and Expo won't let this go farther, they respect their opponents!
Daines calls for the CABS to scatter. TONY's mom heaves off of Stein. MyEx hit the ring, too late, as Daines leads his crew up the aisle to torrential boos.
JACK JONES: Bill, look at Stein.
BILL HEWSON: What a deplorable attack, ruining such a great moment for Kamikaze and Stein! The Nation of Innovation have done their damage...
JACK JONES: Bill, look at Stein.
BILL HEWSON: That doesn't look good.
Stein isn't getting up, still twitching. His black liquid-like eyes are closed. It's almost as if... he has short-circuited. Kamikaze is kneeling beside his tag partner, the rest of the WGA regrouping, MyEx making sure NoI don't run back in.
What is happening to Stein?
BILL HEWSON: This is... this is not how we wanted to end this show! For Jack Jones, I'm Bill Hewson saying good night... and damn Jeremy Daines!
Lights down.